Free parking

One day when I was 16, I went to Giant with my dad. The store was really crowded and the check-out lines were long and I was bored, so I did what any good son would do: I told my dad I was going to wait in the car, leaving him to carry out the groceries on his own.

The parking lot was also crowded, and as I left the store, I noticed a car following me to our parking place. "Well, he's going to have a long wait," I thought to myself, since it would be at least ten minutes until my dad got through the line. I assumed that once the driver realized I wasn't leaving, he'd move on. I got into the driver's seat, turned on WHFS, leaned back, and closed my eyes.

After a few moments, I heard this loud, obnoxious honking from behind me. I looked over my shoulder, and saw the driver of the car who had followed me (who was actually a she) with an annoyed expression on her face. She threw up her hands as if to say, "What the hell? Are you leaving or what?" I shook my head, and her expression changed from annoyed to incredulous, as if I'd intentionally tricked her, and she sped off through the parking lot to find another space.

Ever since then, being followed to my parking space in a crowded parking lot or garage has been one of my biggest pet peeves. And of course, this being the holidays, is when it tends to happen the most.

Now, is this somewhat irrational? Yes. In retrospect, when I saw the car following me in the Giant parking lot all those years ago, should I have let her know that I wasn't leaving? Sure. Should I have gotten the fuck over this by now? Absolutely.

But I haven't.

I hate the feeling of someone else trying to establish ownership of something that I haven't given up yet. I hate the feeling of being followed through a parking garage, as if I'm a really slow gazelle being stalked by an even slower lion. Most of all, I hate the feeling that once I get into my car, I can't take a minute or two to pick a playlist to listen to, or check my email on my phone, lest I get honked at by an impatient driver again. Which has actually happened a couple of times.

A couple of weeks ago on Black Friday, I went to Tysons Corner. When I got there around 9 am, there was plenty of parking. When I left a few hours later, the place was a madhouse. The entire garage was full and there were easily two dozen cars prowling around, hunting for an empty parking space.

Not five seconds after I set foot in the garage, one of the drivers rolled down her window and shouted out, "Hey, where are you parked?"

"Way over there," I said, pointing. She evidently decided "way over there" was too far, and moved on. A moment later, another car fell in behind me. I thought about asking for a ride, since we were both going in the same direction, but I guess that's frowned upon in our society. So I walked and the car just slowly trailed after me. And when I finally got to where I thought my car was parked, I realized I was on the wrong floor of the garage. I gave the driver a kind of apologetic half-shrug. He gave me a dirty look, rolled his eyes, and drove off.

Well, Jesus Christ, dude, I'm sorry. But you know, this obviously wasn't my greatest moment, either, and a little understanding would have been nice. We all make mistakes, right? I hope he got into a car accident and died on the way home.

I walked up to the next level, now in a bad mood. I'd been up since 3:30 am and I was kind of annoyed with the world in general, and holiday shoppers in particular. On the bright side, I could see my car.

Instantly, a minivan pulled up next to me, and a woman rolled her window down. "Excuse me, sir? Are you leaving?"

"No," I lied. I don't even know why. It just kind of came out. Then I noticed that she had four little kids in the minivan with her.

Naturally, I felt like a complete asshole. I mean, even with whatever stupid pet peeves I have regarding parking lots, not giving my space to a woman with kids was an inexcusably shitty thing to do. So I had a choice to make: Do the mature thing and say, "Wait, I'm sorry! I meant, yes! I'm right over there. Follow me!" or not say anything and let her drive off?

Obviously, I didn't say anything and let her drive off.

And no, I'm not proud of this. But I do think I deserve credit for consistency, even in the face of overwhelming temptation to do the right thing. And I'm sure that woman found a parking space. Eventually. Besides, have you seen today's modern minivans? They're practically entertainment centers on wheels. I did those kids a favor. Maybe.

This is probably one of those things I need to work on.