Google and the Freaks Who Use It

More of the Google searches that brought people here.

"how to get laid as a teenager" - Teenager or adult, I can't think of a worse blog to come to for this advice. I'm still waiting for someone to tell me how.

"mayor fenty open relationship" - I very much doubt this is true. The only other lady Mayor Fenty has time for is named Washington, D.C. And it's an abusive relationship.

"dan snyder asshole"
"dan snyder is evil"
"dan snyder must die" - I understand the first two, but "must die" is a bit much. Besides, the team would just be inherited by more Snyders. And it's not like those kids of his aren't evil assholes, too. Even if they are under ten.

"dating guys on the Hill in DC" - I'm not sure if this was a "Should I?" question or a "How do I?" question. If it's the former, the answer is obviously, "No." If it's the latter, the answer is, "Walk into any bar within a five-block radius of the Capitol, look for an extremely self-satisfied 23-year old in a cheap suit, and buy him a drink."

"where is freddie prinze jr now" - Probably regretting he took the role on 24. Regardless of how you feel about Down To You, no one deserves to be a part of that retarded Dana subplot.

"kadee strickland covered in Chocolate" - Ever since I first saw her in The Grudge, I've had a thing for Kadee Strickland. But now that it's been brought up, I think I actually would dig her more if she were covered in chocolate. Hot.

"archie fucks betty"
"archie fucks veronica" - The fascinating thing here, is that these searches came within just a few minutes of each other, from two different people in different parts of the world. Some guy from Reston is into Betty, while the other guy, in Chile of all places, is a Veronica man. Regardless, they're both out of luck. There is no fucking in Riverdale.

"commissioner gordon spanks robin fanfiction" - Ew. Look, I've read Bratpack, and as sick as that comic was, nothing in it grossed me out as much as this particular visual.

"Did Ted Levine Kill Corey Haim" - The guy from Silence of the Lambs and Monk?!? I'm almost positive he didn't. But if in fact Ted Levine is a murderer, he did a great job of making it look like an accidental overdose. This may be something Corey Feldman should investigate. Goonies-style.