Comic Book Men: Episode 2

Thoughts:

-- I didn't notice this last week, but they've really gone out of their way to make the Walking Dead comics as prominent as possible on this show. There are lots of TPBs, single issues and action figures in most of the shots. Yay, cross promotion, I guess, but it's hard to imagine that anyone watching Comic Book Men isn't already familiar with the series. You know, the one the TV show that aired right before this episode is based on?

-- The first item this week is a Batmobile. But don't get too excited. It's just a replica of the one from the '60s TV show, albeit one signed by Adam West and Burt Ward. (Speaking of, I know the Baltimore Comic-Con doesn't really book celebrities, but I think I speak for many local geeks when I say how cool it would be to get something signed by Adam West.)

Honestly, it really doesn't do much for me. I'm not saying I wouldn't have taken it for a spin, since I obviously would have, but at the end of the day, it's still just a replica. The weird thing is, the owner wasn't even looking to sell. He just wanders in, announces he has a Batmobile, offers to let the guys drive it, and leaves. As a viewer, between this and the Bob Kane sketch from last week, I'm not sure I like all this high-end stuff just walking out of the store, leaving Walt to haggle over Mego dolls and posters. Part of the fun of Pawn Stars is seeing serious money exchange hands. And if you're going to rip off a show like Pawn Stars, fine, but you have to do it right.

-- Kevin Smith makes a "surprise" (i.e., totally planned ahead of time) call to the store. Actually, we never hear his voice, so he may not have even been on the phone. He wants to play hockey. Soon, Ming is pretending to show Bryan and Mike how to play, and Walt is pretending to yell at them for leaving the store when there are customers. Whatever. These shows are no less fake than professional wrestling.

-- Jonathan Baylis, writer of So...Buttons, walks into the store. (I wish I could claim I'm so plugged into the comic book scene that I recognized him immediately, but I'd never heard of him or his comic, and had to Google him afterwards.) I'm somewhat impressed that the show thought to bring an indie creator in, even if he is hawking a page of original art from a well-known Marvel comic, as opposed to his own stuff.

Original artwork from pretty much any DC or Marvel book is absurdly expensive, and given the age of the piece (1971) and that it's from one of the more infamously titled series in comic book history, Giant-Size Man-Thing (which will never not be funny), makes Baylis's asking price of $500 seem reasonable. Walt obviously disagrees, but by now, it's pretty well established that Walt is a cheap fuck.

But fine. Clearly Walt has no obligation to buy the artwork. But here's where he kind of pulls a dick move. After offering to sell Baylis's comic in the store, which would obviously be a huge coup for any indie comic book creator, Walt then seems to suggest a quid pro quo, where Baylis takes an astonishingly low $150 for the Man-Thing page. I mean, it's not like he threatens to withdraw the offer to sell So...Buttons if Baylis doesn't sell. But still. It's just a dick move.

-- The guys play hockey. I fast forwarded through this part.

-- The next guy is trying to sell a complete set of Crisis on Infinite Earths. And here, I call bullshit. Dude, I have a complete set of Crisis on Infinite Earths, some of the issues signed by Marv Wolfman and George Perez. The viewers shouldn't have better shit than the people who appear on this show. He wants $100 for the set of twelve issues. I've seen these comics in fifty-cent boxes at conventions, so for once, I'm on Team Walt as he makes a counter-offer of only $15. The seller also had a nice looking Batman print signed by Jim Lee that Walt also got for $15. There, the guy got hosed. I'd think that would be at least worth $50.

-- More hockey. More fast forwarding. It's nothing personal. When they do this kind of stuff on Pawn Stars, I tend to skip that, too.

-- Jason Mewes shows up. Everyone pretends to be surprised. Mewes grabs some comics and a store hoodie, and is surprised when he finds out he has to pay for them. Eventually, as basically every bit on this show tends to do, the whole thing just turns into an exercise in shitting on Ming.

