Star Trek

Spoilers follow...

The Good:

- The casting. It's mostly excellent. Chris Pine (who's come a long way since Just My Luck, an insipid romantic comedy starring Lindsay Lohan, that I'm embarrassed to admit, I didn't entirely hate) made a great Kirk. Zachary Quinto and Karl Urban did such a good job channeling Leonard Nimoy and DeForest Kelley, it was scary. Zoe Saldana made Uhura both interesting and sexy, two things I've never associated with the character. Simon Pegg was a much better Scotty than I expected. Bruce Greenwood as Pike was some nice out-of-the-box casting. John Cho was fine, but is he the only Asian actor in Hollywood? It would have been nice if they'd found someone who looked a little more like George Takei.

- The special effects. Every time a new sci-fi movie (especially a sci-fi movie of the giant-spaceships-blowing-up-other-giant-spaceships variety) comes along, I think, "Okay, this is it. Effects can't possibly get any better than this." And each time I'm proven wrong. The space battles in Star Trek are just incredible. And even though I didn't love the film, I'll probably watch it again in IMAX, in order to really appreciate them.

- The opening sequence with the Kelvin getting destroyed, juxtaposed with Kirk's birth. I might have choked up a little. I'm not saying I did. Just that I might have. A little.

- Spock and Uhura. Did not see that coming.

- Scotty's throwaway line about Admiral Archer's dog. Enterprise wasn't a great series, but considering that it took place shortly before the events in the film, it definitely needed to be referenced in some way. And frankly, considering that the film is more or less intentionally unfriendly towards longtime Trekkies, it was nice to get thrown a bone.

- The uniforms. I'm a little surprised they didn't get a complete overhaul along with everything else. But I'm glad they didn't, as it's a pretty iconic look. The filmmakers did modernize the tunics the male crew members wear, using new material and adding a black undershirt, but that's about it. And not only did the female uniform's miniskirt stay, but hey, it crept up a few inches! That's a changed timeline I can believe in.

The Bad:

- Chekov. Wasn't in the first season of the show, shouldn't have been in the movie. Other than those gags involving his accent, he was totally unnecessary to the plot. And what was he doing on the Enterprise at age 17, anyway? Not even fucking Wesley Crusher had graduated from the Academy at 17, and he was a super genius.

- Set design. Obviously, they weren't going to faithfully recreate the original design, which looked really clunky and non-futuristic even back in the 60s. But it would have been nice if they'd gone with more subtle changes, keeping something of a retro look, instead of making the bridge look like an Apple Store.

- The new timeline. I understand why they did it, but it seems unnecessary. Almost everything that happens in this film and any sequels could have just been retconned into the existing Trek continuity, and placed before the events of the original TV show. True, that would have meant that the major changes that were made--Vulcan being destroyed, chief among them--wouldn't have been possible, but I don't think the film would have been irreparably harmed without those changes. At least the film very clearly spells out that the characters are, in fact, in a new timeline, so those Trekkies who are mainly fans of the TNG-era characters can rest easily, knowing that all those stories they love haven't been completely wiped out of continuity.

The Ugly:

- The Kobayashi Maru. This is a scene that every Trekkie has dreamed of seeing, and it just felt rushed and flat.

- Product placement. Totally inappropriate for a Star Trek film. Nokia? Budweiser? There is no Nokia or Budweiser in the future. There are no corporations. There is no money. Hey, look, I'm not saying this is a realistic future, but for better or worse, it is the one Star Trek is based on. I guess I should be thankful there wasn't a Cisco logo on Uhura's console.

- Plot holes. I can overlook the occasional lapse in logic here and there (like, say, Starfleet being so shorthanded that they're forced to use cadets for the Vulcan mission), but there are three plot holes so huge, you could fly a starship through them:

1) Pike appointing a cadet as the first officer when he left to board the Romulan ship. What about the dozens, if not hundreds, of officers on board the Enterprise? Chekov had more seniority, for Christ's sake.

2) Spock ejecting Kirk from the ship. He could have confined him to quarters. He could have put him in the brig. Stranding him on a desolate ice planet crawling with predators seemed a bit draconian, regardless of whether or not there was a conveniently placed Starfleet installation nearby.

3) At the end of the film, Kirk goes straight from cadet to captain? And not just captain of any ship, but of the flagship of the entire fleet? Seriously? There's no way to rationalize this. It's just stupid.

Final thoughts:

In the end, this isn't a Trek film that was made for Trekkies. Not hardcore Trekkies, not casual Trekkies, and not Trekkies somewhere between the two, like me. It was made primarily for people who have never been to a Trek film before. It was made for people who may not have even been born when TNG premiered in 1987. It was made for people who walked out of the theater not having any more interest in going back to watch old Star Trek episodes than they did before seeing the movie, but will eagerly be there opening weekend two or three years from now for the sequel.

And I guess I don't begrudge Paramount this. The box office for Nemesis and the ratings for Enterprise were horrible. They clearly needed to do something to re-energize the franchise. Still, it would have been nice if they'd trusted the audience enough to enjoy a story about Ensign Kirk and save his promotion to captain for the next film, instead of cramming everything into this one.

Also, when Star Trek inevitably makes its return to television, where it really belongs, I hope they don't feel beholden to staying with this new timeline Abrams created, and goes back to the original one. It'll make longtime fans happy, and I doubt the new ones would even be able to tell the difference.