Truth in movie advertising

As far as irritations in life go, this one is admittedly pretty far down the list. But what's the point of having a blog if you can't complain about really insignificant shit?

I went to see Fracture last week. Good movie, though not nearly as good as the reviews claim. But the plot's interesting, Anthony Hopkins only sort of phones in his performance, and it has the chick from Die Another Day, so it kept me entertained.

So I'm watching the Bulls/Heat game yesterday, when a commercial for the film comes on. In it, there's this exchange between Hopkins and Ryan Gosling:

Hopkins: "Does it bother you that I call you Willy?"
Gosling: "Don't make me come across this table."
Hopkins (grins): "Willy."

Now, you see this, and you think, "Wow, Hopkins is going all Hannibal Lecter on his ass! I can't wait to see this great battle of wits! Just like in Silence of the Lambs!" Which, naturally, is why it's in the commercial.

Except that as anyone who's seen the movie knows, that scene never actually happens. The bit in the commercial is formed by taking two completely different scenes in two completely parts of the film, and splicing them into one.

In the first scene, when Hopkins asks, "Does it bother you that I call you Willy?", Gosling really couldn't care less. In the second scene, they're in the judge's chambers, and Hopkins throws Gosling a number of curve balls in the case he's prosecuting, at which point a frustrated Gosling threatens him. So the sequence in the commercial goes first scene, second scene, and back to the first scene.

This isn't a scene from the movie, and was in fact created by pasting two pictures together, but who cares? Doesn't it look cool? Doesn't it make you want to see the movie? Look out, Ryan Gosling!

Is this an especially big deal? No, not really. But doesn't it demonstrate something of a lack of faith in your product that you have to manipulate the film in order to fabricate a scene? This isn't the first time I've seen this, either. It's a fairly common practice that I've been noticing for years, though right now I'm blanking on any example other than Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. (Yes, I watched Charlie's Angels: Full Throttle. I like Bernie Mac. Shut up.)

It just seems artistically dishonest. More to the point, it's completely unnecessary. There are plenty of good scenes in Fracture they could have used without having to resort to this. Even if your movie is 90% crap, any idiot can make a good trailer or commercial. Out of a 90-120 minute film, all you need is two minutes or less. Show a few cool scenes that give an idea of what the movie is, throw in a voice-over, and you're home free.

Hell, even Battlefield Earth had a pretty good trailer. And if you can get a decent trailer out of that, you can get a decent trailer out of anything.

Comic of the Week: Justice Society of America #5

Justice Society of America #5
"The Lighting Saga" by Geoff Johns & Fernando Pasarin
published by DC Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

In the second part of the JLA/JSA crossover, the two teams split up and travel to Arkham Asylum and Superman's Fortress of Solitude to figure out why members of the Legion of Super-Heroes (members no longer in continuity, no less) are popping up in the present.

Comments:

Not being a Legion fan, I don't really get this story, I have no idea what's going on, but I'm still loving it. After the longest set-up in comic book history (which more than proved my assertion that Red Tornadio is comics' most boring character) Brad Meltzer's JLA is finally hitting all cylinders, and Johns continues putting out one of DC's best titles in JSA.

So apparently, DC is going with two versions of the Legion. The one that was wiped out in Zero Hour, and the one currently appearing in its own title. Does this screw up DC continuity even more than it already has been over the past couple of years? Yes. Does it continue Dan Didio's trend of shamelessly pandering to older fans at the risk of alienating newer ones? Absolutely. Does that mean two Legions are a bad thing? I don't know. I'll have to see how it plays out over the next few months. But I don't hate it right off the bat, and that in itself is a pretty good testament to the job Meltzer and Johns are doing.

Line of the Week:

"I had heard the Justice Society of America was now training new and troubled heroes--but I find it irresponsible to allow those that have yet to complete their training to participate in a team-up."--Geo-Force

Overall grade: B+

2007 NFL Draft

Pre-draft thoughts:

Even as recent as yesterday, it seemed as though there's no way this year's draft could be anywhere near as dramatic as last year's. No Houston stupidly passing on Reggie Bush for Mario Williams. No New Orleans smartly rejecting frantic offers for a chance to get him. No reaction shots of Matt Leinart, as he slowly realizes that not only will he not be a top five pick, he might well become that year's Aaron Rodgers. No Lendale White sitting in his living room, thinking that maybe all those Big Macs weren't such a good idea after all.

Yet, so far, this draft has been a pretty interesting, mostly due to Oakland not showing their hand. Will they take JaMarcus Russell? Calvin Johnson? Trade it away, and take Brady Quinn (bad, bad idea)?

And of specific concern to me, what will the Redskins do? Take Amobi Okoye? Trade it for Briggs? Trade down for additional draft picks? Trade it for some magic beans? With this team, there's no way of knowing. And that's a little scary.

Anyway, here I am, equipped with pizza, Red Stripe, and The Exterminators, Vol. 2 for when I get bored. I figure I'll do this until the Redskins pick. (Hopefully, they won't trade down to the 31st spot via a deal with the Bears.)

Draft Liveblog:

11:50 - Jesus Christ, during a moment meant to honor Virginia Tech, people are booing Bruce Smith and Michael Vick. It's long been alleged, but now it's confirmed: New York sports fans really are pieces of shit.

12:00 - Not loving the black and white opening, set in some pretend NFL team's war room. Between this, and last year's debacle with the top prospects strutting down a runway like fashion models, ESPN really needs rethink its approach to Draft Day coverage.

12:05 - Keyshawn Johnson? Really, ESPN?

12:13 - The ticker running at the bottom of the screen, listing key losses and additions for each NFL team, have claimed the Redskins' key loss was Adam Archuleta and the Jets' key loss was Patrick Ramsey. Sort of stretching the definition of both "key" and "loss," aren't they?

12:20 - The Raiders take Russell. Unquestionably, the right move. Oakland fans, who for the past couple of hours, have been taunted by ESPN analysts reporting the possibility of the Raiders trading down for Brady Quinn, breath a collective sigh of relief.

12:23 - This year, it would make sense for the Lions to take a receiver in Calvin Johnson. Which means this is the year they probably won't.

12:31 - Or I could be wrong. The streak continues, Lions fans are conflicted, and Matt Millen laughs himself silly, knowing he'll never, ever be fired.

12:40 - Along with the draft prospects, I wish they'd also have cameras on the NFL players whose jobs are in jeopardy. Who wouldn't want to see Charlie Fry right now, staring at the TV, sweating, and nervously biting his fingernails?

12:42 - We'd also get to see Charlie Fry let out a huge sigh of relief. The Browns take Joe Thomas. Brady Quinn seems a little bummed. His sorta hot girlfriend is probably just thinking, "Thank God, I don't have to live in Cleveland."

12:47 - There's speculation the Bucs might take Quinn. No fucking way. But if they're smart, they'll trade the pick to the Vikings or Dolphins.

12:54 - Bucs take Gaines Adams. It still won't help. Come January or February, Jon Gruden's looking for a new job. Will the Redskins be hiring?

1:03 - Cardinals take Levi Brown. Probably for the best. Edgerin James really needed some good news.

1:05 - Redskins are up. Do. Not. Fuck. This. Up.

1:07 - Thanks, Chris Berman. We know the Redskins only have one draft pick. You can stop rubbing it in. Ass.

