Nine things I learned from The Nine Lives of Marion Barry

The Nine Lives of Marion Barry premiered on HBO last night. It's a great documentary, and well worth checking out. Not only because it tells you a lot of stuff about both Barry and D.C. that you probably didn't know, but because it paints an intriguing portrait of a man who you alternately find yourself cheering for (it's easy to forget what an incredible civil rights leader he was in the 60s and 70s) and despising (the video of him lecturing elementary school students about staying away from drugs back when he was buried up to his nostrils in coke, is particularly nauseating).

In particular, here's what I took away from it:

1) Marion Barry circa the mid-1970s was--and mind you, I say this with my heterosexuality fully intact--one great looking guy.

Hell, it's no wonder he's still a ladies man at 73. He never lost the confidence he had at 37.

2) Maybe the people of Ward 8 aren't so bad, after all. Have I made lots of Ward 8 cracks in the past? Yes. Can I now sort of see why they might turn to Barry in their desperation for political leadership? Yes. Do I feel kind of bad about all those cracks I've made about Ward 8? Sort of. Will I stop making cracks about Ward 8? Probably not.

3) "Dude" used to be an acceptable word for professional journalists to use.

4) According to Effi Barry, women sent photos of themselves, naked in their bathtubs, to her husband. Think about that for a moment. I'll buy that one woman might send Barry a photo of herself naked in a bathtub. But women? Plural? Either Effi was exaggerating, or else women in D.C. back in the day were kind of freaky. I get sending a naked photo of yourself to Barry. Because, come on, who wouldn't want to do that? But why the bathtub? (And who took the photo?)

5) Politicians are great liars. I know, this is hardly a groundbreaking revelation, but watching the footage of Barry repeatedly denying accusations that he was using drugs, I found myself believing him. And I know for a fact he did! Sociopaths have nothing on Marion Barry.

6) When it comes to ducking press questions, D.C.'s current mayor is a rank amateur compared to its former one. Watch Fenty embarrass himself in this video. Then compare that to Barry floating like a butterfly in this exchange between him and a reporter about one of his alleged mistresses from the early 80s:

Reporter: Karen Johnson?

Barry: You know, Washington is such a great place, and I enjoy being mayor so much.

Reporter: Mr. Mayor, I know Washington is a beautiful place--

Barry: And we're working hard at it.

Reporter: But is the U.S. Attorney out to get you?

Barry: And the citizens here are fortunate enough to have progressive leadership and faith in their mayor.

Reporter: Mr. Mayor, are you worried about reports of hush money?

Barry: Yeah, really great to be the mayor of this city.

That's awesome. I mean, yeah, sort of offensive, if you believe in things like integrity among public officials and transparent government. But also kind of awesome.

7) Barry should start one of those classes where he teaches guys how to score with women. Here are a few quotes from the hidden camera tape from that fateful night in the motel room with Rasheeda Moore in 1990:

"You look like new money."

"You been good? Of course not."

"What? I can't touch your breast?"

"Can we make love before you leave town? It would be a good idea just for old times' sake."

"Goddamn, I got fucked up up here. With this goddamn bitch set me up like this."

Okay, maybe not that last one. But everything else he said is so smooth, it makes silk look gravely. I wonder if I could get Barry to come out with me one night and be my wingman. No, wait, bad idea. Think about how humiliating it would be if Barry went home with a girl, and I didn't. And that's exactly what would happen, too.

8) I really want one of these T-shirts. Please, someone put one on eBay.

9) Next time I see Barry in person, I'm going to have a weird urge to give him a hug. Because he looks like needs it. Then I'm going to ask him to sign my copy of the Washington City Paper. Which I really think he'll do, since I just gave him a hug.