As I see it, there exist two unresolved questions of such profound importance that it could be said the very meaning of life itself hinges on the answers: 1) "Is there a God?" and 2) "Which is better, Star Wars or Star Trek?"
After giving both a fair amount of consideration (and seeing as how there is a new Star Trek film coming out this week), I decided to tackle the more vital question of the two.
After giving both a fair amount of consideration (and seeing as how there is a new Star Trek film coming out this week), I decided to tackle the more vital question of the two.
Plot
Star Wars: A whiny farm boy becomes a knight with magic super powers who fights his dad and his dad's boss, meets a mercenary with a heart of gold and his pet/best friend, and almost bangs his sister. Then, over the course of three prequel films, we find out how he was born.
Star Trek: Explorers jet around the galaxy in a cool starship, encountering new life and new civilizations, boldly going where no man has gone before.
Comments: Okay, I'm clearly showing a bit of favoritism, but let's be honest. Star Wars works in spite of its concept, not because of it. With Trek, while the execution sometimes fails, the ideas it's based on are far superior.
Winner: Star Trek
Films
Comments: On paper, Star Wars should win this one pretty handily. Unlike Star Trek, Star Wars is principally a movie franchise, and as much as people love Trek's undisputed best film, Wrath of Khan, it's not spoken of with anywhere close to the reverence reserved for the first two Star Wars films.
But let's break it down scientifically. Not...really scientifically, I guess. But you know. With numbers and stuff. To keep things as simple as possible, I'll just use a 3-point scale to grade each film (2 points = great, 1 point = okay, 0 points = terrible) and then take the average.
Star Wars:
A New Hope: 2
Empire Strikes Back: 2
Return of the Jedi: 1
Phantom Menace: 1
Attack of the Clones: 1
Revenge of the Sith: 2
Clone Wars: 0
Average score: 1.29
Star Trek:
The Motion Picture: 0
Wrath of Khan: 2
Search For Spock: 1
Voyage Home: 2
Final Frontier: 0
Undiscovered Country: 2
Generations: 1
First Contact: 2
Insurrection: 1
Nemesis: 0
Average score: 1.10
Winner: Star Wars
Television
Comments: Obviously, Trek is going to run away with this one. There have been several hundred hours of Star Trek, many of them quite good, compared to just Star Wars' legendarily awful Christmas special, a few cartoons here and there, and a couple of TV movies featuring Ewoks. Unless that live-action Star Wars series George Lucas swears is coming turns out to be the best thing ever (and it won't be), there's no way Star Wars can ever even hope to compete in this category.
Winner: Star Trek
Main Characters
Star Wars: Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia, Obi-Wan Kenobi, Anakin Skywalker
Star Trek: James T. Kirk, Jean-Luc Picard, Benjamin Sisko, Kathryn Janeway, Jonathan Archer
Comments: Trek gets dragged down a bit by the inclusion of Janeway and Archer, but the other three are more than strong enough to win this one. Besides, other than Han and maybe Obi-Wan, the Wars crew doesn't put up much of a fight here.
Winner: Star Trek
Villains
Star Wars: Darth Vader, the Emperor, Jabba the Hutt, Boba Fett
Star Trek: Klingons, Romulans, Khan, the Borg, Q, the Dominion
Comments: This one is a genuinely tough call. On the whole, I think Trek has more interesting villains (and certainly more of them), whereas Vader accounts for something like 99.99% of Wars' score in this category. But Trek also has a really annoying habit of watering its villains down as time goes by. Klingons became good guys, Q became comic relief, the Borg became dull, etc. Plus, Darth Vader is just cool. Not even the lame "Nooooooo!" from Revenge of the Sith can take that away.
Winner: Star Wars
Babes
Star Wars: Princess Leia
Star Trek: Uhura, Counselor Troi, Dr. Crusher, Lt. Yar, Major Kira, Dax (both of them), B'Elanna, Kes, Seven of Nine, T'Pol, Hoshi
Comments: Gold bikini. 'Nuff said.
Winner: Star Wars
Merchandise
Comments: Back in the early-to-mid 80s, all you had to do was stick the words "Star Wars" on the box, and kids would buy it--it didn't matter what it was--like it was heroin. In fact, the only reason we're not a nation of addicts today is that heroin dealers never thought to strike a licensing deal with George Lucas. But pretty much everything else imaginable could be had: action figures, bedsheets, stuffed animals (I, uh, might have an Ewok somewhere, boxed up among my old toys), glassware, costumes, Legos...the list goes on.
I'm sure even before the current merchandising blitz of the new Star Trek film, there's been plenty of Trek stuff. But aside from a few cheap-looking action figures from years ago, I honestly can't think of any examples.
Winner: Star Wars
Expanded Universe
Comments: Both Star Wars and Star Trek have gone far beyond what's appeared on-screen, by releasing tons of novels and comic books in order to build up their respective universes, as well as fill in gaps or address continuity issues. I can't really claim to be an expert here, as I've only read a handful of novels from each franchise, and while I read pretty much all of DC's TNG comics from the 90s, I could never get into Star Wars comics.
But while Trek doesn't really get too ambitious with its expanded universe, preferring to maintain the status-quo as much as possible, Star Wars has long-used theirs to do major stuff like introduce Luke Skywalker's wife, have Leia give birth to Jedi twins, and kill off Chewbacca. Plus, for continuity freaks, all the Star Wars stuff is considered canon, whereas Paramount can ignore (and has) pretty much anything in the Trek novels it wants to.
Winner: Star Wars
Video Games
Star Wars: Super Star Wars, Tie Fighter, Dark Forces, Jedi Knight, X-Wing Alliance, Knights of the Old Republic
Star Trek: Uh...um... Hey, that Voyager game that used to be in Time Out in Springfield Mall? Where you'd sit in it and shoot at the Borg? That was okay.
Winner: Star Wars
Cinematic Love Letter
Star Wars: Fanboys
Star Trek: Free Enterprise
Comments: Both are great, hilarious films, with interesting commentary on geek culture. (And oddly enough, both feature William Shatner appearing as himself.) But Fanboys is far and away the better film, not only because it's funnier overall and has Kristen Bell looking hot, but because Free Enterprise can never seem to decide whether it's celebrating geeks or making fun of them.
Winner: Star Wars
Final Results
By an amazing 7-3 margin, Star Wars wins!
It doesn't matter, though. Star Trek is still better. Suck it, fanboys.
4 comments:
Great post. I'm super psyched for tomorrow.
I am so going to see it on the IMAX in London. Pity my brothers wedding is getting in the way and I have to wait until next week...
"I like Star Wars, but I wish it had more scenes with people standing around talking. I would also prefer that all the villains appear on a giant big screen TV where they can announce their intentions."
"Well, you're in luck, sir..."
(I joke because I love... the new movie looks great and a much needed boost for the franchise.)
The weird thing is, I LOVE all the talking in Star Trek. I mean, the action is nice and all, but given the budget limitations of the TV shows, it's never been particularly impressive.
But the episodes that focused on diplomacy or politics? Those were my favorites. Especially the later seasons of DS9, where there was all that negotiating between the Federation, the Dominion, the Cardassians, etc. Great stuff.
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