1:17 - Redskins take LaRon Landry. I...uh...um...huh. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I mean, yes, a Taylor/Landry duo will be deadly. But all things being equal, I was hoping for Amobi Okoye. Or Lance Briggs, in a last minute deal. Time will tell, I guess. Still, props to the Redskins for not succumbing to the temptation to grab Adrian Peterson.

Well, it's been fun. I'm now retiring to the couch, where I'll watch the rest of the first round in a horizontal position. At some point, maybe I might even venture outside. Who knows? It's Draft Day! Anything can happen!

New police chief, same old asshole cops

Via DCRTV: a WJLA employee videotaped a drug bust in his neighborhood a few days ago. In an interview, the employee, Gary Lover (awesome name, by the way), describes how the cops came over, manhandled him, took his camera, cuffed him, and--oops!--discovered his station ID, at which point they released him and gave the camera back. Naturally, the tape was missing. When asked where it was, the cops assured him it was in there and quickly took off.

Cathy Lanier, the great white hope of the D.C. police department, seemed only slightly more troubled by two of her cops trampling over someone's First Amendment rights as she would be by two of her cops trampling over some dandelions in the park:

"I don't know what the issues were, if there were undercover officers involved and things like that, but it's still not the way to handle that."

Hey, no, shit, Cathy. And even if they were undercover cops, that's not exactly an excuse. If they'd gone over and explained the situation, I think most members of the media would be understanding and agree not to air the footage. And if for whatever reason they don't, too bad. If undercover cops don't want to be exposed, maybe making busts in a residential neighborhood in broad daylight isn't the brightest move.

In a perfect world, this would be a fireable offense. But I realize that's not going to happen. So how about this: assign the cops to crossing guard duty indefinitely.

I saw a police officer standing outside of an elementary school yesterday afternoon, trudging out into the crosswalk to help kids cross the street. Young guy, too, not someone who's been put out to pasture. He looked absolutely miserable. Full of the sort of misery that prompts profound reflection on the life choices that led one to this unfortunate point in one's life. Seems to me like that's what these guys need.

A·non·y·mous: lacking individuality, unique character, or distinction

"One of the first things that was brought to my attention was that Congress doesn't have to use FOIA," said a House staffer, 32, referring to Freedom of Information Act requests, an approach used by the public that can take months to yield a response. She spoke on the condition of anonymity because, she said, her questions were "embarrassing." (Washington Post)

Female, 32, House staffer, currently working in some sort of oversight role. Yeah, that could be anyone.

Now, I admit, the sum total of my journalistic experience comes from one class I took in high school, but this doesn't exactly seem like anonymity to me. In the very least, if Karl Rove can leak something that's misleading, if not a complete fabrication, and only be referred to as "a senior White House official," why does some House peon have everything but her social security number printed?

Imagine if Deep Throat had been subjected to this sort of shoddy reporting during Watergate. Bob Woodward must be rolling over in his grave right now.

Redskins draft week briefing

Draft Week Media Briefing: LIVE Webcast Today!

The NFL Draft is this Saturday, April 28, and as always, there's plenty of speculation and intrigue about what the Redskins will do with the sixth overall draft pick.

Today (Tuesday) at 4 p.m. ET, you can listen to team officials discuss plans for the NFL Draft! The Redskins will host their Draft Week Media Briefing, broadcast LIVE on Redskins.com.

Redskins owner Daniel M. Snyder, head coach Joe Gibbs and vice president of football operations Vinny Cerrato are scheduled to discuss the team's approach to the draft.

My first reaction: the Redskins have an approach to the draft?

My second reaction: this might be interesting to check out. Because as everyone knows, there's no place more entertaining in the world than when Dan Snyder, Joe Gibbs, and Vinny Cerrato are in a room together.

So, a few observations:

-- I like how Gibbs came right out and admitted that this press conference is basically just fluff. To wit: they don't have much information, and what little they do have they won't reveal. But people seem to dig these things, so what the hell? (He also threw in a somewhat snide comment about how the NFL is about to make these pre-draft press conferences mandatory, anyway. Oh, NFL. You won't be happy until you get attention 24/7, will you?)

-- Gibbs revealed how the Redskins evaluate potential draft picks, giving each one a "Redskins grade." What makes the Redskins' evaluation system any different than that of every other team in the NFL? Not a damn thing, from the sound of things. Except that I guess the other teams don't give their prospects a Redskins grade. Or if they do, it isn't meant as a compliment. As in, "Well, he's not good enough to play for us. But he'd probably have a Redskins grade of B+."

-- Gibbs just said that the Redskins hope to have all their draft picks next year. Amazingly, no one in the room laughed.

-- Dan Snyder shuns the media and fans who he correctly suspects hate him, so you don't get to hear him speak very often. I'm always surprised that he actually has a really nice voice. For whatever reason, I keep expecting him to sound like one of the munchkins from The Wizard of Oz.

-- Gibbs says that the chances of the team "falling in love" with a player and drafting him against all logic are low, but refused to completely discount the possibility. Why do I have this sinking feeling that Brady Quinn is going to be our quarterback after this weekend?

-- Heh. One of the sponsors for this event is a company called "Siemens," which I've never heard of, but a quick Wikipedia search reveals is a tech company founded in 1847. Talk about a place in need of serious rebranding.

-- Gibbs just wondered aloud where on the team even a really skilled player could come in, take over a position from the Redskin who already has it, and do a better job. Again, the media showed impressive restraint by treating it as a rhetorical question, and not shouting out suggestions.

-- Aw. As he was walking away at the end of the press conference, Snyder gave Gibbs an affectionate pat on the shoulder. Good for you, Dan. Now if you could just give every fan an affectionate pat also (or better yet: hugs!), your image might just improve a bit.

TMZDC

TMZ.com reaped plenty of publicity when word leaked last month that the Tinseltown Web site was setting up a new site devoted to the behind-the-scenes foibles of the nation's capital. But the effort is sputtering and may never get off the ground. (Washington Post)

I don't know why anyone thought a D.C. version of a Hollywood gossip site would be a good idea in the first place, so this doesn't really come as a shock. There just isn't enough fodder here to sustain it.

I mean, let's check out what's in today's Reliable Source: some local chick is on The Bachelor. The head of PR for Bloomberg thwarted a limit on carry on bags. Yet another sighting of Sheryl Crow and Laurie David. (And seriously, Sheryl, one square of toilet paper? That's something the Taliban would suggest.) Finally, that guy who isn't Bob Woodward is writing a Hillary bio.

Over at Yeas & Nays, a congresswoman and her chief of staff are expecting babies at the same time, Mrs. Fenty knows how to dress, and a fashion designer I've never heard of digs Ugly Betty.

Finally, Shenanigans spends an awful lot of time discussing some kid who was at the Correspondents Dinner, who has a show on the Disney Channel.

And bear in mind, these are just small parts of larger operations; The Washington Post, the Examiner, and The Politico, respectively. So it's not surprising that it was determined that there isn't enough quality D.C. gossip to sustain an entire website.

The article also suggests another reason:

One person approached about employment, who asked not to be identified because the conversations were confidential, said TMZ executives do not understand that people in Washington are far less likely than those in L.A. to sell gossip items for $100 or so.

This may be true, but it has nothing to do with people in Washington needing money any less than those in L.A. After all, for your average Hill staffer, $100 is roughly half of their annual salary. It's just that people in Washington are usually smart enough to know that if you have dirt on someone, you're better off using it to blackmail them for career advancement than sell it for a pittance to some website.

