We're gonna party like it's 1988

"It's going to be awesome," the cable guy told me and my dad, as he finished replacing our old cable box with a new model. I watched him, almost breathless. The new box had a digital channel display and...and...a remote control! No longer would I have to get up from the couch and turn a dial on the box to change the channel, like someone watching cable TV in some poor, third world country.

But as awesome as all that was, that wasn't what the cable guy was referring to.

"Pretty soon," he continued, "if you want to see, like, Rambo III, instead of going to the movie theater, you can just order it on your TV the day it comes out. It's going to totally change how you watch movies."

The year was 1988, and Rambo III was coming out in just a couple of weeks. I wouldn't be seeing it, though, because my parents had a thing about violent movies. (Oddly enough, they seemingly had no problem whatsoever with nudity or foul language. By that point, I'd already seen Police Academy, Revenge of the Nerds and Back to School, with nary an objection.)

Of course, this promised revolution of the film distribution business model never came to pass. To this day, I have no idea where this guy got that idea from. But 22 years later? His bold prediction is coming true. Sort of.

Major Hollywood studios and one of the country's largest cable operators are in discussions to send movies to people's living-room TVs just weeks after films hit the multiplex, a step that would shake up film distribution.

During a cable industry convention last week, executives from Time Warner Cable Inc. made the first formal pitch to the Hollywood studios for what is known as "home theater on demand." The cable company presented a variety of scenarios. But the main one, which has received early support from some studio executives, would allow consumers to watch a movie at home just 30 days after its theatrical release—far earlier than the usual four months—for roughly $20 to $30 a pop.

At first, $20-$30 a movie sounded like an outrage, until I realized that movie tickets are already creeping up there. Every time I see a family of four or more in line at the theater, I shudder, and thank God that's not me. That's about $50 just to go to a movie. And those little bastards always want popcorn and sodas, too. That's at least another $20. Fuck that. If/when I have kids, I'm not even going to let them know that movie theaters exist until I absolutely have to. I figure if I home school them and don't let them have friends, I can keep it from them until they're at least 13. All they'll ever know is Netflix and maybe this on demand thing.

Anyway, if the wait between the theatrical release and the on demand release is initially 30 days, you know it won't be long before that drops to three weeks, then two weeks, then one week, then day-of, as movie studios get greedier and greedier. Which will hopefully have the effect of forcing theater chains to lower ticket prices for the first time in forever to get customers back.

So, congrats, cable guy. I'm not sure if your bullshit guarantee in 1988 was the result of your being misinformed, or if you just made it up for the hell of it, but I hope that you're on an installation job somewhere, smiling, knowing that you were finally proven right, after all.

Or, given that it has been 22 years, and I don't remember you looking especially healthy, if you're dead, that you're looking down from Heaven somewhere, smiling, knowing that you were finally proven right after all.