2010 Baltimore Comic-Con

On Saturday, I had a really difficult choice to make. Was I going to head down to the Lincoln Memorial to observe Glenn Beck's and Sarah Palin's "Let's Piss On MLK's Memory Rally" or whatever it was, or go to the Baltimore Comic-Con, and spend a few hours surrounded by comic books, comic book creators, and fellow comic book geeks?

Actually, you know what? It wasn't a difficult choice at all. Especially since I had already purchased my ticket.

Stormtroopers greeted people as they entered the convention center. In Sarah Palin's ideal America, they would have greeted people at her rally, as well. Only the blasters would have been real, and liberals would have been deported to Alderaan and promptly blown up.

Aquaman gets a lot of crap about his super powers. But in the hopes of making himself more useful to the Justice League, he's apparently working on his passing-out-free-swag skills.

At one point, I was in the restroom and Aquaman came in to adjust his blonde wig in front of a mirror. If he'd also taken a leak, I think I would have had to get a picture from behind. I know it would have been weird and creepy and almost certainly illegal, but come on. Wouldn't Aquaman at a urinal have been the greatest photo ever?

I don't think Biggie would appreciate this likeness. Or that he's been marked down to only ten bucks.

This is the man who created* the Joker. I'd like you all to just look at this photo until you feel sufficiently awed. Then you may continue.

(*Well, depending on whose account you believe, created, co-created or had nothing whatsoever to do with creating. But since Bob Kane and Bill Finger are dead, I guess Jerry Robinson wins by default.)

Guest of Honor Todd McFarlane wore an Orioles jersey to the con. A personalized Orioles jersey with "McFarlane" on the back. How can someone who loves baseball so much commit the worst sports fan faux pas there is?

I don't especially like McFarlane's art or business ethics, but I'll give him this: The guy spent a lot of time signing stuff for fans and posing for photos. The line was ridiculous, but since they distributed tickets for his signing, I'm assuming everyone got taken care of. Good for him.

A few more thoughts:

-- I took a break around noon to get some fresh air. I was surprised to see a huge line of people snaking through most of the lobby, waiting to buy tickets. I'm guessing it probably took almost an hour just to get up to the ticket booth. Look, I hate paying Ticketmaster fees, too, but geez, if you go next year, buy your tickets ahead of time, people. At only $15 bucks each, even if something comes up and you can't go, you're not out that much.

-- There were a lot of kids at the show, which was good to see. One little girl, I at first thought was dressed at Hit-Girl from Kick-Ass, which would have been the most awesomely inappropriate parenting decision ever. But it turns out she was Raven. Still, it's something for parents to consider for next year. Think how great a Big Daddy/Hit-Girl father/daughter pair would be.

-- I've been to a couple of panels at previous Baltimore shows, but I've never gone to one of DC Comics's "DC Nation" panels before. Nor will I ever again. What a complete waste of an hour. I'm not sure what I was expecting, but it would have been nice if the host, DC Editor Ian Sattler, had been more forthcoming or interesting. Instead, during the Q&A, we got exchanges like this:

Fan: "Hey, how about bringing back (some character or series)?"
Sattler: "Maybe. We'll see." Or just, "No."

Fan: "Can you talk about what's going on with (whatever)?"
Sattler: "Not yet, but soon."

Fan: "Can you ban Kevin Smith from writing any more Batman stories?"
Sattler: "That's mean. And no."

I get that San Diego is where all the big announcements are going to be made, and I don't expect Sattler to agree to greenlight a new Gotham Central series on the spot just because everyone in the room seemed to think he should. But it would have been nice to have walked out of there not feeling as if I'd just taken part in a really dull marketing survey.

-- It never ceases to amaze me how many hot girls are either into cosplay or can apparently be talked into it by their boyfriends. It also amazes me how many girls seem to approach it with the attitude of, "If I'm going to do this, what's the absolute sluttiest outfit I can go with?" There were a couple of mini-skirted Robins, a midriff-baring Supergirl, and a Black Canary who was getting a lot of attention in her fishnets, but luckily had a Green Arrow with her to ward off creeps. And Saturday wasn't even the day of the costume contest. I can only imagine what Sunday was like.

The best one, though, was a girl dressed as Cammy from Street Fighter, whose "costume" consisted of what was basically a blue swimsuit and a small hat and not much else. As she walked around the convention floor, she was like a black hole sucking dudes in as they'd notice her, at which point their heads would whip around to look. Or stare. Or just openly leer. (I looked. I'm almost sure I didn't stare. I know I didn't leer. I think.)

I felt a little bad for her, as she couldn't go ten feet without someone asking to take a picture with her, which required her to stop and pose in a fighting stance. One guy even hugged her afterwards. Awkward. Though not quite as awkward as me overhearing a couple of vendors talking about her (barely covered) ass and what they'd like to do to it, after she'd walked by. Ugh. Comic book geeks are a sexually frustrated, cowardly lot.

-- Speaking of frustrating, I wish Artists' Alley was better this year. In theory, this should be one of the best parts of the convention. Independent creators releasing the types of books mainstream publishers aren't? Cool, huh? Unfortunately, I couldn't find a single thing that caught my interest. Lots of comics about zombies. Lots of comics that appeared to be Buffy the Vampire Slayer rip-offs. Lots of comics that appeared to be based on a really thin gag or premise.

To be fair, I didn't really give each table more than a cursory look. So it's entirely possible the comics had more substance than it seemed. It's just that if you stop and browse, you're guaranteed to get sucked into a conversation with the creator about his or her comic. Which makes it a little weird if you ultimately end up saying, "Well, thanks," and walk off without buying anything.

Maybe I'll go to the Small Press Expo next month and have better luck there.

-- I was probably going to skip Baltimore this year until I found out one guest in particular was going to be there. At last year's show, Neal Adams signed a copy of Batman #251, arguably the greatest Joker story ever. Which meant I just needed Denny O'Neil's autograph. Who, by some awesome cosmic coincidence, attended this year's show.

This now may be the coolest thing I own. When I get back from vacation next week, I'm going to have it framed. Hopefully, if my place is ever robbed, the thieves won't know anything about comics and just take non-cool crap like my TV and Xbox.