Still, if TMZ does decide to go forward with a D.C. site, forget about those $100 fees. Instead, put that money towards bar tabs. Take even the lowest level Hill staffer out, pour some vodka into him, and you're guaranteed to come away with something you can use.

Hell, think of it as a public service. God only knows how many perverts like Mark Foley are still in office, or how many Watergate-level scandals have gone unreported, because the media around here is pursuing "traditional journalism" instead of out getting staffers drunk. Why, if the Post spent as much on alcohol as they do redesigning their website every six months, they'd bring down the Bush administration inside of a week.

24: 12 A.M.-1 A.M.

Thoughts:

-- Heroes is really kicking 24's ass this season. Just thought I'd throw that out there. It's a good thing I have a DVR, or Jack might be on this own right about now.

-- After initially thinking he was a good fit for the show, I'm sort of over Ricky Schroeder. I was hoping one of the cars would hit him. And after years of movies and TV shows where federal agents commandeer vehicles, I'm still waiting for panicked motorist to pull out a gun and shoot him. It's too bad Law & Order is close to being canceled, because that would make a great episode.

-- "Tell them the acting president's a dirty old man." That's awesome. We need Daniels back next season. Die, Wayne, die!

-- I'm not buying this whole thing between Karen and the DOJ guy. Before 9/11, we had all sorts of evidence an attack was imminent, and when Americans found out about it afterwards, there was just a collective shrug. So now we're supposed to believe that because Bill and/or Karen released Fayed several years ago before he was a threat, someone needs to go down for it? Please.

-- Damn, that was cold, Karen. Couldn't you have at least waited until you knew whether or not Wayne was going to pull through before putting him before your husband?

-- Audrey doesn't seem to have handled captivity and torture quite as well as Jack did. Congrats, Jack. You just threw your life away for a crazy chick.

Jack's confirmed kills: 2 (23 for the season)

Jack's Words of Wisdom: "I had this handled. Why the hell didn't you listen to me?"

Overall grade: B

Coveting Calvin

Some NFL executives expect the Redskins to go down to the last minute Saturday before making a trade or selecting a player, as their odds of completing a swap would be boosted if some of the top available talent slips beyond the top five selections. Washington has been exploring ways to move up in the first round as well, with wide receiver Calvin Johnson coveted by many in the organization, including owner Daniel Snyder. (Washington Post)

On one hand, it's encouraging that the Redskins are starting to realize that you're supposed to use draft picks to get younger players, not trade them away for older ones.

On the other, whenever I hear that Dan Snyder "covets" someone, I feel a chill go down my spine. Because when Snyder covets someone or something, he's liable to do something really, really stupid. Maybe not "Let's get Jeff George," stupid, but still pretty fucking stupid.

If I were a Redskin and looking to buy a new home, I'd hold off until Sunday.

Comic of the Week: World War III #1-4

World War III #1-4
by Keith Champagne, John Ostrander, Pat Olliffe, Andy Smith, Tom Derenick, & Jack Jadson
Published by DC Comics ($2.50)

Synopsis:

Black Adam goes on a rampage, Martian Manhunter goes emo, and the Monitors go shilling for DC, ominously letting us know in an epilogue that the crossover event that just won't end, isn't over yet.

Comments:

Obviously, I'm breaking format a bit this week and doing four comics instead of one, but it's a special occasion. Or at least, it could have been. Instead, it's just a special mess.

A year ago, DC had a really good idea: jump all their titles ahead a year, and in 52, a weekly series, fill in the gap of what happened in that missing year. To really hook in readers, they threw in a bunch of mysteries that would be explained during the course of the series. Why was Jason Todd running around as Nightwing? What happened to Professor Stein? How did Hawkgirl get back to her original size?

But as 52 progressed, the writers behind it sort of got consumed with their other storylines, and more or less neglected all the stuff they'd promised to resolve. Hence World War III, a four-issue mini-series that would take care of all those loose threads. And in an innovative twist, all four issues would be released on the same day, instead of weekly or monthly, as is usually the case with these things.

So far, so good. And done correctly, WWIII could have been a great way to cap off 52, and lead into Countdown, DC's next weekly series.

Unfortunately, WWIII wasn't well done. Not even close.

Most of the series features Black Adam going on a rampage across the planet, and various superheroes trying to stop him. Interspersed, are scenes of the Martian Manhunter rediscovering himself, or some such shit, before joining in the fight. At no point does the series become interesting, and at no point do you feel as though you haven't wasted the ten bucks you spent on it. Other than greed, there was absolutely no reason to stretch this thing out to four issues. At most, it should have been a 48-page one-shot.

To add insult to injury, the exact same story is told in this week's 52, albeit compressed and without all the filler.

When a comic book company promotes an "event" mini-series like this, there's an implied promise that it's somehow integral to understanding what's going on in the fictional universe. A four-issue extended fight scene, where the only consequence of note is Terra getting a hole punched in her chest, really doesn't qualify.

Line of the Week:

"I do not enjoy the deaths of children. Nonetheless, cross my path again and perhaps I will find a taste for it."--Black Adam

Overall grade: D+

Get to Know Your Ward 7 Candidates Week! (Day 4)

Disclaimer: The views expressed below are my own, but I'm a smart guy, so they really should be yours, too. These views were formed, not through extensive research or contacting the individual campaigns for information, but by reading the candidates' websites and/or doing the most cursory of Google searches.

I am not a resident of Ward 7, but as someone who took two minutes to set up a free blog a year ago, I feel it is my right to pontificate about the election as if I were.

Any candidate who feels I've wrongly represented them is encouraged to respond in the comments section or via email (dcublog@gmail.com). Any candidate who wishes to curry favorable coverage is encouraged to bribe me with money and/or the promise of political favors once you're in office.

Dorothy Douglas
Retired from city corrections
Website

Campaign slogan: "A woman who sincerely cares from the heart"

Pros: Longtime Ward 7 resident; impressive community service record.

Cons: While she touches on several issues, there's nothing especially new in terms of ideas or solutions.

Things that make you go WTF?: The motion-sickness inducing slide show.

DCU rating: 7 out of 10. She has the experience, and I kind of like the idea of a grandmother with children and grandchildren living in the city being on the city council.




Emily Y. Washington
Educator
Website

Campaign slogan: "Keep Ward 7 Moving Forward!"

Pros: Longtime Ward 7 resident; worked with city council on various matters.

Cons: What little discussion of issues there is, is virtually indistinguishable from every other candidate's.

Biggest eye-roller: "EDUCATION + HOUSING + HEALTH + SAFE STREETS + ECONOMIC DEVELOPMENT= VIBRANT COMMUNITIES"

DCU rating: 6 out of 10. I'm not wild about her, but with education being such an important issue, having a teacher on the council wouldn't be a bad thing.




Eddie Rhodes
Assistant community coordinator
Website

Campaign slogan: "All Rhodes Lead To Ward 7"

Pros: Experience; offers up ideas the other candidates haven't; only candidate thus far to bring up that bullshit raise the city council gave themselves.

Cons: The website's a bit of a mess. There's a great deal of good stuff, but it could be organized a lot better. Not to mention, um, spell-checked.

Biggest eye-roller: The slogan. Never trust politicians who pun.

