Five Great Horror Movies You've Never Seen

Or maybe you have. I dunno. I always hate lists with titles like this because no matter how obscure the entries are, someone out there has to have seen them, right? It's basically just mental masturbation for the person making the list. Look how clever and informed about pop culture I am!

At the same time, I guess it sounds better than "Five Great Horror Movies You've Most Likely Never Seen," so whatever. Happy Halloween.


1) American Gothic (1987)

Because I've seen a lot of horror films, I know that when a friend suggests taking a weekend trip to any desolate location, the correct answer is, "Thanks, no." But if you do go, and encounter a house in the middle of nowhere, the second best thing you can do is to turn around and walk in the other direction, not accept the owner's offer of hospitality as you vaguely notice that your friends seem to be disappearing one by one. Sleep in your broken down car (or plane) if you have to, but get out! Of course, if people demonstrated that level of common sense, there would be no horror movie genre. So I guess their sacrifice is worth it.


2) Bloody Movie (aka Terror Night) (1987)

Bloody Movie a.k.a. Terror Night (1987) by bmoviebabe

Some people break into the supposedly abandoned mansion of an old silent film star. The surprise isn't that said silent film star is still living in the mansion and begins offing the intruders one by one, it's that he does it in insanely clever and creatively-filmed ways, looking to his filmography for inspiration.


3) Chopping Mall (1986)

When you're a teenager, sneaking into the local mall to party and have sex is, I guess, cool. When you're in your 20s, it's really just kind of sad. Don't worry, though, Most of these oversexed young adults won't be making it out alive, thanks to malfunctioning security robots that have claws and shoot lasers and whatnot. The guy who played the preppy kid on Head of the Class is the star, if that makes any difference.

(As far as horror movies set in malls go, this is a distant second to Dawn of the Dead, but considerably better than 1989's Phantom of the Mall: Eric's Revenge, starring Pauly Shore.)


4) Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

***Trailer NSFW***

Not for the faint of stomach, there were people back in the day who thought that the director had actually made a snuff film. He may as well have, because this is some pretty sick shit, as a group of American documentary filmmakers learn the hard way not to piss off cannibals.


5) Society (1989)

Celebrate both Halloween and Occupy Wall Street in one great film! A teenager from a wealthy California community discovers that his family and friends aren't what they appear. By that, I mean they get twisty and slimy and eat people. This isn't nearly as horrifying as what real rich people have done to this country, but what is?