DC Universe Decisions #2

"Well, Lois, as a man who's dutifully served this nation, this planet, this whole damn universe--I have to say, without a doubt, Ridgeway has the stuff. Trust in Guy when he says that this is the guy." - Guy Gardner

For as long as I can remember, there has been one absolute, inviolable law when it comes to comic books: Guy Gardner makes everything better. No matter what series, no matter what creative team, if you put Guy Gardner in a story, it's instantly improved. Sometimes vastly so.

So thank God for Guy, who provides really the only great page in an issue that actually manages to be much, much worse than the first.

More on that, as well as spoilers, right after Green Arrow, Green Lantern, and Black Canary have what I'm pretty sure is a prelude to a three-way.

If we're being honest, this thing never should have been published in the first place. But if it absolutely had to be, it should have just been a 48-page one-shot. Because stretching it out over four issues has resulted in some serious padding in this one: Another attempt on a candidate's life. Another philosophical discussion about whether it's appropriate for superheroes to weigh in on the electoral process. Another few pages burned by having Green Arrow act like an ass.

And it's still ridiculous that we're expected to accept that this is the first time that anyone's thought to ask a superhero what his or her political preference is. In the context of the DCU, superheroes' celebrity is essentially on the same level as that of rock stars and movie stars. We know that in the DCU, there are magazines devoted to superheroes. We know that average people are often desperate to become superheroes themselves. So are we really supposed to believe that every time up until now that someone has shoved a microphone in Superman's face, they've only asked about his thoughts on what it's like to fight Doomsday or where he gets his costumes tailored or whatever?

Or maybe it would be better off if we pretended that actually was the case, as the page where various heroes are interviewed as to who they're voting for was just painful to read.

First, it's amazing how a simple coloring error can make Power Girl's costume look even trashier.

But back on topic, why is Dr. Light waving off the camera? She ought to be grateful for the attention. When the hell else is anyone ever going to care what she thinks about anything? (Although I do wonder whether any reporters in the DCU ever get confused and ask her why she raped Sue Dibney.)

Also, would Power Girl, of all people, really say, "He'll keep us safe"? Aside from being totally out of character, what exactly is a president going to keep her safe from in the DCU? Darkseid? Alien invasions? I guess we can only assume she's talking about al Qaeda, which I guess the JLA just hasn't found time to go after yet. It's really sad that the JLA and the Bush administration have approximately the same level of interest in that.

Honestly, there's enough sloppy writing in this issue where I could literally find something on almost every single page to complain about. But I've never found shooting fish in a barrel to be fun, so I'll just go back to Guy Gardner. If the entire miniseries has been about Guy and his political leanings, it would likely be a masterpiece of epic proportions.

But as it stands, DC Universe Decisions may well go down as one of the worst miniseries in the past several years. And considering DC's output of the past several years, that's really saying something. I mean, this is like...Countdown bad.

Is it too late to become a Marvel fan?