DCU rating: 8 out of 10. If some of the other candidates had put even half as much thought into their campaign as Rhodes apparently has, the field would be a lot better.




James Jennings
Police captain in Department of Mental Health
No website

Campaign slogan: n/a

Pros: Willing to donate half his council salary to conduct crime studies.

Cons: That's pretty much all I was able to find on him.

Things that make you go WTF?: A police captain running for office in a city with a historically big crime problem? He should be a major force. So why is the campaign barely making a whisper?

DCU rating: 3 out of 10. I want to like the guy. But he's making it hard.




Marcus Skelton
Security systems specialist
Website

Campaign slogan: None.

Pros: Detailed platform; great website; youthful enthusiasm.

Cons: Youthful inexperience; he's a Republican.

Things that make you go WTF?: Setting aside my natural distrust of anyone under the age of 30 who's a Republican, there's nothing in his platform that reflects his party affiliation. Is he hiding his real views, or is he just a bad conservative?

DCU rating: 6 out of 10. Even if he is a Republican, he has some good ideas. Bears watching if elected, though, just to make sure he doesn't get try to get any cute legislation passed.

Great vengeance and furious herpes

For whatever reason, whenever you wish cancer or AIDS on someone, no matter how much they might actually deserve it, people are guaranteed to freak out and say what a horrible human being you are, and how if you knew what cancer or AIDS does, you would never wish such a thing. So out of deference to them, I won't.

Instead...God? Are you there? If so, please, please, I'm begging you, give John Derbyshire and Nathaniel Blake herpes.

Not just a mild case, either. I don't mean a couple of cold sores or a mild outbreak during times of stress. Nothing that can be helped by Valtrex. I'm asking for full blown, 24/7, 365 days a year, angry, oozing monster herpes.

You know that scene in Grindhouse where Quentin Tarantino is about to rape Rose McGowan and his penis starts to melt off? I know that's not exactly what herpes is, but that's more or less the effect I'm after.

Surely, that's not asking too much, God.

But if inflicting vicious STDs isn't your thing, how about poetic justice? I've read the Bible, so I know you're into that. How about if Derbyshire and Blake find themselves in a situation similar to the one where they boasted about what real men they'd be? Bank robbery, armed attack, it doesn't matter. But there's a lot of shooting, and (having decided not to rush the gunman, as they claim the Virginia Tech students should have done) while the two of them are hiding under cover, sobbing, pissing themselves, and praying to you to save them, the gunman makes his way over to them and...well, I'll leave the rest up to you.

The point is, these are two utterly detestable human beings. In a way, they're even worse than Cho Seung Hui. At least he had serious mental problems. What's Derbyshire's and Blake's excuse? They're just a couple of assholes who made a conscious decision to prop themselves up by denigrating the victims of this week's shootings. Even if they're being totally honest and these aren't just tough guy fantasies they enjoy while masturbating, they were under no obligation to actually publish their thoughts. Simple decency sometimes requires a filter.

Seriously God, think about it, will you please? And remember, not just herpes, monster herpes.

Get to Know Your Ward 7 Candidates Week! (Day 3)

Disclaimer: The views expressed below are my own, but I'm a smart guy, so they really should be yours, too. These views were formed, not through extensive research or contacting the individual campaigns for information, but by reading the candidates' websites and/or doing the most cursory of Google searches.

I am not a resident of Ward 7, but as someone who took two minutes to set up a free blog a year ago, I feel it is my right to pontificate about the election as if I were.

Any candidate who feels I've wrongly represented them is encouraged to respond in the comments section or via email (dcublog@gmail.com). Any candidate who wishes to curry favorable coverage is encouraged to bribe me with money and/or the promise of political favors once you're in office.

Jimmy Johnson
Investigator
No website

Campaign slogan: n/a

Pros: Uh...name recognition? Hey, it worked in The Distinguished Gentleman.

Cons: Name recognition. That's not a name that's likely to engender much love in this city.

Things that make you got WTF?: I know nothing about Jimmy Johnson, Ward 7 candidate, so here's a WTF? about Jimmy Johnson, former Cowboys coach and current Fox analyst: how does he get his hair like that?

DCU rating: 1 out of 10.




Cleve Mesidor
Communications strategist
Website

Campaign slogan: "Dynamic Leadership for Ward Seven"

Pros: Great credentials; decent website; total hottie.

Cons: Her platform seems a bit light.

Biggest eye-roller: "Ward Seven is truly a gem and its residents are its promise."

DCU rating: 8 out of 10. She seems passionate and I like the fact that she's already successful, which hopefully means she's attracted more to the idea of public service than the perks and salary of being a council member. But it would be nice to see her elaborate on her platform a bit.




Iris Toyer
Chair, Parents United for D.C. Schools
Website

Campaign slogan: "Vote Results Not Promises"

Pros: Longtime roots in the community

Cons: Apparently has no thoughts whatsoever on economic growth or public safety, as the links to those issues were never activated on her website.

Biggest eye-roller: "Below is a small collection of her achievements; we retrieved them from Google. You should give all of the candidates a Google test."

DCU rating: 4 out of 10. Of course, if her website is any indication, she has the appropriate level of apathy to serve on the city council, so she'd probably fit right in.




Sam Jordan
Executive director of Healthcare Now
Website

Campaign slogan: "Take Charge. Make 7 Count!"

Pros: Strong on environmental and labor issues; long history of community service.

Cons: Website seems a bit light on substantive ideas.

Biggest eye-roller: Weekly picketing of a Vietnamese restaurant for discriminatory hiring practices? Overkill maybe?

DCU rating: 8 out of 10. I would have liked to see a little more in terms of specific initiatives, but on the whole, Jordan seems like he'd make a good addition to the council.




Johnnie Scott Rice
Retired council aide
Website

Campaign slogan: "Rice 2007"

Pros: History of community service.

Cons: Her website is nothing more than a brief biography, information about Ward 7, and a collection of links to city agencies and resources. Astonishingly, even with a relatively large site, she manages to avoid discussing or even mentioning a single issue.

Things that make you go WTF?: Rice has an exploratory committee. Did all of them look at this website and go, "Hey, cool! Links!"?

DCU rating: 3 out of 10. God only knows where she stands on the issues. You know on Let's Make a Deal , when Monty Hall would make the contestant choose between the dining room set and whatever was behind door number three? Rice is door number three. Open her up, and maybe you'd find a great council member, but you're more likely to find a giant shoe or fifty pounds of cabbage or something.

Get to Know Your Ward 7 Candidates Week! (Day 2)

Disclaimer: The views expressed below are my own, but I'm a smart guy, so they really should be yours, too. These views were formed, not through extensive research or contacting the individual campaigns for information, but by reading the candidates' websites and/or doing the most cursory of Google searches.

I am not a resident of Ward 7, but as someone who took two minutes to set up a free blog a year ago, I feel it is my right to pontificate about the election as if I were.

Any candidate who feels I've wrongly represented them is encouraged to respond in the comments section or via email (dcublog@gmail.com). Any candidate who wishes to curry favorable coverage is encouraged to bribe me with money and/or the promise of political favors once you're in office.

Victor Vandell
Analytical chemist
Website

Campaign slogan : "A Bright New Vision for Ward 7's Future"

Pros: I've always thought alliterative names are cool.

Cons: Horrible website; alleged carpetbagger; entirety of platform seems to consist of two "innovative ideas," four "creative solutions," and some stuff about putting "people first."

