Dating for DC Dummies

It's been a while since there's been a Date Lab worth commenting on. Fortunately, this week's installment delivers in spades. (Although, since when would a trial attorney and marketing VP qualify as "a dazzling DC power couple"? Have power couple standards really sunk that low this this town since Carville and Matlin hooked up?) Anyway, on to this week's train wreck:

Jennifer: I pulled up pretty close to 7:30. Neville had already been seated. You know how the tone is set by the first move? The hostess brought me to the table, and, literally, Neville started giggling.

Neville: From the first glance, it was like, It ain't happening. There was an awkward moment -- mutual disappointment or surprise or whatever. Physically, Jennifer was fine. But I wasn't expecting a white girl.

Okay, so right off the bat, we know Neville's a dick. Well, we kind of knew that from his picture, but now it's confirmed.

On a blind date, I've found it's always best to anticipate the person you're meeting as looking like the man or woman you find least attractive in the world (in my case, Rosie O'Donnell). That way, you're never disappointed, and are usually quite relieved when they end up looking nothing like that person. But failing that, you should at least make an effort not to fucking giggle when you meet them.

And seriously, he thought she was white?

Neville: She's not a sports fan. She doesn't really watch TV -- no "Laguna Beach" or "Entourage," no "Wire," no "L Word."

Grown men shouldn't watch Laguna Beach, and no men should watch The L Word. So we also know that Neville's weird.

Neville: ...I may have to go back and talk to the hostess, though. She was a sista with dreadlocks. Definitely my type: young, cute and skinny.

How can someone so unbelievably dorky be so skeevy? (Check out his best date ever for further proof of this.)

Is this really what passes for a desirable bachelor in DC? If so, I may have to revise my opinion of why the whole Dating-in-DC-is-hard claim is bullshit.

Gallaudet Crisis: The terrorists have won edition

The governing board of Gallaudet University today revoked the appointment of the school's incoming president, bowing to the demands of students, faculty, staff and alumni whose protests have kept the nation's premier school for the deaf in turmoil for the last month. (Washington Post)

To Dr. Fernandes: Find yourself a good lawyer, and take the school for every penny you can.

To the board of trustees: You're a bunch of cowards, who were beaten into submission by a bunch of kids. I encourage you to at least deny the protesters their demand of full amnesty for their actions. Letting them off the hook without facing any academic or legal consequences would send the message that they were right to block gates, take over buildings, and in general, act like thugs for the better part of a month.

Then again, given your complete lack of convictions, maybe that is the message you want to send. So I guess do whatever the fuck you want.

To the students and faculty: Hey, I can give credit where credit is due. I didn't think you had a chance in hell of winning this, but you did. Well played.

But I think you'll find in the long term, this has done far more harm to Gallaudet than good, so be prepared to face the repercussions of this little temper tantrum. And God help you if you pull this shit with the next appointee, simply because he or she isn't diverse enough, isn't deaf enough, or whatever. Just take whoever the board chooses, and smile.

Comic of the Week: Secret Six #5

Secret Six #5
"Life as We Know It" by Gail Simone and Brad Walker
Published by DC Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

After Scandal catches Deadshot and Knockout knocking boots, she heads off to see Vandal Savage, who's still demanding she give him a grandson. The rest of the team follows, and predictably, a fight ensues. Unpredictably, the best part of it involves Dr. Psycho and the Mad Hatter going mano-e-mano.

Comments:

So far, this series hasn't quite managed to recapture the excitement of Villains United, but it's still been a tremendous amount of fun. No small part of that comes from the brilliant decision to include the Mad Hatter on the team. Taking a C-list Batman villain and turning him into an interesting and sympathetic character couldn't have been easy, but Simone's pulled it off flawlessly.

Line of the Week:

"Dr. Psycho, is it? Why not pick on someone your own size?"--Mad Hatter

Overall grade: B

Live in the now

I saw the saddest bit of Redskins merchandise ever today. It's a hat that says:

Washington Redskins
3 Time Super Bowl Champions
XVII, XXII, XXVI

Is this really something to be proud of? First, it's not like other NFL teams haven't won multiple championships. But more importantly, doesn't this simply reinforce just how bad the team currently is? The hats might as well say, "Hey, we used to be good. No, really! Here's proof!"

