Borders announced today that its two D.C. stores were among the 200 that will be closing. I'm bummed. I love Borders. I've really loved its generous coupon program these past few years, which, hindsight being 20/20, might have been a little bit too generous. When you start training people to only shop when they're getting at least 33% off, you've pretty much permanently shaved 33% off your profit margin. A few weeks ago, I was in Borders and saw a book I wanted, but couldn't bring myself to pay full price for it, even though I wouldn't think twice about doing so at Barnes & Noble or an airport news stand. I came back two days later with a coupon.
When I had a retail job several years ago, the company I worked for declared bankruptcy and our store--along with pretty much every other one in the chain--immediately went into liquidation mode and soon closed. I wasn't overly broken up about this, as I'd been there only a couple of months and it was just a short-term gig while I looked for something better. But some of the longtime employees took it really hard. It especially sucked for my boss, who, when he applied for management positions at other stores, was often told that his years of managerial experience were nice, but they really wanted someone with a college degree. Having worked both retail and food service, I'll never say those jobs are easy, because they're not. But nor do they require college, even on the managerial level.
So I know what the Borders employees are in for, and it's not pretty. Liquidation sales are coming, and nothing brings out customers' inner assholes like A) The chance to save money, and B) The panic that they're not saving as much money as they think they could be.
Here are a few tips about how not to be that asshole customer during the upcoming liquidation. (I was thinking of structuring this as a Goofus and Gallant-type thing, but frankly, I couldn't come up with enough examples of good customer behavior to justify the Gallant part.)
1) Don't ask when sale prices will be reduced further. The rank-and-file employees often don't know. And if they do, they've probably been instructed not to tell customers.
2) On a related note, if you want something badly that even on sale is more than you want to pay, go ahead and get it instead of holding out for as long as possible. One customer had her heart set on this particular item. I guess she lived or worked nearby the store, so she would often come in and look at it. She asked, unsuccessfully, if we could hold it for her until the price went down further. (More on that in a moment.) She would even call every couple of days to see if we still had it in stock. And the whole time, I wanted to scream at her, "Look, you're quibbling over saving $30 or $40 more, tops. JUST. FUCKING. BUY. IT." But she didn't. And eventually when she called, I got to tell her, "No, sorry, it's gone." That gave me more satisfaction than it probably should have.
3) No, seriously, you can't return that. I'm guessing Borders will soon institute a no returns policy, as the whole point of liquidation is to get merchandise out of the store, not add to the inventory. Our last week, we had people trying to return stuff they'd bought during the liquidation, despite several "No Returns or Exchanges" signs posted around the registers. A woman came in with something she'd bought the week after we declared bankruptcy, and asked for a refund. We told her no. She asked if she could exchange it. Again, we told her no. Apparently completely oblivious to the "STORE CLOSING! 40%-50% OFF EVERYTHING!" signs throughout the store, she got angry and told us that with our attitude, we wouldn't be in business for much longer. We all got a good laugh out of that.
4) Don't ask employees to hold stuff for you until the prices go down. Why should they care if you save more money? Also, doing so would likely be a fireable offense. See, the bonus of the person running the liquidation at each store depends on how much merchandise he can unload. When employees start hoarding merchandise, either for their benefit or a customer's, that's money out of his pocket. He won't be happy, and he likely has the authority to fire anyone he wants.
5) Don't be high maintenance and/or a dick. I mean, try never to be a high maintenance and/or a dick, but understand that doing so during a liquidation sale is a lot more likely to blow up in your face. Under normal circumstances, retail employees are obviously required to be nice and patient, or they'll lose their jobs. But if they're already losing their jobs, that fear isn't much of a motivator. For those three or four glorious weeks of our liquidation sale, my co-workers and I operated on three settings: Neutral, Unhelpful, and I Honestly Don't Give a Fuck.
Neutral was our default position. We performed the barest essentials of our jobs, which was basically to just ring customers up and not set them on fire.
If the customers got too needy, we'd shift into Unhelpful:
"Hey, I couldn't find what I was looking for. Do you have it in stock?"
"Sorry, if it's not on the shelf, we probably don't have it."
"Well, is there anywhere else you could check? In the back, or maybe call one of your other stores?"
"Not really."
"Do you think you'll be getting more in?"
"I dunno. Maybe."
"Can I leave my number so you can call me if you do?"
"I don't think I'm allowed to. Sorry."
I Honestly Don't Give a Fuck is the nuclear option of liquidation retail. I never got to this point myself, but my manager did, and it was great. This one woman was a longtime customer, and was always a pain in the ass. She came in during the sale and started making the same sort of annoying requests that my manager had been putting up with for years. This time though, he said--not with these exact words, but unmistakably something with that sentiment--that he'd soon be out of a job and he honestly didn't give a fuck about her problems. One of my fellow clerks, on his last day, literally did say, "I don't give a fuck," to a customer who, frankly, probably didn't deserve it. But hey, life's unfair.