Things that make you go WTF?: Fenty lackey and noted jackass Sinclair Skinner is apparently running the campaign.

DCU rating: 4 out of 10. Hey, have you heard that Vandell and Fenty are BFF? Because Vandell really, really wants you to know that. If you want proof, he has a few hundred photos of the two of them together. So if you love Fenty's proposals, Vandell's probably about as close to a rubber stamp as you're going to get.




Roscoe Grant
Restaurant owner
Website

Campaign slogan: "Proven and Tested Leadership That Works"

Pros: Experience; commitment to development; steely gaze.

Cons: Letter to voters is light on issues and even lighter on solutions.

Things that make you go WTF?: Why go through the hassle of buying a domain name, yet use an AOL email address?

DCU rating: 5 out of 10. But that's mostly just because of his really intimidating stare.




Christine M. Tolson
Retired personnel employee
No website

Campaign slogan: n/a

Pros: She's retired, so she's probably had a lot of time to think about what she'll do as a council member.

Cons: She doesn't seem to have taken advantage of that free time to do any sort of campaigning.

Things that make you go WTF?: Everything about her "campaign."

DCU rating: 1 out of 10. Go ahead and vote for her if you want, but first, make sure she actually exists.




Kirk Adair
Professional Student; civic activist
Website

Campaign slogan: "What our (sic) you gonna do about it?"

Pros: Daring taste in ties; either possesses a (very) rudimentary knowledge of HTML, or knows someone who does.

Cons: Just look at his website.

Biggest eye-roller: "I will address the issue of TEEN PREGNANCY."

DCU rating: 5 out of 10. I'm going to surprise you and still endorse him, though. Why? For the same reason I supported Michael Brown in the mayoral race: entertainment value, baby.




Julie Rones
Lawyer
Website

Campaign slogan: None

Pros: If you're a senior, Rones wants to make it easier for you to keep driving.

Cons: Wait, why are we making it easier for seniors to keep driving?

Things that make you go WTF?: No candidate's website should be hosted by Go Daddy. Or if it is, in the very least, make sure the logo doesn't appear.

DCU rating: 5 out of 10. If you're a senior who really wants to drive, she's your candidate. If, like myself, you live in mortal fear of octogenarians behind the wheel, look elsewhere.

24: 11 P.M.-12 A.M.

Thoughts:

--Did Chloe roll her eyes when Jack told her Audrey was alive? It sort of looked like it. Could this be the return of the old Chloe? Let's hope so. The new warm, fuzzy one isn't very much fun to watch.

--For all his talents, Jack really isn't a good liar. It's a good thing he encountered the two stupidest guards on the planet, otherwise that never would have worked.

--So Wayne is willing to risk an international incident and possibly World War 3 so Jack could get his girlfriend back? You know, the vice president doesn't look quite so bad all of a sudden.

--Ha! I knew the VP was tapping that. So he may be out of a job, but at least he's leaving with a pretty nice consolation prize.

--Or...maybe he's not out of a job after all. What's more, he's actually the only one on the show who's making sense.

Jack's confirmed kills: 0 (21 for the season)

Jack's Words of Wisdom: "Are you countermanding a presidential order? How dare you, Sargent."

Overall grade: B

Get to Know Your Ward 7 Candidates Week! (Day 1)

Disclaimer: The views expressed below are my own, but I'm a smart guy, so they really should be yours, too. These views were formed, not through extensive research or contacting the individual campaigns for information, but by reading the candidates' websites and/or doing the most cursory of Google searches.

I am not a resident of Ward 7, but as someone who took two minutes to set up a free blog a year ago, I feel it is my right to pontificate about the election as if I were.

Any candidate who feels I've wrongly represented them is encouraged to respond in the comments section or via email (dcublog@gmail.com). Any candidate who wishes to curry favorable coverage is encouraged to bribe me with money and/or the promise of political favors once you're in office.



Mark Long
Education consultant
Website

Campaign slogan: "Let's restore the magic"

Pros: Grew up in Ward 7; significant volunteer work; dreamy smile.

Cons: He apparently spent so much time on his biography and donation pages, he forgot to include anything regarding where he stands on the issues.

Biggest eye-roller: "Wanting to make a real difference and provide hope to youths and their families, Mark rolled up his sleeves and chose to serve the community quietly through volunteerism."

DCU rating: 5 out of 10. Maybe he has actual opinions and ideas about what he'd do as a city councilman, but you'd never know it from his website. The only thing you can really discern is that Mark Long thinks Mark Long is a pretty swell guy.

Yvette Alexander
Former city insurance regulator
Website

Campaign slogan: "Making Ward 7 One"

Pros: Impressive community service record; endorsements of Kwame Brown, Vincent Gray, and--Wow!--the Mid-Atlantic Regional Council of Carpenters.

Cons: Seems to be deeply entrenched in the Democratic Party establishment.

Biggest eye-roller: "As the former Chair of Ward 7 Democrats', Voter Education and Registration, a current member of the Ward 7 Democrats, the DC Democratic State Committee (DCDSC) elected Ward 7 Representative, Penn Branch Citizens Civic Association, Friends of the Francis Gregory Library, Advisory Board Member of the Hillcrest Recreation Center, and Board Member, Southeast Tennis and Education Council, Yvette is committed to advocating for a better way of life for all Ward 7 residents."

DCU rating: 6 out of 10. Aside from health care, she doesn't offer up anything particularly new or interesting in terms of ideas. Also, given the utter ineffectiveness of the city council, the fact that two of its members have endorsed her should raise a few red flags.

D.L. Humphrey
Former visibility coordinator for mayoral campaign of Adrian M. Fenty
No website

Campaign slogan: n/a

Pros: Has a pulse?

Cons: Only 26; no website; no apparent interest in campaigning.

Things that make you go WTF?: How does a 26 year-old running for public office in 2007 not have a website? A MySpace page? A blog? A Twitter account? Anything? Dude, you should be running circles around the old folks when it comes to online campaigning. I know that fat city council paycheck is nice and all, but you can't expect voters to just hand it to you on a silver platter. You have to put in a little effort.

DCU rating: 2 out of 10. To say he's running a half-assed campaign is an insult to half-assed campaigns, and the sum total of his political experience seems to be his job as Fenty's "visibility coordinator" (which sounds an awful lot like "intern" to me).




Mona Odom
Entrepreneur
No website

Campaign slogan: n/a

Pros: Maybe she'd be a better council member than a council candidate?

Cons: That's not saying a hell of a lot.

Things that make you go WTF?: When the Examiner asked her why she didn't file disclosure reports by the January 31 deadline, her response was, "I'm just in the midst of doing something else."

DCU rating: 1 out of 10. On election day, you should also be in the midst of doing something else...like voting for a better candidate. Oh, yeah! Zing!

Greg Rhett
Former public health analyst
Website

Campaign slogan: "Public Service With Proven Leadership"

Pros: Excellent website; detailed and ambitious platform; has extensive government and military experience.

Cons: Er...that small gap between his teeth? I don't know. There isn't much to criticize.

Biggest eye-roller: "My second promise is to never forget that the Ward 7 Council office belongs to YOU and that YOU put me and my staff there to serve YOU!"

DCU rating: 9 out of 10. Other than a minor abuse of the caps lock key, he seems like the real deal.