After this season ends, the Redskins should immediately start making hats that say, "2007 Super Bowl Champs," just to prove how confident they are. Sure, it'd probably be a complete waste of money. But hey, so was Al Saunders.

Our long national nightmare is over

Baseball season is finally over. Thank God.

No, scratch that. God has nothing to do with baseball. Baseball is an affront to God. National pastime, my ass.

The fact that the game is boring as hell is bad enough. But eight months of it? Baseball season should be four months, max. Eight months is way too long for any sports season.

Okay, except for football. I'd totally watch an eight month NFL season. I don't think the players would exactly be enthusiastic about the idea, though.

Week eight NFL picks

A season-worst 4-9 last week; 62-38 for the season

Baltimore at New Orleans: New Orleans
Seattle at Kansas City: Kansas City
Arizona at Green Bay: Green Bay
Atlanta at Cincinnati: Atlanta
San Francisco at Chicago: Chicago
Houston at Tennessee: Houston
Jacksonville at Philadelphia: Jacksonville
Tampa Bay at NY Giants: New York
St. Louis at San Diego: San Diego
Pittsburgh at Oakland: Pittsburgh
Indianapolis at Denver: Denver
NY Jets at Cleveland: New York
Dallas at Carolina: Carolina
New England at Minnesota: New England

Gallaudet Crisis: Running out of gas edition

You know the protest is going down in flames when the people involved are reduced to this:

Today, protesters plan to wear black and call this "Black Friday" in commemoration of that day.

...
Then at 10 a.m. students plant to sit down wherever they are for 10 minutes. At noon, protesters said a human chain will be formed around College Hall, the schools main administration building, for 15 minutes.
...
At 5 p.m., students plan to meet at the front gate on Florida Avenue and march around campus. That will be followed by a rally at the president's home, students said. (NBC 4)

Wow. A ten minute sit down. That'll show 'em. Seriously, guys, enough. It's bad enough you've embarrassed DC these past few weeks. Now you're just embarrassing yourselves.

One thing that often gets overlooked in this debate is that Fernandes has already signed a contract. Which means that by resigning, she'd be forfeiting God only knows how many thousands of dollars. She certainly can't be fired for cause, so if the students, faculty, and alumni really want her gone, just take up a collection and buy her contract out. It won't be cheap, but it would get the job done.

But it won't happen. Because whining is easier than fundraising.

Superman Returns...again

A few calls later, other studio insiders confirmed that the deal was finalized last week and the team that brought Superman Returns to theaters earlier this year will return for the sequel. (IESB)

Uh...yay?

I don't know. In general, I think Superman Returns has to be considered a failure. It may as well have been called Bryan Singer Presents A Bryan Singer Production of Bryan Singer's Superman, given the sheer amount of completely unnecessary and self-indulgent elements that bordered on masturbatory.

But there were moments of near-brilliance. Routh's performance was great, the special effects were utterly amazing, and even though 95% of the film made no sense whatsoever, the 5% that did was a lot of fun.

Supposedly, there will be more action in the sequel, which presumably means there'll be less of the insipid relationship between Superman, Lois, and their kid. And the villain is said to be--and take this with the usual grain of salt that comes with all Internet rumors--"one of the ultimate baddies in the D.C. Universe." Which could be Braniac, but to me, screams Darkseid.

Which is great, because no matter how bad the movie is, if I get to see this up on the big screen, I'll feel as though I've gotten my money's worth.

Voting is sexy!

Voting. That's what the PSA, a double-entendred riff by well-known Hollywood actresses, is about. And it's what 20 million unmarried women didn't do in 2004, according to Page Gardner, president of the group that produced the ad, Women's Voices. Women Vote.

...
"So this is how these liberals think that they're going to get single women to vote?" Limbaugh asked. "Sex. Now, I want to ask you, is this clever or is this demeaning? . . . It may work, who knows, but it's still demeaning. It tells me they're not interested in women voting issues." (Washington Post)

God help me, but I agree with Limbaugh. This is pretty sad. Aside from Angie Harmon, who the hell thinks that hearing Angie Harmon wax philosophic about how empowering it was to vote for the first time, will motivate those 20 million women on Election Day?

