Super Bowl Commercial Scorecard

Motorolla: A+ Superb commercial. Maybe one of the best I've ever seen. I'd still rather have an iPad, though.

Volkswagon ("The Force"): A+ If I ever have a kid, I'm going to buy him a Darth Vader costume and never let him take it off.

Audi: A+ "Lancaster, no! It's a trap!" "Nonsense, my father owned one," had me laughing. The Kenny G cameo had me guffawing.

NFL: A It actually took me a second to realize that all the NFL gear was CGI-ed. The fact that they (mostly) used geographically appropriate team apparel instead of just randomly assigning teams to characters, was a nice touch.

Chrysler: A- It almost seems like Eminem's threatening to beat you up if you don't buy American. But otherwise, it's a great ad, actually managing to make Detroit look like a nice place.

LivingSocial: A-

Coca-Cola ("Border"): B+

Mercedes-Benz: B+

Cadillac: B+

Lipton Brisk: B+ You can say "damn" in commercials now? Huh. Great night for Eminem, both the real and clay versions.

Doritos ("House Sitting"): B+ Usually, you can see the punchline of Super Bowl ads coming a mile away, but this one was a great surprise.

Careerbuilder: B+ Monkeys in suits! I love these ads. Careerbuilder never should have stopped making them.

Kia: B Every year, there's at least one commercial that seems to have been written while on drugs.

Hyundai ("Anachronistic City"): B

Coca-Cola ("Siege"): B

BMW ("X3"): B

Bud Light ("Product Placement"): B The only beer commercial I even sort of liked. Remember when beer commercials were the best non-football part of the Super Bowl?

Cars.com ("Go First"): B

HomeAway: B

CarMax ("Gas Station"): B

CarMax ("Kid In A Candy Store"): B

Chevrolet ("Volt Discovery"): B-

Pepsi ("Love Hurts"): B- I'm not saying it's the height of comedy, but contrary to the reaction on Twitter, it's certainly not racist, either.

Bridgestone: B-

Chevrolet ("Cruze Status"): B- Does the world need vehicle/Facebook integration? Of course not. But it was still adorable.

BMW ("Diesel"): B-

Chevrolet: B-

Sony Ericsson: C+ If I were a kid, I would have had nightmares about those thumbs last night.

Teleflora: C+

Sketchers: C+ Okay, look, is it art? No. But there are worse ways to sell your product than a sweaty Kim Kardashian.

Bud Light ("Dog Sitter"): C+

Go Daddy ("The New Go Daddy Girl") C+ I hate Go Daddy commercials with a passion, but this one had an amusing (if somewhat revolting) payoff.

Volkswagen ("Black Beetle"): C+

Mars: C+ I would have liked this a lot more if they hadn't already used this concept twice before in commercials, both of which were much better.

Stella Artois: C I also hate it when a commercial features an actor and seems like it's leading up to a punchline, but then turns out to just be an ego-stroke for said actor. Fuck you, Adrian Brody.

Mini: C Seems kind of a long way to go for an anal sex joke.

Doritos ("The Best Part"): C

Bridgestone ("Carma"): C

Chevrolet ("Al's"): C-

Budweiser: C- Perfect example of the prototypical Bud Super Bowl ad. Thin premise. Bad joke. Just good enough to not get anyone fired.

Hyundai ("Deprogramming"): C-

Groupon (Both of them): C- Not a bad concept, but badly executed. I can't bring myself to join in the "How dare they make fun of Tibet!" outrage, though.

Salesforce: D+ I feel a little bad for this company, since they had no way of knowing everyone would be sick of hearing the words "Black Eyed Peas" by the time their commercial aired. And that was before the actual performance.

Bud Light ("Hack Job"): D+ A lot of Bud Light's commercials are based on the premise that men are retarded. This one was especially bad.

Best Buy: D+ After last night's SNL, I really wasn't ready for more Bieber. Bad timing, Best Buy.

Doritos ("Pug Attack"): D

Pepsi ("Torpedo Center"): D It took a long time, but commercials where guys get hit in the balls are no longer funny to me.

Cars.com: D

Pepsi ("First Date"): D-

Go Daddy ("The Contract"): D- Yeah, this is more like what I expect from Go Daddy.

E-Trade: F I hate that fucking baby.