Jessica Alba (before she was Jessica Alba) used to date Derek Jeter, the serial celebrity dater, who plays for the NY Yankees. Well, our source who worked for one of their camps, had to refill her Valtrex prescription for her on a regular basis! Guess who she got it from…that's right…dirty Derek Jeter. ( LA Rag Mag)
Duh. I mean...of course Derek Jeter has herpes. Was there actually any doubt?
The man only does two things in life: play baseball and go out. He doesn't need to eat, he doesn't need to sleep, he just plays baseball and goes out. And just like he's bound to hit the occasional home run while playing baseball, he's bound to pick up some really nasty stuff while dating models and actresses. It's just the law of averages.
And as the article points out, Jeter also dated Jessica Biel, who's now dating Justin Timberlake. Is it possible for a man to bring sexy back when sexy is covered in angry red sores? I wouldn't think so.
On the bright side, I heard Jessica Alba is currently dating Dane Cook. And if there's anyone in the world who deserves herpes, it's Dane Cook.
Remember that poster in your high school nurse's office, that on the left side, had a drawing of a girl who had an STD? The whole poster was set up like a horizontal pyramid. That one girl slept with one boy, who slept with two other girls, who slept with four other boys, and so on and so forth, until the STD outbreak had gone from one student to one hundred? And at the bottom it said something like, "Don't forget...you're having sex with everyone else your partner has ever had sex with"?
I can't help but think that if only Derek Jeter's high school had had that poster, this whole thing could have been avoided.
"Keep that thing away from me, Jeter! I don't want to get herpes! I...oh. It's just your bat. Whew."