Blogroll

I've been meaning to put up a blogroll for a while now. Mostly because it's just something I wanted to do, but also because there are blogs that link to me, and it's always felt sort of dickish not to return the favor. But HTML gives me hives, so I kept putting it off. Having finally made the full switch over to the new Blogger this weekend, though, that's no longer an issue.

This is going to be an ongoing process over the next few days. I've started adding blogs based on who I know links to me, as well as blogs I enjoy. If I missed you or if you'd like to be added, just email me at dcublog@gmail.com.

Dance, Ward 7 candidates! Dance!

Nearly every candidate has eaten there, and a half-dozen are fixtures, owner Raphael Ehilen said. They arrive at breakfast, lunch and dinner and move from table to table to talk about development, crime and constituent services, interrupting customers as they scarf down their food.
...
On another day, candidate Julie E. Rones, a 50-year-old lawyer, went from table to table, but with less luck. The restaurant isn't far from Prince George's County, and Marylanders like to eat biscuits and gravy, too. "I'm from Maryland," she heard quite a few times.

She finally ran into a Ward 7 resident, a man wearing a baseball cap. "Are you a believer?" he asked her.

He urged her to pray. Right then and there, they bowed their heads while he said a prayer. (Washington Post)

Hanging out at Denny's all day? Demonstrations of piety on demand? People are willing to do an awful lot of demeaning shit for a $140,000 a year job.

There are an astonishing twenty candidates running for Vincent Gray's open seat. You have to figure that at best, only half of them are actually qualified for the job, and even that's probably an overestimation. The rest are just a combination of egotists, attention-seekers, and psychotics. So why isn't this race getting as much local attention as that special gubernatorial election in California, where all their freaks and weirdos ran? Is it because--to the best of my knowledge, anyway--we don't have a porn star or former child actor in the race?

Well, if the so-called "Mainstream Media" won't cover it, I'll step up. Starting next week, right here on The D.C. Universe: Get to know your Ward 7 candidates!

I have no idea how much information there is, but I'm going to find it. And if I can't find it, I'll make it up. And if any Ward 7 candidates want to send in information or anonymously slander their opponents, I'll print that, too. Why? Because around here, traditional journalistic ethics and rules are viewed with suspicion and distaste. Hooray new media!

Marching towards futility

District leaders hung a large red banner outside city hall yesterday advertising a march for D.C. voting rights and said they were working to turn out thousands of residents for the event Monday.

Standing on the steps of the John A. Wilson Building, Mayor Adrian M. Fenty (D) and voting rights activists laid out details: Activities will begin with a rally outside the Wilson Building at 2:30 p.m., followed by the march down Pennsylvania Avenue to the Capitol at 3 p.m., and then remarks by several local and national politicians outside the Capitol at 4 p.m.

"This is the first march in 10 years for D.C. voting rights," Fenty said. "I think residents have a sense of urgency, and their patience has worn thin." (Washington Post)

Pop quiz: upon seeing the "thousands" of marchers outside the Capitol, members of Congress will have which of the following reactions?

A) "Good lord, look at them. Maybe...maybe they do deserve representation. Scratch that, there's no maybe about it. By God, let's get this done. Someone get the majority leader on the phone!"

or

B) "Could someone please close the blinds? There seems to be a large number of black people gathered outside. Say, does this have anything to do with that Imus thing?"

Mayor Fenty, if you really want to make a statement, forget banners and marches and appeals to common sense. Instead, like any good politician, go for sensationalism. Announce that until the city has voting rights in Congress, you, as a District resident, won't be paying any federal income tax. No representation, no taxation. Simple as that.

Now, you strike me as the kind of Type A guy who sends in his tax return by the end of January at the very latest. Fine. No problem. We'll just shoot for 2008. That actually works better, since now you'll get an entire year of publicity out of this.

Everywhere you go, every speech you give, remind people that the mayor of the nation's capital is refusing to pay taxes until he has the same congressional representation as every other American. Don't worry about going to jail, either. Not only would it be a horrendous PR move for the government to prosecute you, but Marion Barry has pretty much proven that paying your taxes is optional in this city.

So it's up to you. Do you want a one-day story on the front page of the Metro section that will quickly be forgotten and make no impression whatsoever on Congress, or do you want to actually accomplish something?

Hail to the NFL scheduling committee

On Wednesday at 1 p.m. Eastern, everything about the 2007 NFL schedule will be revealed. The schedule release day is becoming more and more like an unofficial holiday every spring. ESPN and The NFL Network each have two-hour specials. (ESPN)

Good God, even I wouldn't watch a two-hour special revealing the new NFL schedule. You'd have to be an incredibly big loser to plan your day around watching something like this in the middle of the off-season.

On a completely unrelated note, the NFL draft is in just a couple of weeks! I plan on being in front of the TV all Saturday, and at least part of Sunday. I may even buy a new jersey to wear while I watch. I can't wait!

Anyway, here's the Redskins' schedule.

Sept. 9 Miami
Sept. 17 @Philadelphia (Monday night game)
Sept. 23 N.Y. Giants
BYE
Oct. 7 Detroit
Oct. 14 @Green Bay
Oct.21 Arizona
Oct.28 @New England

Nov. 4 @N.Y. Jets
Nov. 11 Philadelphia
Nov. 18 @Dallas
Nov. 25 @Tampa Bay
Dec. 2 Buffalo
Dec.6 Chicago (Thursday night game)
Dec.16 @N.Y. Giants
Dec.23 @Minnesota
Dec.30 Dallas

By my count, there are six relatively easy wins on the schedule: Miami, Detroit, Green Bay, Arizona, Tampa Bay, and Minnesota. (Though after the way the Skins played last season, it wouldn't surprise me if, at this moment, bloggers in those cities are listing Washington among their should-wins.)

If the Redskins can win those, as well as just half of their division games--and if they can't, they have no business calling themselves contenders--that takes them to nine victories. Which means they probably just need one or two wins among their remaining seven games to get into the playoffs. Which, at this point, is the best we can realistically hope for.

God bless you, NFL scheduling committee. I don't know if you were feeling merciful or if Snyder finally got frustrated and just slipped you a big envelope full of cash, but you came through for us.

Building a better mouse trap...out of FEAR

I don't know if mice read blogs. I suspect they don't, otherwise someone probably would have discovered it by now, and it would have been a big deal. But if they do, I'd like them to pay really close attention to this post.

Mice: after over a year of peace, you have once again made unauthorized incursions into my home. As a friendly FYI, I would submit to you that this is a really big mistake, as several of your brethren found out last year to their horror.

I'm also not sure whether or not mice keep up with current events. If so, I would liken you coming into my apartment to Americans deciding to take a casual stroll around downtown Baghdad. How about movies? Do mice watch movies? Think of my apartment as Camp Crystal Lake. You're the camp counselors, and I'm the guy in the hockey mask. Only instead of explosives or a machete, my weapon of choice is far less merciful.

From PETA's website, in an article charmingly titled "Pans of Pain":

What Is a Glue Trap?

A glue trap consists of a piece of cardboard, fiberboard, or plastic that is coated with a sticky adhesive. The pest control industry also refers to the traps as "glue trays" or "glue boards." Sticky traps are designed for indoor use because they can become clogged with leaves and other loose material when placed outside. The makers of these devices generally state that trapped animals should be thrown away with the trap—leaving animals to suffer for days.

