I was in sixth or seventh grade when Disney announced that they were going to build a new theme park in Haymarket, just a short drive away from D.C. and where I lived in Fairfax County.
Like I'm sure many kids around here were, I was absolutely exuberant upon hearing this. By that point, I'd already been to Disney World (still the gold standard, even though as I discovered a few years ago, not nearly as much fun when you're an adult. That time, my favorite ride was the buffet at a Norwegian restaurant in Epcot), Disneyland (pretty good, but meh, compared to Disney World), and Tokyo Disneyland (really meh, but at least there were no lines). So I loved the idea of having a Disneyland close by that I could go to without having to trek to the far corners of the earth. Orlando, Anaheim and Tokyo, being the far corners of the earth, for the purposes of this blog post.
But then I and all those other kids got the bad news. We wouldn't be getting a Disneyland. We'd be getting something called "Disney's America." There'd be rides, but its primary function was going to be to educate visitors about American history, which Disney's always had some weird fascination with. I'm sure it would have actually been a lot of fun, but at the time, I stopped listening once I heard the word "education."
In the end, it didn't happen. There were the usual NIMBY objections, and people were also upset that Disney would be decimating hundreds of acres of land around Civil War battlefields to build this thing. (My class once took a field trip to Manassas. Per our teacher's instructions, we spent a good part of the day futilely looking for arrowheads. A theme park would have been a vast improvement.) So eventually, Disney gave up and dropped the whole thing.
I'd mostly forgotten about it until someone brought it up recently. So I checked it out on Wikipedia. I had no idea the plans were so detailed, but here's what the park would have included:
Crossroads USA - A Civil War-era village that would serve as the hub of Disney's America. Guests would enter under an 1840s train trestle, which featured antique steam trains that circled the park.
That sounds cool. Who doesn't like trains? In the very least, this seems like a better entrance than the old Main Street U.S.A. in Disney World, where one of the very first things you would run into was an arcade. If I were a parent and had just dropped $50 per ticket to bring my kids to Disney World, I'd be fucking furious if that wanted to stop and play video games.
Native America - A recreation of a Native American village that would have reflected the tribes that were known in that part of the country. Guests would have also enjoyed interactive experiences, exhibits and arts and crafts, as well as a white water river raft ride that travelled throughout the area, based on the Lewis and Clark Expedition.
Can you really call them "arts and crafts" if they're made in Taiwan? I also wonder how many people would have passed through this area, obliviously wearing their Redskins gear.
Civil War Fort - A Civil War fort would have plunged guests into a more turbulent time of American history, and adjacent to it, a replica battlefield where Civil War re-enactments and water battles between the Monitor and the Merrimac would have once again been fought.
Death by bayonet, festering wounds, and battlefield amputations don't seem especially Disney-esque, so these battles probably would have been more along the lines of the kind of re-enactments you see at county fairs around here, where people just put on Civil War uniforms and sit around a campfire making oatmeal. The water battles probably would have been great, though. You know that part in Pirates of the Caribbean, where the two ships are firing cannons at each other? That's kind of what I'm picturing. Only more educational and less fun.
We The People - Moving into the 20th century, a replica of the Ellis Island building, which acted as the gateway to America for many immigrants in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Guests would have lived the "immigrant experience" through music, ethnic foods and a live show presentation.
I'm guessing Disney's "immigrant experience" would have been considerably more pleasant than immigrants' "immigrant experience." For the sake of accuracy, though, maybe Disney doctors could have examined visitors for certain diseases and expelled them from the park if they felt they were a contagion risk. Also, it goes without saying that any Irish would have been harassed by park security, and not allowed in many of the restaurants.
State Fair - An area that was going to show how even during the Great Depression in the 1930s, Americans knew how to entertain themselves. With folk art exhibits and a live show on baseball, guests could also have enjoyed classic wooden thrill rides reminiscent of Coney Island.
This area of the park probably would have horrified anyone who had actually lived through the Great Depression. But between the baseball show and the rides, I'm sure I would have dug it. Disney would have achieved accuracy in one at least one regard, though: The mark-up on Great Depression food prices and Disney food prices, undoubtedly would have been really similar.
Family Farm - A recreation of an authentic farm where guests could have had the opportunity to see different types of farm industries related to food production in addition to some hands-on experiences like milking cows and learning what homemade ice cream tasted like.