-- A guy dressed like the Kingpin tries to sell his issue of Captain 3-D #1 from 1953. And I love this, because I've never heard of Captain 3-D. This is the kind of stuff you want to feature on this show, not Crisis on Infinite Earths. Walt, apparently haven fallen in love with the figure, makes his third offer of $15 in this episode alone. Mewes jumps in with an offer of $50 for all the comics the guy brought in, thwarting Walt's latest attempt at highway robbery. Eventually, they settle on $45 in store credit. Which is bullshit: if you agree to take store credit instead of cash, you ought to get a lot more. The haggling on this show is strictly bush league.

-- Last item: A supposed lightsaber hilt prop from Star Wars: Episode IV. Walt has his official Star Wars expert on hand, and from him I learn, frankly, more about the construction of lightsaber hilts than I ever wanted to. The expert quickly determines that it's not from A New Hope...but is likely from Empire Strikes Back. I'm dubious as to whether something as easy to fake as a lightsaber hilt can be authenticated in such a casual manner, but hey, he's the expert, not me.

-- Mewes skips out of Jersey without repaying Ming the money he owes him. Two episodes down, two episodes ending with Ming being abused. I'm starting to think they should just end every show with a freeze frame of Ming's crestfallen face.

Comic Book Men: Episode 1

Say what you will about the quality of comic books in the '90s during the speculator boom (and hey, I have), but the stores had personality. You could tell a lot about the owner from the way the store was decorated (were the walls covered with vintage comics or posters of Fairchild shoving her pelvis in your face?) to the back issue selection (comprehensive and reasonably priced or little more than just X-books with jacked up prices to take advantage of readers with man-crushes on Wolverine?) to what the staff wore (polos with the store logo or whatever smelled least offensive when the employee got dressed in the morning.

That's back when there were comic book stores every couple of miles. Now they're few and far between, and tragically almost all look the same. You're guaranteed to find new comics and a large graphic novel selection, but that's about it. Don't get me wrong, I like places like Big Planet and Fantom, but Laughing Ogre Comics in Fairfax is the sort of store I wish there was more of. Great layout, a variety of products for sale (specifically, toys) and just a fun atmosphere, the way a lot of stores used to be, even if the comics they were selling were crap. Even though I currently no longer read comics on a weekly basis, I get nostalgic for such things. Sadly, I won't be surprised if before too long, the only comic book store in America is called iTunes.

But for now, we do have comic book stores, and AMC and Kevin Smith came up with the bright idea of setting a reality show in one. Of course, like Pawn Stars, the show Comic Book Men so blatantly rips off that they don't even bother to hide it (not that there's anything wrong with that. If you're going to steal, steal a great idea), it's more of a "reality" show. But whatever. The important question is, is it any good?

Early reaction from the nerdery that is the internet hasn't been kind.

Which, frankly, was somewhat predictable. Comic book geeks are weird like that. We enjoy reading stories about men in spandex beating up other men in spandex, but get annoyed when such things Aren't Taken Seriously. I've never been able to figure out whether this is because we're secretly ashamed of our hobby and get annoyed when we see it portrayed in an unflattering manner or because we think that by focusing on the nerdier minutia of superheroes, the more literary stuff gets overshadowed.

I had to think about it for a while, but I ultimately decided that I dug the first episode. It wasn't perfect, and they're still figuring out how to balance the Pawn Stars-esque haggling over items, with the Pawn Stars-esque wacky staff hijinx, with the elements unique to the comic book store setting. But overall, they got off to a good start.

Thoughts:

-- The show opens with a discussion between Kevin Smith and the staff about which superheroine is the hottest. I'm not going to lie. I groaned. If the producers were looking to get serious-minded comic book fans grinding their teeth in the first two minutes, it's hard to think of a more effective strategy. (But for what it's worth, Smith had the correct answer: Zatanna.)