And these are really the biggest stars they could find? Angie Harmon? Regina King? Tyne Daly? Daphne Zuniga? Felicity Huffman? (Okay, she was a nice pull, but they would have gotten more mileage out of Eva Longoria.) Of course they're able to go out and vote. Most of them don't have jobs these days.

Also, I'm a little insulted. There are probably more guys who don't vote than there are women. Where are our PSAs? I was going to vote, but now I'm not going to, until a celebrity gives me the go-ahead.

Who is the male Hollywood equivalent of a Regina King or Daphne Zuniga, anyway? Someone get Scott Baio on the phone, stat!

Gallaudet Crisis: Front loader edition

One student suffered a toe injury when the administration sent a front-end loader to clear demonstrators' camping materials from the school's Brentwood Road NE entrance, one of several that have been blocked in the protest that began Oct. 1 over the appointment of the next president at the school for the deaf.

...
"This is a peaceful protest, and the university is starting to attack us," freshman protester Tar Burt said. (Washington Post)

A toe injury, huh? It's a shame that someone was hurt, but despite the predictable histrionics of the protesters, we're not exactly talking about Kent State, here. And really, as with most problems in life, the whole thing could have been easily avoided had the students read their Hitchhiker's:

Prosser: "Mr. Dent?"
Arthur: "Hello, yes?"
Prosser: "Have you any idea how much damage this bulldozer would suffer if I were to let it roll straight over you?"
Arthur: "How much?"
Prosser: "None at all."

"Don't blow it," Prof. Jeff Lewis told 500 students at a meeting last night, mindful that a violent or disruptive protest could backfire. "We are this close. We are this close."

It really is heartening to see the Gallaudet faculty acting so responsible towards their students.

The protesters are an easy target (and God knows I've taken plenty of shots at them, and will continue to do so), but in the end, they're just a bunch of stupid, easily excitable kids. It's the faculty that continues to manipulate them from the comfort of their own homes. I hope Fernandes is paying attention to which professors are looking out for the best interests of the school, and which ones are simply pursuing their own agendas.

Gallaudet Crisis: Renewed hostilities edition

Student protesters at Gallaudet University took over the main administrative building on campus overnight, chaining the doors and saying that school officials cannot enter until they are more responsive to the on-going campus unrest. (Washington Post)

Oh, for the love of Christ.

The patience Jordan and Fernandes have shown these idiots thus far is nothing short of superhuman. But it's time to take the kid gloves off.

I say shut off the power and water to the building. Then have campus security surround it, bringing in additional help if needed. Allow the protesters to leave anytime they want, but don't let them back in, and don't let anyone else bring food, water, or flashlights.

Or fuck it, just send cops in to arrest the lot of them, and then expel their asses. At this point, I'm more or less past caring.

Plummer, a 25-year-old junior, said protesters are frustrated that neither Fernandes nor Jordan has approached several students who are staging a hunger strike in a tent by the main campus gate, to "find out what's going on."

I think it's a pretty safe bet they know "what's going on." Seriously, after all this, the students are upset that Jordan and Fernandes aren't just stopping by to hang out?

But the fact that the leader of the protest is a 25-year old junior says a lot.

"You know, a lot of people go to college for seven years."
"I know. They're called doctors."

Great movie.

Plummer also said students are angry that the university has filed charges of "disrupting university operations" against students involved in the shutdowns and arrested on Friday, Oct. 13.

Damn you, Jane Fernandes! Charging protesters with "disrupting university operations" simply because they disrupted university operations! What kind of a school president charges students with the very crimes they committed? What kind of a monster are you?!?!

Incidentally, Fernandes did an online chat at washingtonpost.com a couple of days ago. She presented her points very clearly, and was resolute in her desire to see order restored to the campus, and not be chased out of her job by a bunch of spoiled college kids. Well worth reading. (Then compare her words to LaToya Plummer's inane ramblings, and I think it becomes clear who the good guys are in this situation.)

Fenty declares a slacker emergency

Fenty, a marathon runner, is known for his tireless pace, and staff members say he expects them to match it.

Evans focused on dealing with reporters, but Fenty also assigned him to attend staff meetings and other events. He was absent more than once, and Fenty warned him about losing focus, said the sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the campaign continues.