Pass. Unless there was a Disney slaughterhouse you could walk through.
President's Square - A celebration of the birth of democracy and those who fought to preserve it. The Hall of Presidents from Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World would have been moved to this section of Disney's America.
Ugh. Anyone who's ever had to endure the Hall of Presidents at Disney World knows just how dull and generally shitty it is. I'm not saying it wouldn't have fit in perfectly with the motif of Disney's America, but I'm not wild about the Magic Kingdom's plan to dump their garbage on us.
Enterprise - A mock factory town, it would have highlighted American ingenuity where guests could have ridden a major roller coaster attraction called the "Industrial Revolution", traveling through a 19th century landscape with heavy industry and blast furnaces. And, on either side of the coaster would have been exhibits of famous American technology that defined the American industry in the past, and new developments that would have defined industries in the future.
This one sounds really good. I mean, I had no idea 19th century factory towns were so cool, but I guess I'll take Disney's word for it.
Victory Field - Guests would have experienced what America's soldiers faced in the defense of freedom during the world wars. It would have been themed to resemble an air field with a series of hangars containing attractions based on America's military fight using virtual reality technology. The air field would have also served as an exhibit area of planes from different periods, as well as a place for major flying exhibitions. Soarin' from Epcot and Disney's California Adventure was originally proposed for this area.
I know it's not what Disney was planning here, but after reading the "...experienced what America's soldiers faced in the defense of freedom during the world wars" bit, I immediately thought of a theme park ride version of the opening of Saving Private Ryan, and how awesome that would be. Maybe a bit tasteless. But awesome. I sort of cringe to think what early 90s virtual reality technology would have been like. Remember those mall kiosks where you could pay $10 to put on a big helmet for a few minutes, and shoot at badly rendered versions of other players? Or the Virtual Boy? Probably a lot like that, leaving people unsatisfied and with headaches.
Ultimately, even without "real" Disney rides, I'm sorry this never happened. Six Flags is awful, and King's Dominion and Busch Gardens are too far away to make the trip worth it. It would have been nice to have had a closer alternative. Besides, I'm sure that once Disney realized how much the park's reputation for being "educational" was costing it, they would have jazzed the place up a bit. We'd probably even have that Saving Private Ryan ride I wished for.
Like I'm sure many kids around here were, I was absolutely exuberant upon hearing this. By that point, I'd already been to Disney World (still the gold standard, even though as I discovered a few years ago, not nearly as much fun when you're an adult. That time, my favorite ride was the buffet at a Norwegian restaurant in Epcot), Disneyland (pretty good, but meh, compared to Disney World), and Tokyo Disneyland (really meh, but at least there were no lines). So I loved the idea of having a Disneyland close by that I could go to without having to trek to the far corners of the earth. Orlando, Anaheim and Tokyo, being the far corners of the earth, for the purposes of this blog post.
But then I and all those other kids got the bad news. We wouldn't be getting a Disneyland. We'd be getting something called "Disney's America." There'd be rides, but its primary function was going to be to educate visitors about American history, which Disney's always had some weird fascination with. I'm sure it would have actually been a lot of fun, but at the time, I stopped listening once I heard the word "education."
In the end, it didn't happen. There were the usual NIMBY objections, and people were also upset that Disney would be decimating hundreds of acres of land around Civil War battlefields to build this thing. (My class once took a field trip to Manassas. Per our teacher's instructions, we spent a good part of the day futilely looking for arrowheads. A theme park would have been a vast improvement.) So eventually, Disney gave up and dropped the whole thing.
I'd mostly forgotten about it until someone brought it up recently. So I checked it out on Wikipedia. I had no idea the plans were so detailed, but here's what the park would have included:
Crossroads USA - A Civil War-era village that would serve as the hub of Disney's America. Guests would enter under an 1840s train trestle, which featured antique steam trains that circled the park.
That sounds cool. Who doesn't like trains? In the very least, this seems like a better entrance than the old Main Street U.S.A. in Disney World, where one of the very first things you would run into was an arcade. If I were a parent and had just dropped $50 per ticket to bring my kids to Disney World, I'd be fucking furious if that wanted to stop and play video games.
Native America - A recreation of a Native American village that would have reflected the tribes that were known in that part of the country. Guests would have also enjoyed interactive experiences, exhibits and arts and crafts, as well as a white water river raft ride that travelled throughout the area, based on the Lewis and Clark Expedition.