-- The first item of note that comes into the store is a Bob Kane sketch of Batman and Robin. And it...fucking...rocks. This is a much more promising start. After some manufactured drama about what the sketch is drawn on ("Maybe on the back is a never-discovered Bob Kane creation!") the sketch is roughly valued at $10,000. And Walt, the store manager...doesn't make an offer. What the hell? This is very un-Pawn Stars. You never see Rick lose his shit over a great item and let it walk out the door.

-- In the first of what will no doubt be many scripted bits, the staff decides to hold a competition to see who can sell the most of the store's unsold junk at a flea market. And...okay. It's fine. It fits in with the tone of the show. But still, my main complaint about Pawn Stars is how they attempt to pass off obviously pre-planned moments as spontaneous (i.e., George Stephanopoulos just happening to wander into the store) and I think it detracts from the show. I'd rather Comic Book Men not go down this same route.

-- I hate to keep bringing up Pawn Stars comparisons, but even the staff of Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash seem like they've been slotted into the same roles as the pawn shop employees. Walt = Rick. Bryan = The Old Man. Mike = Corey. Ming = Chumlee. Except Ming somehow comes off as even more hapless than Chumlee.

-- A Mego Six-Million Dollar Man figure, seemingly near-mint in the box, comes into the store. I don't especially like Megos or Steve Austin, and even I'm lusting after it. It's so beautiful.

The owner asks for $250, which seems more than reasonable. Walt's having none of it. After a bit of haggling, he offers $175, then balks at the owner's counter of $185. And look, I understand that this isn't the Gold & Silver Pawn Shop, which is flush with History Channel money, so they need to buy stuff as cheaply as possible. But still. It's ten fucking dollars! Eventually a deal is struck, and once the seller is gone, Walt somewhat creepily hugs the figure to his chest like it's his newborn child. Ten dollars, Walt. Come on.

-- A woman tries to sell a Chucky doll from Spencer Gifts for $400-$500. I think the words "Spencer Gifts" should automatically knock 90% off pretty much anything. How is this chain still in business, anyway? The guys wisely pass. Then they make snide comments about how weirdly affectionate she was towards it, as if Walt hadn't just been making sweet, sweet love to Steve Austin.

-- It's hard to make out much of what unwanted crap from the store is being sold at the flea market, but I can't say I'm surprised no one wanted Jericho figures or Moon Knight TPBs. Moon Knight. Geez. That's probably the poster child for comic book characters you think are pretty cool as a kid, but then you grow up and realize aside from a spiffy costume, there's not much there.

-- We get to the highlight of the episode: A good, old-fashioned geek-off. A guy brings in a vintage Dawn of the Dead poster and some lobby cards. And between the black leather jacket, blue sunglasses, chewing gum, and way more self-confidence than he should probably have, the guy comes off as a bit of a tool. He wants $1,000 for the poster and cards. Walt's not sure what to do. Would now be a good time to rip off another aspect of Pawn Stars? Yes! Walt calls in Robert Bruce, his movie expert, who astonishingly, is dressed like an even bigger tool. He actually refers to himself as a "pop-culturist," which is easily the most bullshit thing I've heard anyone say so far in 2012. And I've watched most of the GOP debates.

Robert quickly makes short work of the seller in as condescending a manner as possible. The seller, for his part, seems fairly surprised to find himself out-tooled, and leaves without selling his stuff. Walt's excited about the machismo that was just on display. I'm not sure that's the word I would have used.

--A Jack Kirby Thor poster and the comic featuring the first appearance of Blade are the final items this week. The comic, Tomb of Dracula #10, is signed on the inside by Gene Colan. Walt points out that the autograph isn't authenticated, but I feel like the bigger problem is that it's on the inside of the comic. Comics should always be signed on the cover. If you have to open a comic to see a signature, it doesn't count in my book. Anyway, Walt wants both, but is bummed he can only strike a deal for the poster for $75. I think Walt's priorities are screwed up. That's a pretty sweet bit of Kirby art.

-- Ming wins the jive flea market contest, and as a reward, gets to deep throat a hot dog as his coworkers shout gay innuendos.

Welcome to the wonderful world of comics.