Evans worked long hours, attending forums and walking with Fenty door to door at times. But he sought to carve out more time for his personal life after the primary, staff members said. (Washington Post)

Firing a loyal employee for wanting a personal life. Damn, that's pretty cold. But I can't get too upset. If nothing else, the last few years have taught us that government employees shouldn't have personal lives.

Having a personal life means having time to send IMs to pages. Or accept Springsteen tickets from Jack Abramoff. Or keep a blog detailing illicit affairs with married men. Or any one of the many things that goes on in this city every day, that we don't know about.

So it's probably best that everyone now knows that working for Fenty means giving up any and all rights to a life outside the office. Besides, why do they need personal lives, anyway? Caffeine pills are a perfectly healthy substitute for sleep, you can keep up with friends via My Space from your work computer, and I'm sure Fenty would be fine with a small stash of porn kept in the office, if it meant staffers weren't always going out on dates or trying to spend time with their spouses.

Of course, if he really wanted to crack the whip, he'd force each staffer to wear an ankle bracelet that would track their whereabouts at all times. If someone goes beyond 50 yards away from the Wilson Building, it starts beeping. And if they go beyond 100 yards, it explodes.

Geekgasm

A promo for Cinemax's upcoming Star Wars marathon, with clips of the films set to "Fix You" by Coldplay. (Shut up, it's a good song.)

The Katherine Harris drinking game

Monday's U.S. Senate debate between Democratic incumbent Bill Nelson and Republican Congresswoman Katherine Harris is sponsored by Leadership Florida, the Florida Press Association and the Florida Public Broadcasting Service.

It will air live beginning at 8 p.m on all Florida public broadcasting television and radio stations and the website, www.beforeyouvote.org. (WTSP)

God knows this'll be entertaining enough on its own, but as with most things in life, alcohol will make it even better. So take a shot every time Harris:

- Brings up her Christianity

- Shuffles through her notes

- Makes a blatantly untrue and/or easily refutable claim

- Denies anyone in the GOP tried to get her out of the race

- Mentions Terri Schiavo

- Attempts to explain away some crazy thing she's said or done

- Brings up how much of her own money she's spent on the campaign

- Wipes away a tear

- Places blame for her polling numbers on the mainstream media or blogs

- Says something stupid that makes Nelson smirk, knowing it's in the bag

- Guarantees victory

Comic of the Week: The Authority #1

The Authority #1
"Utopian" by Grant Morrison & Gene Ha
Published by Wildstorm Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

A married couple we've never seen before argues, the British military finds the Carrier underwater, and I hope you enjoyed Midnighter and the Engineer on the cover, because that's the closest you're going to get to actually seeing anyone from the Authority in this issue.

Comments:

Even at its creative low points, The Authority has consistently been one of the most exciting, violent, provocative, and intelligently-written superhero comics ever published. So when I heard Grant Morrison was relaunching the book, I didn't know what to expect, but I knew it was going to be awesome.

Well, this certainly isn't what I think anyone expected, and it really wasn't that awesome. Granted, this issue is obviously a set-up for the rest of Morrison's run, hence why very little of any real consequence seems to happen. But when you're talking about a bi-monthly comic that costs $3, I think 22 pages of set-up is a bit much. Especially when a good portion of it involves a couple bickering in their kitchen. If ever there was a comic that should have been done as a $.25 promotional book, it was this one.

Equally annoying, as a result of the really mundane story, Gene Ha's normally amazing artwork is equally mundane. The shot of the Carrier is great, but 2 pages out of 22 is a pretty sorry ratio.

Line of the Week:

"Can I remind you about the no farting rule, Dez?"--Ken

Overall grade: D

Romantic comedies for dudes

Nothing says "winner" quite like being home on a Saturday night watching the new movie on HBO, yet that's where I found myself last night.

Just Like Heaven was the movie, and although it has one of the most completely and utterly ludicrous plots ever (Reese Witherspoon stars as a woman who's never had a relationship or, apparently, even a date. Oh, and there's something about her coming back as a spirit that only Mark Ruffalo can see and hear, and Napoleon Dynamite plays a psychic or something, but in terms of believability, both of those pale in comparison to the first thing), I actually dug it. And as I watched, I realized something.