I guess if there is one Gallant-esque tip I could give, it's this: If you find yourself in a conversation with a retail employee who's losing his job soon, ask him if he has anything lined up, and say something supportive if the answer is no. I'm not saying you necessarily need to really care, but I always thought it was a nice gesture when a customer acknowledged me as a human being and not just an extension of the cash register.
When I had a retail job several years ago, the company I worked for declared bankruptcy and our store--along with pretty much every other one in the chain--immediately went into liquidation mode and soon closed. I wasn't overly broken up about this, as I'd been there only a couple of months and it was just a short-term gig while I looked for something better. But some of the longtime employees took it really hard. It especially sucked for my boss, who, when he applied for management positions at other stores, was often told that his years of managerial experience were nice, but they really wanted someone with a college degree. Having worked both retail and food service, I'll never say those jobs are easy, because they're not. But nor do they require college, even on the managerial level.
So I know what the Borders employees are in for, and it's not pretty. Liquidation sales are coming, and nothing brings out customers' inner assholes like A) The chance to save money, and B) The panic that they're not saving as much money as they think they could be.
Here are a few tips about how not to be that asshole customer during the upcoming liquidation. (I was thinking of structuring this as a Goofus and Gallant-type thing, but frankly, I couldn't come up with enough examples of good customer behavior to justify the Gallant part.)
1) Don't ask when sale prices will be reduced further. The rank-and-file employees often don't know. And if they do, they've probably been instructed not to tell customers.
2) On a related note, if you want something badly that even on sale is more than you want to pay, go ahead and get it instead of holding out for as long as possible. One customer had her heart set on this particular item. I guess she lived or worked nearby the store, so she would often come in and look at it. She asked, unsuccessfully, if we could hold it for her until the price went down further. (More on that in a moment.) She would even call every couple of days to see if we still had it in stock. And the whole time, I wanted to scream at her, "Look, you're quibbling over saving $30 or $40 more, tops. JUST. FUCKING. BUY. IT." But she didn't. And eventually when she called, I got to tell her, "No, sorry, it's gone." That gave me more satisfaction than it probably should have.
3) No, seriously, you can't return that. I'm guessing Borders will soon institute a no returns policy, as the whole point of liquidation is to get merchandise out of the store, not add to the inventory. Our last week, we had people trying to return stuff they'd bought during the liquidation, despite several "No Returns or Exchanges" signs posted around the registers. A woman came in with something she'd bought the week after we declared bankruptcy, and asked for a refund. We told her no. She asked if she could exchange it. Again, we told her no. Apparently completely oblivious to the "STORE CLOSING! 40%-50% OFF EVERYTHING!" signs throughout the store, she got angry and told us that with our attitude, we wouldn't be in business for much longer. We all got a good laugh out of that.
4) Don't ask employees to hold stuff for you until the prices go down. Why should they care if you save more money? Also, doing so would likely be a fireable offense. See, the bonus of the person running the liquidation at each store depends on how much merchandise he can unload. When employees start hoarding merchandise, either for their benefit or a customer's, that's money out of his pocket. He won't be happy, and he likely has the authority to fire anyone he wants.
5) Don't be high maintenance and/or a dick. I mean, try never to be a high maintenance and/or a dick, but understand that doing so during a liquidation sale is a lot more likely to blow up in your face. Under normal circumstances, retail employees are obviously required to be nice and patient, or they'll lose their jobs. But if they're already losing their jobs, that fear isn't much of a motivator. For those three or four glorious weeks of our liquidation sale, my co-workers and I operated on three settings: Neutral, Unhelpful, and I Honestly Don't Give a Fuck.
Neutral was our default position. We performed the barest essentials of our jobs, which was basically to just ring customers up and not set them on fire.
If the customers got too needy, we'd shift into Unhelpful:
"Hey, I couldn't find what I was looking for. Do you have it in stock?"
"Sorry, if it's not on the shelf, we probably don't have it."
"Well, is there anywhere else you could check? In the back, or maybe call one of your other stores?"
"Not really."
"Do you think you'll be getting more in?"
"I dunno. Maybe."
"Can I leave my number so you can call me if you do?"
"I don't think I'm allowed to. Sorry."
I Honestly Don't Give a Fuck is the nuclear option of liquidation retail. I never got to this point myself, but my manager did, and it was great. This one woman was a longtime customer, and was always a pain in the ass. She came in during the sale and started making the same sort of annoying requests that my manager had been putting up with for years. This time though, he said--not with these exact words, but unmistakably something with that sentiment--that he'd soon be out of a job and he honestly didn't give a fuck about her problems. One of my fellow clerks, on his last day, literally did say, "I don't give a fuck," to a customer who, frankly, probably didn't deserve it. But hey, life's unfair.
I guess if there is one Gallant-esque tip I could give, it's this: If you find yourself in a conversation with a retail employee who's losing his job soon, ask him if he has anything lined up, and say something supportive if the answer is no. I'm not saying you necessarily need to really care, but I always thought it was a nice gesture when a customer acknowledged me as a human being and not just an extension of the cash register.
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