Date Lab is in the middle of one of it's irritating dull streaks where the couples featured are relatively decent and normal. (Aside from wanting to sign up for Date Lab, anyway.) So instead, let's take a look at the dating and/or stalking habits of D.C.'s Mayor For Life, Marion Shepilov Barry, Jr.
Dude, you're Marion Barry. You don't need to be buying $800...er...opera jackets (okay, I'll show my cultural ignorance, here: what the hell is an opera jacket?) for women, especially when you're in the red already.
Now, I know some will say that the reason a 73-year old ex-felon was able to date a woman over 30 years younger than him in the first place, was precisely because he would do stuff like buy her $800 opera jackets. But I disagree. I think Marion Barry is one of those charismatic older guys who women are just inexplicably drawn to. He didn't have to buy her expensive trinkets. He himself was the expensive trinket.
I guarantee that if it hadn't been for all his legal troubles back in the day (and by "back in the day," I mean as recently as a few weeks ago), he'd routinely be seen out on the town with women young enough to be his granddaughters on his arm.
I'm going to call bullshit on Barry, here. D.C.'s a small city, but I don't think I've ever just randomly encountered someone else's vehicle before. Now, I don't know if intentionally running into a woman necessarily counts as "stalking" in and of itself, but let's not pretend this was some weird occurrence that happened purely by chance.
Dumping a guy three days before his kidney transplant? Man, that's cold. I mean, you have to figure she was the dumper, not the dumpee, right? No guy dumps his girlfriend right before he goes under the knife.
Also, I'll buy "wonderful" and maybe even "insightful." But "history-telling experience"? I don't really think "I dated Marion Barry" carries quite the same weight as, say, "I dated JFK" or "I dated Sidney Portier" does. Not unless she has shockingly awesome stories about the sex or something. (You're welcome for that image.)
See, this illustrates a really good point for all stalkers to remember, regardless of whether you're an expert like Barry, or just starting out: Always wait until after your alleged victim decides whether or not to press charges before accusing her of being mentally unstable. If he'd just kept his mouth shut, this whole thing would have gone away. But now Barry's in a bit of a pickle. If he's saying she's mentally unstable, and she's saying that Barry actually wasn't following her that night, using Barry's logic, doesn't that mean that he probably was?
Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter. Laws clearly ceased applying to Marion Barry a long time ago. In fact, if I were him, I'd establish this as fact by simply running someone down with my car in front of witnesses. And at my trial, when my attorney asked me why I did it, I'd just grin and say, "Bitch set me up!" Everyone would laugh at what an adorable old rascal I was, and the judge would dismiss the case, and I'd go out and easily win reelection from my retarded Ward 8 constituents.
Through a spokeswoman yesterday, Barry called the charges unfounded and asked prosecutors to drop them. Natalie Williams, the spokeswoman, said that Barry feels "betrayed" because of the emotional and financial support he has provided Watts-Brighthaupt, 40, over the years and that he suggested she is unstable. In April, Barry made news after he paid $800 at an auction to buy Watts-Brighthaupt an opera jacket even as he struggled to repay back taxes.
Dude, you're Marion Barry. You don't need to be buying $800...er...opera jackets (okay, I'll show my cultural ignorance, here: what the hell is an opera jacket?) for women, especially when you're in the red already.
Now, I know some will say that the reason a 73-year old ex-felon was able to date a woman over 30 years younger than him in the first place, was precisely because he would do stuff like buy her $800 opera jackets. But I disagree. I think Marion Barry is one of those charismatic older guys who women are just inexplicably drawn to. He didn't have to buy her expensive trinkets. He himself was the expensive trinket.
I guarantee that if it hadn't been for all his legal troubles back in the day (and by "back in the day," I mean as recently as a few weeks ago), he'd routinely be seen out on the town with women young enough to be his granddaughters on his arm.
Williams said Barry and Watts-Brighthaupt met Saturday afternoon for lunch before Barry attended several Fourth of July events. On his way home, Williams said, Barry once again came into contact with Watts-Brighthaupt near the park after they saw each other's vehicles.
I'm going to call bullshit on Barry, here. D.C.'s a small city, but I don't think I've ever just randomly encountered someone else's vehicle before. Now, I don't know if intentionally running into a woman necessarily counts as "stalking" in and of itself, but let's not pretend this was some weird occurrence that happened purely by chance.
Watts-Brighthaupt said she worked on Barry's 2008 council campaign as a paid consultant and they began dating during the Democratic National Convention last summer. She said they broke up three days before his kidney transplant in February. "It was a wonderful, insightful, history-telling experience," she said of their time together.
Dumping a guy three days before his kidney transplant? Man, that's cold. I mean, you have to figure she was the dumper, not the dumpee, right? No guy dumps his girlfriend right before he goes under the knife.
Also, I'll buy "wonderful" and maybe even "insightful." But "history-telling experience"? I don't really think "I dated Marion Barry" carries quite the same weight as, say, "I dated JFK" or "I dated Sidney Portier" does. Not unless she has shockingly awesome stories about the sex or something. (You're welcome for that image.)
Watts-Brighthaupt said she is angered by the accusations Barry's spokeswoman made at the news conference. "I'm not emotionally disturbed. I did not siphon money off him," Watts-Brighthaupt responded. "I've never asked for a thing. I've never asked for a . . . thing -- including the $800 opera coat."
See, this illustrates a really good point for all stalkers to remember, regardless of whether you're an expert like Barry, or just starting out: Always wait until after your alleged victim decides whether or not to press charges before accusing her of being mentally unstable. If he'd just kept his mouth shut, this whole thing would have gone away. But now Barry's in a bit of a pickle. If he's saying she's mentally unstable, and she's saying that Barry actually wasn't following her that night, using Barry's logic, doesn't that mean that he probably was?
Whatever. I guess it doesn't matter. Laws clearly ceased applying to Marion Barry a long time ago. In fact, if I were him, I'd establish this as fact by simply running someone down with my car in front of witnesses. And at my trial, when my attorney asked me why I did it, I'd just grin and say, "Bitch set me up!" Everyone would laugh at what an adorable old rascal I was, and the judge would dismiss the case, and I'd go out and easily win reelection from my retarded Ward 8 constituents.
2 comments:
A Kidney transplant is not like having cancer.
When you're in your 70s and having a transplant, it might as well be. Regardless, she could have waited a week.
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