I really like romantic comedies. In fact, I've probably seen more romantic comedies than movies of any other genre, aside from horror.

Just like horror films, though, for every good romantic comedy, there are something like twenty really bad ones. So for no particular reason, here's my list of the five best and worst romantic comedies of all time, from a guy's point of view.


Best:

5) While You Were Sleeping

Remember that brief window in the 90s when Sandra Bullock was really cute and charming? I think it stretched from Speed to...well, Speed 2. Anyway, during that time, she managed to squeeze in this film, which is actually even more contrived than Just Like Heaven, but works in spite of itself.

4) Shakespeare in Love

Unfairly maligned as the most undeserved Best Picture winner in recent memory (*cough*, *cough*, Gladiator, *cough*), the movie is actually really good, so long as you don't take things like Shakespeare or history too seriously. And when you consider that it manages to be really good in spite of Gwyneth Paltrow, you realize that it's even better. Because Gwyneth Paltrow usually makes everything suck.

3) There's Something About Mary

Not only is this arguably one of the most hilarious movies ever made, but it proved that under the right circumstances, stalking can be adorable.

2) The American President

This is why I don't believe it when I hear people whine about how hard dating is in DC. If the President of the United States can do it, so can you.

1) Notting Hill

As best I can tell, there are only two men on Earth who really love this movie: me and Hugh Grant. And I'm not even sure about him. Regardless, not only is it my favorite romantic comedy, but one of my favorite movies in general. Just a really beautiful, wonderfully made film all around.


Worst:

5) You've Got Mail

Meg Ryan is a small bookstore owner. Tom Hanks goes around opening big box bookstores, putting people like her out of business. At first, they hate each other, then find out that they've been secretly having cybersex or something. At no point does a safe fall on either of them, to the detriment of the film.

4) When Harry Met Sally

There's something about Meg Ryan that doesn't gel with comedies, romantic or otherwise. I've never seen Sleepless in Seattle, but if I had, I'm sure I'd hate that one, too. Anyway, it's bad enough how lame this movie is, but the fact that it's so completely overrated is even worse.

3) Serendipity

John Cusak and Kate Beckensale have one of those only-in-the-movies love at first sight moments. But instead of just counting their blessings, she makes the poor bastard jump through hoops to prove that fate wants them together. Then they get separated (before exchanging contact info, naturally), and don't see each other for years. In the meantime, Cusack's character gets engaged to Bridget Moynahan, who's one of the few women on Earth who completely blows Beckensale out of the water in terms of looks. Then he leaves her. Wha...?

2) America's Sweethearts

Billy Crystal got a bunch of his movie star friends together and managed to make one of the most unromantic, uncomedic romantic comedies in the history of cinema. In fact, the only alleged romantic comedy worse than this is...

1) What Women Want

Crap, crap, crap. Two hours of Mel Gibson getting in touch with his feminine side, and pretending that Helen Hunt is funny and attractive, despite there being demonstrable evidence to the contrary. Personally, I suspect his alcoholism and crazed anti-Semitic outburst were simply caused by post-traumatic stress of having made this film.

Week seven NFL picks

9-4 last week; 58-29 for the season

Jacksonville at Houston: Jacksonville
Carolina at Cincinnati: Cincinnati
New England at Buffalo: Buffalo
Pittsburgh at Atlanta: Pittsburgh
Philadelphia at Tampa Bay: Philadelphia
Detroit at NY Jets: Detroit
Green Bay at Miami: Green Bay
San Diego at Kansas City: San Diego
Denver at Cleveland: Denver
Minnesota at Seattle: Seattle
Arizona at Oakland: Arizona
Washington at Indianapolis: Washington
NY Giants at Dallas: Giants

Geekgasm

Holy frak, that was awesome. Best show on TV!

Schooling a Metro newbie

As anyone who rides Metro during rush hour knows, when large groups of people get off the train, there's a mad rush for the escalator. There are often two, sometimes three, streams of people coming from different directions, all trying to get on.

The losers in this situation are typically the people who are coming at the escalator from the front, because they end up waiting in line while everyone coming from the sides just jump in front of them. A lot of the time, people are nice enough to let you merge into the line, but sometimes you have to get a bit pushy. But no one ever seems to mind, because it's just how the system works.

