During the average college basketball regular season, I watch approximately 0.0 hours of college basketball. I really only perk up every few years when my alma mater somehow sneaks into tournament contention. Or this past season, during the Duke/Maryland game, but that was mainly just to see whether or not there'd be riots again. I mean, I barely care about pro basketball. I don't have time for a bunch of kids who aren't even at that level.
But I do love the NCAA Tournament. Partly because of the chaotic flurry of so many games in such a short period, partly because of the possibility--likelihood, even--of incredible, epic upsets, and mostly because it's the one time a year where office gambling is...if not sanctioned, at least permissible in the sense that management's willing to look the other way rather than destroy office morale.
(One of the years I was running the office pool, one of my co-workers who was clueless about how NCAA pools work, asked me, right in front of my boss, whether or not as the organizer, I was taking anything off the top. Since that's the difference between sort of illegal gambling and extremely illegal gambling, I was forced to fall all over myself to assure the boss that I wasn't running a sportsbook out of the office.)
And thank God for the Internet, because one is no longer limited to just the office pool or a contest run through the local paper. There are dozens of bracket contests to be found. Once, they gave out pretty good prizes, too. Lots of money. Cool trips. Nice toys. Ten years ago, some company I can't remember offered a billion dollars for a perfect bracket. Since the odds of accomplishing this are virtually impossible, they obviously never had to pay it off and it was offered just for publicity. But it's the thought that counts.
Now, though? Bad economic times in general and bad economic times for media outlets in particular, have led to some really dubious prizes. Sure, ESPN is awarding $10,000 for the person with the best bracket. But others aren't being nearly as generous. It might be a bit unfair to compare today's offerings with the ones from when the economy was in better shape, but it's still a letdown.
Regardless, over the next couple of days, I'll be entering all of them. Because what else is there to do in the office this week?
The Washington Post: Vouchers for The Capitol Deal. Which seems to be some kind of Groupon rip-off, but more importantly, is a subsidiary of...The Washington Post! Cheap. This is the same newspaper that when I was a kid, used to give away $100 a week for the reader who picked the most NFL games correctly. I know those days are long gone for the Post, but surely, they could spring for a better prize.
NBC: "Big Money Prizes"? That's more like it! How much we talking, NBC? $2,000? Well, that's...big-ish, I guess. I mean, compared to $0. Considering that Comcast is raising cable rates again, you'd think they could do a little better.
CBS: A trip to the 2012 Final Four. That's actually a pretty great prize. The benefit of being the network airing the games, I guess. I'm also really glad that even though the NCAA is doing its best to convince us that the tournament starts tomorrow, CBS isn't buckling under and is still using Thursday as the deadline to get brackets in. I suspect the NCAA is already working on a way to fix this next year.
Chicago Sun Times: $1,000,000? Right on!
Okay, yes, you have to get a perfect bracket to win that. But still! A million bucks! But what if you get just one game wrong? What do you win then? $10,000? Man, that's an awfully big drop-off, given that it's nearly as impossible to get an almost-perfect bracket. What if you miss three games? I mean, again, virtually impossible, right? Only $1,000? Jesus.
Okay, what do you win if you just get the most right of all the entrants? That's got to be worth at least $500, right? No? You just get an iPod Touch? Oh.
The New York Times: Winner gets an iPad. Good prize, but I'm a bit alarmed that they don't specify an iPad 2. The most famous newspaper in the world wouldn't really cheap out on us by giving away an obsolete model, would they?
Fox Sports: It pains me to say this, but after ESPN's guaranteed $10,000 prize, Fox has the best contest around. Fox too, is doing the stupid $1,000,000 for a perfect bracket nonsense, but it's also giving away a 60" TV, trips to Vegas, and varying amounts of Hooters wings.
If Fox put as much effort into its news operation as its bracket contest, the world would be a much better place.
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