I hope I get to play a Decepticon

Transformers 3, which will soon be filming in D.C., recently put out a casting call for extras. I applied yesterday. I have no idea if I'll be picked. You're required to submit a photo, and I used one in which I'm looking a bit disheveled. So if they do pick me, it'll likely be because the script requires a hobo, as opposed to a congressional aide.

As I wait to hear back from them, I can't help but think about the last time I was an extra in a D.C.-based film production.

Was it on an acclaimed television show, like 24 or The West Wing? No.

Was it in a hit motion picture, like Wedding Crashers or Salt? Not exactly.

Was it at least in an Eastern Motors commercial? I wish!

No, it was in this.

If you're 21 or younger, you probably don't know who any of the people in that poster are. But once upon a time, Hollywood was willing to pay them to be in movies.

Back in 1995, I heard on the radio that they were filming a new Sinbad movie at Tysons Galleria. It was summer vacation and I had nothing else to do, so I decided to check it out. I'm not sure what I was expecting. Like, if I'd be able to just wander onto the set or what. But that's pretty much what happened.

Along with the crew, there were a couple hundred extras inside. They were filming in different parts of the mall, so anyone who wasn't in whatever scene was being shot would just hang out and watch, and I just blended in.

Sadly--and I'm not being facetious here, this really did bum me out--I didn't see Sinbad that day. But I did see Timothy Busfield and the guy who tries to kill Whitney Houston in The Bodyguard. I also learned three things about the movie business: 1) People working on a film crew will often go out of their way to be as big an asshole as possible, 2) A lot of extras suffer from delusions of grandeur and think they're about to be discovered, and 3) Every scene is filmed multiple times, and when things like props and large crowds of extras have to be reset after each shot, it's fucking boring as fuck.

I watched them film one scene four or five times. It took almost two hours. I was just about to leave when a PA came by and announced that the next two scenes would be shot around where I was standing, and that all of us extras needed to be ready.

Oh, I was an extra now? Cool! I decided to stick around.

Not long after, someone else on the crew came over and started telling extras what they'd be doing in the scene. Where to stand, where to walk, where not to walk, etc. He pointed at me, and then at a man and a woman who looked to be in their 40s. "Okay, you, you, and you...you guys are going to be a family coming out of that store." Then he dashed off to give other extras their directions.

While waiting, I got to know my movie parents. It turned out they were both hardcore extras, the kind who showed up for pretty much every film shoot in the area. The woman seemed nice enough, but I thought the guy was a little intense. He told me about a couple of other film sets he'd worked on, even though I didn't ask him to.

They filmed one other scene first, then it was our turn. We all got into place, the director yelled "Action!", and the guy from The Bodyguard sped by in his wheelchair. And then..."Cut!" The whole thing took about five seconds.

While they were resetting everything, I turned to my movie dad and said, "I think I looked right into the camera."

"Don't look into the camera!" he hissed. "Then they can't use the shot!" I realized that for him, being an extra was serious business, and that he was annoyed because he thought my camera-looking might cost him his moment of cinematic glory. I tried not to speak to him for the rest of time I was there.

We filmed it a couple more times. There was actually another camera off to the left that was much closer, so I was surprised when I saw the movie (yes, I paid to watch this in the theater just so I could see myself) that they used the distant shot that they did. So who knows, maybe my looking into the camera did cost that guy his shot at fame.

Here's the actual scene. It's in the first thirty seconds, so don't feel you have to watch the whole thing. Unless you want to see Sinbad fight Timothy Busfield.

Shortly afterwards, they stopped the filming for lunch. We were all told to go to a big room where there'd be pizza and prize drawings. This sounded good, but it also seemed like the kind of thing they might check names against a list for. It's not like I thought I'd get arrested for sneaking onto a movie set, especially since it wasn't actually trespassing, but the idea of public embarrassment was a pretty good deterrent. So I decided to split. I walked with the rest of the extras towards the pizza room and then just kept on walking.

If I do get to work on Transformers 3, I hope I get close enough to Michael Bay to strike up a conversation, at which point I'll ask him to stop producing awful remakes of great horror films. Given what I've heard about his temperament, I think he'll appreciate the feedback. Maybe he'll even be so grateful for setting him straight that he'll arrange for me to finally meet Sinbad.