Can you really call them "arts and crafts" if they're made in Taiwan? I also wonder how many people would have passed through this area, obliviously wearing their Redskins gear.
Civil War Fort - A Civil War fort would have plunged guests into a more turbulent time of American history, and adjacent to it, a replica battlefield where Civil War re-enactments and water battles between the Monitor and the Merrimac would have once again been fought.
Death by bayonet, festering wounds, and battlefield amputations don't seem especially Disney-esque, so these battles probably would have been more along the lines of the kind of re-enactments you see at county fairs around here, where people just put on Civil War uniforms and sit around a campfire making oatmeal. The water battles probably would have been great, though. You know that part in Pirates of the Caribbean, where the two ships are firing cannons at each other? That's kind of what I'm picturing. Only more educational and less fun.
We The People - Moving into the 20th century, a replica of the Ellis Island building, which acted as the gateway to America for many immigrants in the 19th and early 20th centuries. Guests would have lived the "immigrant experience" through music, ethnic foods and a live show presentation.
I'm guessing Disney's "immigrant experience" would have been considerably more pleasant than immigrants' "immigrant experience." For the sake of accuracy, though, maybe Disney doctors could have examined visitors for certain diseases and expelled them from the park if they felt they were a contagion risk. Also, it goes without saying that any Irish would have been harassed by park security, and not allowed in many of the restaurants.
State Fair - An area that was going to show how even during the Great Depression in the 1930s, Americans knew how to entertain themselves. With folk art exhibits and a live show on baseball, guests could also have enjoyed classic wooden thrill rides reminiscent of Coney Island.
This area of the park probably would have horrified anyone who had actually lived through the Great Depression. But between the baseball show and the rides, I'm sure I would have dug it. Disney would have achieved accuracy in one at least one regard, though: The mark-up on Great Depression food prices and Disney food prices, undoubtedly would have been really similar.
Family Farm - A recreation of an authentic farm where guests could have had the opportunity to see different types of farm industries related to food production in addition to some hands-on experiences like milking cows and learning what homemade ice cream tasted like.
Pass. Unless there was a Disney slaughterhouse you could walk through.
President's Square - A celebration of the birth of democracy and those who fought to preserve it. The Hall of Presidents from Magic Kingdom, Walt Disney World would have been moved to this section of Disney's America.
Ugh. Anyone who's ever had to endure the Hall of Presidents at Disney World knows just how dull and generally shitty it is. I'm not saying it wouldn't have fit in perfectly with the motif of Disney's America, but I'm not wild about the Magic Kingdom's plan to dump their garbage on us.
Enterprise - A mock factory town, it would have highlighted American ingenuity where guests could have ridden a major roller coaster attraction called the "Industrial Revolution", traveling through a 19th century landscape with heavy industry and blast furnaces. And, on either side of the coaster would have been exhibits of famous American technology that defined the American industry in the past, and new developments that would have defined industries in the future.
This one sounds really good. I mean, I had no idea 19th century factory towns were so cool, but I guess I'll take Disney's word for it.
Victory Field - Guests would have experienced what America's soldiers faced in the defense of freedom during the world wars. It would have been themed to resemble an air field with a series of hangars containing attractions based on America's military fight using virtual reality technology. The air field would have also served as an exhibit area of planes from different periods, as well as a place for major flying exhibitions. Soarin' from Epcot and Disney's California Adventure was originally proposed for this area.
I know it's not what Disney was planning here, but after reading the "...experienced what America's soldiers faced in the defense of freedom during the world wars" bit, I immediately thought of a theme park ride version of the opening of Saving Private Ryan, and how awesome that would be. Maybe a bit tasteless. But awesome. I sort of cringe to think what early 90s virtual reality technology would have been like. Remember those mall kiosks where you could pay $10 to put on a big helmet for a few minutes, and shoot at badly rendered versions of other players? Or the Virtual Boy? Probably a lot like that, leaving people unsatisfied and with headaches.
Ultimately, even without "real" Disney rides, I'm sorry this never happened. Six Flags is awful, and King's Dominion and Busch Gardens are too far away to make the trip worth it. It would have been nice to have had a closer alternative. Besides, I'm sure that once Disney realized how much the park's reputation for being "educational" was costing it, they would have jazzed the place up a bit. We'd probably even have that Saving Private Ryan ride I wished for.
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