The Washington Post: Champion of D.C. Drama Queens

If Richard Nixon were still alive, even he would think this was the worst thing the Washington Post had ever run.

On Saturday, Martena Clinton parked her Lexus outside the convention center to attend a Congressional Black Caucus dinner. When she returned, she was told that the Secret Service had it towed it away from the building as a security precaution since Obama was speaking there. When they tried to locate it, they weren't able to.

I'll get back to the story in a bit, but first, what's up with that photo? The caption reads: "Exasperated Clinton searches for car Sunday." So she was looking for her car and just happened to have the Washington Post there to document it? It must be nice to have a major media outlet come out and cover life's inconveniences.

And she's not looking for her car in the photo. She's posing like...well, I'm not sure what kind of pose that is. Was she told to do that? Did she need coaching from the photographer to achieve that level of pure anguish? "Marlena, think about dead puppies! Kids with cancer! Wait! Hold it! Right there! Perfect!"

If you couldn't be bothered to click on the above link and read the whole story, you might wonder why I have it in for some poor woman whose car was boosted by the Secret Service.

Here's the pertinent passage:

She displayed a handicapped tag prominently, locked her car and checked with a police officer who happened to be parked right behind her. He assured her the spot was legal. Clinton put her credit cards, cash and makeup in a pocketbook and left it in the trunk, carrying a small purse into the dinner. It was 5:30 p.m.

I know what you're thinking. "Oh, my God, she had her car taken and she's handicapped?!? You're an asshole!" Wait for it...

"I can't believe this," Clinton, 64, of Randallsville, Md., said in an interview Sunday morning. "I am the caregiver for my 95-year-old mother, whom I take to church every Sunday. The police did not put a record of the car in the system. It's a mess. . . . I am getting very upset."

Yes, she's 64 and she uses that car to drive her 95 year-old mother to church. No, I'm really not a monster. Wait for it...

Clinton has the handicapped tag because her husband suffered a stroke.

There it is. She fraudulently used her husband's handicapped tag because that was easier than driving around to find a legal parking place or taking the Metro. Let me know if you find the part of the story where the reporter asks her why she was parked there in the first place, because I certainly couldn't find it.

Now, even though she was illegally parked, I don't blame her for being upset her car was taken. But seriously...how is this journalism? A woman lost her car. Government bureaucracy was unhelpful. A few hours later, she got it back. It's not news. It barely qualifies as human interest.

I haven't lost a car to the Secret Service, but I've certainly had to wait for twenty minutes as they hold up traffic for presidential motorcades to pass by, and been snapped at for trying to walk down Pennsylvania Ave. while it was shut down. Should I have called the Washington Post to send someone out? Is there a hot line for that sort of thing? Or maybe a Washington Post Signal I can flash in the sky?

There's also this weird element of the story:

District police did not respond to a reporter's additional calls and e-mail requests for information.
...
When the police search failed to produce the car by Sunday afternoon, Clinton called a reporter to say her friend was driving her home. Tiggle was still urging a positive outlook.
...
"What?" Clinton asked, still on the phone with a reporter.

Who is "a reporter"? Based on the phrasing, I'm guessing it's not the writer of this piece. So who, then? Some other Postie who Clinton had on speed dial and could call up to complain? This wasn't treated as some minor fluff piece, either. It had prominent placement on the front page of the Post's website yesterday for several hours.

The entirety of my experience in journalism comes from having written the movie review column in my high school newspaper. And I never actually saw most of the movies I reviewed. So I clearly don't know much about journalistic ethics. But I do know that if you're a reporter and you get a phone call from a friend asking you to send someone to detail her bad day, maybe you shouldn't say yes. Or at least have the integrity to point out that she had it coming.