Inhumane to Animals, Dangerous for Humans

A regulatory impact statement released by the Australian government cited a study that concluded that glue traps should be banned "because of the enormous distress that these traps cause, even if the trapped animals are found after just a few hours and then humanely dispatched."(1) One New York City pest control manager said that he had even seen rats chew off their own feet to escape from the traps.

See, that was supposed to shock and horrify me, but all it did was make me giggle. "Enormous distress"? Hee!

I don't belong to PETA. I don't like PETA. Animals are for food and clothing and pets, and how they end up that way isn't my concern. If straight men could wear fur, I would do so. If I could afford it, I would eat fois gras every night. And if they made glue traps big enough to catch PETA members, I'd litter the streets with them.

So believe me when I say that I don't care about your suffering. Mouse goes on trap, trap goes in trash, trash goes in dumpster, mouse dies slow, gruesome death, I don't lose a bit of sleep.

Consider this your warning shot. There are a few hundred other people in my building. Maybe some of them believe in some sort of Gandhi-esque philosophy of non-violence towards rodents. Or in the very least, only use those traps that are quick and painless, instantly breaking your little necks. Seek them out, and leave me alone. All that awaits you here is death. Slow, agonizing, sticky death.

24: 10 P.M.-11 P.M.

Thoughts:

--Wow, Wayne was totally bluffing! Who saw that coming? Oh, yeah, me, thanks to last week's promo completely telegraphing what was going to happen.

--I can see why West Point students who watch 24 are supposedly confused about whether or not torture is cool. Because Jack beating the shit out of Fayed does indeed look pretty damn cool.

--The whole attack was a ruse! I love it! Just when I was all incredulous that the terrorists didn't bother finishing Jack and Mike off. Definitely one of the better twists this season.

--Damn, when the hell did Milo become the insanely jealous boyfriend? Seriously, don't these people have to undergo any sort of psych exam before getting their security clearance?

--Hanging on to the undercarriage of a vehicle. Well, I guess the show found one action movie cliche they hadn't done yet.

--When Jack broke that guy's neck, I felt a tear in my eye. It was a small one. But it was there.

--Holy fuck! Best last five minutes of any show ever! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bite! Headbutt! Wrench swing! Chain block! Hanging! Audrey! The Chinese! Awesome.

Jack's confirmed kills: 7 (21 for the season)

Jack's Words of Wisdom: "Say hello to your brother."

Overall grade: A+

D.C. myth #8,632: This is a baseball town

Hey, look, Arizona Diamondbacks first baseman Conor Jackson is taking a stroll around RFK a few hours before yesterday's game. How odd. Some sort of pregame ritual perhaps? Or...hmm? What's that?

This is from during the game? From when he scored in the first inning? Wow. That's a lot of empty seats. Especially for a Sunday game, less than one week into the season.

It was cold yesterday, but it wasn't that cold. Sack up, Nats fans.

Comic of the Week: Detective Comics #831

Detective Comics #831
"Kind of Like Family" by Paul Dini & Don Kramer
Published by DC Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

After being turned down for parole again, Harley Quinn finds herself kidnapped by the new Ventriloquist, who needs her to help out on a job. Harley has other ideas, though, and if you enjoy the occasional heart-to-heart conversation between Batman and his villains as much as I do, this issue provides an especially nice one.

Comments:

In a perfect world, Paul Dini would write every comic that DC puts out. This would probably involve chaining him to his computer, pumping him full of amphetamines, and maybe holding his family hostage so as to provide the needed motivation, but I think it would work.

This would be hard to pull off, though, so I'd be happy if he just wrote every Batman book DC publishes. Unfortunately, that, also, might be asking too much. So I guess I'll have to be content with his incredible work on Detective for as long as it lasts.

Aside from telling another fantastic story (there are plenty of writers in the business who should be forced to study Dini's run on this book in order to learn how to tell effective one-issue stories, instead of making everything a multi-issue epic), he manages to take two characters I've never especially cared about, and make them really interesting.

First, he does more with the original Ventriloquist in a one-page flashback than other writers have done in dozens of issues over the years. It makes me wonder how many other lame Bat-villains could be redeemed if writers would actually bother giving them personalities instead of simply letting their costume/powers/name define them.

Second, he does a great job with Harley Quinn, which isn't surprising, since she's his creation. I've never been a big fan of the character, and her short-lived series a few years back seemed like an ill-conceived attempt by DC to cash in on a popular character, regardless of how inappropriate she was for an on-going series. But taken in small does, especially when written by Dini, I could grow to like her.

Line of the Week:

"You probably wanna call the Batguy, too, as it could get messy. Plus I could use a ride back to the coo-coo house."--Harley Quinn

Overall grade: A

Grindhouse

I have no idea whether or not a movie trailer can be smug, but if so, the one for Grindhouse kind of struck me as such. At best, it dared you not to see the movie. At worst, it seemed to say, "Hi, we're Quentin Tarantino and Robert Rodriguez. All this sex and violence set to a snazzy score getting you hard? Sure it is. So just save us all some trouble and hand over your money now, fanboys. Thanks."

Of course, if there are directors out there who can get away with simply informing you that you're going to see their films whether you like it or not, Tarantino (who I love) and Rodriguez (who I like and respect on a technical level, though his films have never blown me away) are among them.

So, did the film live up to the hype and my admittedly enormous expectations? Well, no, not really.

Don't get me wrong, it's a good film. At times, it's a very good film. But at no point is it ever what I'd call a great film. At least, not considering the level of genius behind it. Maybe it's also that I didn't have the benefit of growing up in the era of grindhouses, so the romance of kung-fu, horror, and action films of dubious quality, shown in unclean, dingy theaters, is mostly lost on me.

Regardless, the movie ultimately feels like a series of missed opportunities.


Planet Terror

It starts out promising enough. Rose McGowan Go-Go dancing. Naveen Andrews and his grotesque trophies. Bruce Willis being...well, Bruce Willis. And zombies. Lots of zombies.

But sometimes, even Go-Go dancers, zombies, and Bruce Willis aren't enough to save a film.

Planet Terror is basically the same as every other Rodriguez film I've ever seen, in that the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. There are plenty of cool moments, and one or two really cool moments, but overall, the film seems lacking.

I thought the biggest problem is that Rodriguez pushes the audience's suspension of disbelief too far, to the extent that by the end, the film has basically turned into a cartoon, and not a very good one, at that.

Zombie attack? Yeah, I'll buy that. Rose McGowan getting a machine gun for a leg, that she can seemingly fire just by thinking it? Well...sure, why not? Rose McGowan firing the grenade launcher attached to said machine gun five inches off the ground, and instead of getting blown to pieces, is instead launched into the air, where she begins an aerial assault against the zombies? Wait, hold on a second...

Not Rodriguez's best effort. But at least we get it out of the way first, which then brings us to...


Death Proof

Much, much better. Funny and gruesome, it starts strong and stays strong, and as a result, I don't really have much to say about it, other than that I wish it had been longer. I look forward to the DVD so I can see that "missing reel." I guess my one criticism is that some of the dialogue doesn't quite seem like it's up to Tarantino's usual standards, but it's an easy thing to forget about, because it's delivered so well.

On a side note, it's been forever since I've seen a Kurt Russell film, but he still makes a credible action star. If Harrison Ford can do another Indiana Jones flick, and Sylvester Stallone can revisit Rocky and Rambo, Russell could undoubtedly do another Snake Plissken or Big Trouble in Little China film.


The trailers

Machete was easily the best of the bunch, so I was happy to read that Rodriguez actually is making it into a film. After years of fairly thankless roles in various Tarantino and Rodriguez productions (not to mention, those two godawful straight-to-video From Dusk Till Dawn sequels), Danny Trejo deserves the spotlight.

Werewolf Women of the S.S. Eh. Cute gag, but that's about all it was.

Don't was also just okay. Maybe I would have appreciated it more if I'd read this before seeing it, so I would have gotten the joke, but I doubt it. Doesn't matter. I'm still seeing Super Fuzz.

And finally, I got more enjoyment out of the two-minute Thanksgiving trailer than I did from most of the horror films I've seen this year. Eli Roth really is the best horror director in the business.


Overall

Grindhouse will never be on the level of Tarantino's or Rodriguez's masterpieces, but that's fine. I don't get the sense that either one really thought it would. It was basically just two insanely talented writer/directors having fun with the studio's money. Which, all things being equal, doesn't seem at all like a bad way to make a movie.

The Justice League of D.C.

Remember how psyched D.C. was to get a Trader Joe's? Well that's nothing, because now the city has landed the freaking Justice League of America!

That's right! In this week's Justice League of America #7, the team officially unveiled its new headquarters, right here in the nation's capital!

What part of D.C.? Well...looking at the picture, it would appear to be the part with lots and lots of trees. And no buildings or monuments visible in the background. Or pedestrians. Or roads. Or...um...shit.

Damn it, Ed Benes. You spend God knows how many hours making sure that the breasts of every woman you draw are as improbably proportioned as possible, but you can't take five minutes to glance at a few photos of D.C. for reference? Even those guys who worked on Super Friends back in the 70s realized that you can't put a building smack dab in the middle of a large city, and have it be an island unto itself.

Granted, there are parts of D.C. that the building could theoretically be in that jibes with Benes' drawing. But come on. If you're the JLA, you're not going to put your headquarters in some remote part of the city, close to residential neighborhoods. You're not going to be miles away from a Metro station. You're not going to fall for Marion Barry's pitch to be part of the Anacostia development. No, you're going to put it on Pennsylvania Avenue. You know what would be the perfect spot? Where the Canadian Embassy is. Surely, Canada can make way for the Justice League.

Anyway, as a comic book geek, I'm thrilled with this development. As a D.C. geography geek, less so.

And I, for one, welcome our new Iranian overlords

I know these are all really big ifs, but...IF we get into a war with Iran, and IF we're somehow defeated and subsequently conquered, and IF Ahmadinejad becomes our new president, would we have to start dressing like him, as the hostages did?

Because I have to admit, I kind of dig the look. And apparently, so do the Brits. Look how happy they are in their spiffy new duds!

Okay, the female soldier seems sort of pissed. But I think American women would adapt to having to wear scarves. Eventually. It may have been a PR fiasco, but Nancy Pelosi's trip to Syria proved that you can be fashionable and indeed, sexy, even while keeping that hair under cover. And just think, ladies, the bad hair day will officially be no more! Isn't that worth the loss of a few key liberties?

I'm going to start clearing out my closet now. I can't wait to be Iranian!

Optimist for Life

We're going to hold Mayor Fenty's feet to the fire," Council member Marion Barry said. "We want this school system to be the best in the world, and it can happen if we make it happen." (Examiner)

Oh, yeah. There's hyperbole, and then there's hyperbole, Barry-style, baby.

Regardless of how successful Fenty's plan is, the idea of D.C. schools even being "the best in the region," is a stretch. Declaring that they could one day be "the best in the nation," would likely prompt gales of laughter from anyone even remotely familiar with the city.

But "the best in the world"? Even if you didn't count Finland and, say, most of Asia, that would still be a pretty tall order.

Maybe if we got the crime rate down to zero, went a whole year without a single fire or medical emergency, and got the terrorists to agree to focus on other cities, D.C. would have enough money to make its schools competitive on an international level. Finding an oil well underneath one of the schools wouldn't hurt, either. Look what all that oil money did for Bayside High and Springfield Elementary.

But barring that, I just don't see it happening. And frankly, I don't think Barry does, either.

But that's why he's such a successful politician. Because he's learned that no matter what you say, it's not really bullshit if no one ever calls you on it.

24: 9 P.M.-10 P.M.

Thoughts:

--Have we even seen the upstairs office this season? Bill never seems to use it, which I guess is why Mike seems to have made himself at home.

--They're dragging the Supreme Court into this? Really? I guess I'm interested to see where they go with this, but this show is starting to give me flashbacks of my eighth grade civics class. Of course, the whole plot line would be much more thrilling if we hadn't already gone through this in the second season.

--Could they possibly go a little more overboard in making the VP a completely cartoonish villain? I really hope they reveal that he has some financial stake in wanting to nuke whatever country it is that's pissed him off so badly, or is trying to cover his tracks in helping the terrorists or something, because I'm not sure I buy the idea that he just has a patriotic hard-on to drop a bomb.

--Heh. How can you not love Gradenko? Not only is he hardcore enough to cut off his own arm in order to escape CTU, but he picks the best possible moment to fuck over Fayed. I'm actually sort of pulling for him to escape.

Jack's confirmed kills: 2 (14 for the season)

Jack's Words of Wisdom: "You try and warn Fayed with anything you say or how you say it, and I will kill you right here, right now."

Overall grade: B

Comic of the Week: Green Lantern #18

Green Lantern #18
"Mystery of the Star Sapphire" by Geoff Johns & Daniel Acuña
Published by DC Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

Carol Ferris gets taken over by Star Sapphire (again), and proceeds to totally c-block Hal, who's out on a date with Generic Superhero Love Interest #847. And...that's pretty much all that happens.

Comments:

After giving The Flash a try last week and liking it, I thought I'd check out another series I haven't read for a while. Turns out that wasn't such a hot idea.

Let's start with the cover. Leaving the comic book store, I prayed I didn't get in some horrible accident on the way home, because I really didn't want anyone seeing that I'd bought this. Way to cater to the horny fanboy crowd, DC. What, Frank Cho wasn't available to do a variant nude cover?

The sad thing is, the cover has more substance than the actual story. Nothing happens. At least, not anything that couldn't have been told in about half the space. The worst part is that this wasn't even a full-length story. There's a back-up, which eats up six pages (and isn't that great, either). As such, Johns ought to be able to provide a really tight story, yet it still feels like it's mostly filler.

It also doesn't help that there seems to be an unusually high number of pages with really large panels, including an astonishing four full-page ones. That's over 25% of the story. Granted, a comic's value shouldn't be based simply on how many word balloons and panels there are, but at $3 a pop, I expect a little more than just pretty pictures. (For what it's worth, though, the pictures are pretty. Acuña has some juice, and I'm glad to see him doing more than just covers.)

The really annoying thing is that I greatly enjoy Johns' work on Teen Titans and Justice Society of America, and feel as though I more than get my money's worth from them each month. So maybe he's better on team books, or maybe this issue was just an aberration, and Green Lantern is usually as good as his other stuff. But I don't think I'll be sticking around to find out.

Line of the Week:

"Tell me, Hal...do you want this body instead? It's awfully yummy."--Star Sapphire

Overall grade: D