Hundreds of times over the years, I've been the one who cuts in front of people, and I've also been the one who's been cut in front of. Either way, I've never given it a second thought. It's chaos, but it's structured chaos. And there's never been a problem. Until today.

When I got off the train this morning, I was behind the escalator. By the time my fellow passengers and I reached it, there was a long line of people. So of course, rather than walk all the way to the rear, one by one, we just started merging in. When it was my turn, I quickly slashed in front of some guy, who appeared to be 20 or so. I saw the look of surprise on his face, but figured he'd realize that my cutting in front of him was just SOP, and not any sort of personal slight.

A moment later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Hey, you know you cut right in front of me, right?" the guy asked. He was dressed in a suit and tie, so he didn't look like a tourist. Maybe a new transplant, maybe a fall intern. And he didn't seem angry or anything. Just confused, as if he'd just seen one of the inviolate laws of the universe violated.

"Oh. Yeah," I responded, nodding for added emphasis.

For a moment, he just looked at me. It seemed like he was expecting me to elaborate. Maybe explain why I felt it was okay to cut in front of him, or even apologize. When he saw I wasn't going to do either, he asked. "So...that's how it works here?"

"Yeah. Pretty much."

He considered that for a second, then nodded, appearing to accept it.

When we reached the top of the escalator, we parted. I watched him walk away, and I couldn't help feeling a bit of pride, as if I were teacher seeing a student go off into the world after instilling my wisdom to him.

As an added bonus, I had done my part to make Metro more efficient, for the public in general, and this guy in particular.

Good for me.

You've met Paolo and Nikki, right? Course you have.

After checking out some of the reaction to last night's episode of Lost, people seem really annoyed that two new characters just appeared out of the blue at the end, as if they'd been part of the group the whole time.

First, I don't see why this is an issue. Surely, for the several weeks they've been on the island, everyone who isn't Jack, Kate, Locke, etc., haven't just been sitting on the beach, twiddling their thumbs. I'm sure they've been off exploring the island, having their own wacky adventures, and talking to the main characters on a regular basis. So what if we never saw any of it? If the producers says it happened, why not take them at their word?

Second, did none of you watch Saved By The Bell: The New Class when you were a kid? If you had, you would have been more than prepared for this sort of curve ball. See, whenever they'd write out a character on that show--something they did on a regular basis--they would just insert a new one and act like he or she had been part of the clique all along. And no one ever questioned it.

That's just one of the many reasons why Bayside High was so awesome. You never lost a friend. You always broke even.

One geek, one vote

In an interview with the editorial board of the Bucks County Courier Times, embattled Pennsylvania Sen. Rick Santorum has equated the war in Iraq with J.R.R. Tolkien's "Lord of the Rings." According to the paper, Santorum said that the United States has avoided terrorist attacks at home over the past five years because the "Eye of Mordor" has been focused on Iraq instead.

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said. "It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S. You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States." (Salon)

Okay, I'll be honest. While reading that, the Democrat in me cringed, but the geek in me kind of swooned. And I'm not even a big LotR fan.

For too long, politicians have completely ignored the geek vote, while blatantly pandering to evangelicals, special interest groups, minorities, and people cowering under their beds because of al Queda. It might be too little, too late for Santorum, but I think he's on to something here, and other candidates may want to follow his lead.

I mean, how is it possible that not one Republican has compared Islamic fundamentalists to the Borg? It's such an obvious analogy! Is no one on Capitol Hill a Trekkie? Why didn't Democrats arrange some sort of cross-promotion between An Inconvenient Truth and Superman Returns? Al Gore is our Jor-El, dammit.

So listen up, politicians. There are millions...okay, thousands...of geeks, nerds, and dorks in America, just waiting to be reached out to. On Election Day, they can either be out supporting you, or on some message board, debating whether or not Batman could beat Galactus.

The choice is yours.

Gallaudet Crisis: Homecoming edition

Gallaudet has postponed its homecoming, which was scheduled for this weekend. I have no doubt that the students will find some way to blame Fernandes for this, even though they're the ones still blocking the damn gates. The mindset among protesters seems to be, "Everything that goes wrong is all her fault, because she won't do what we're demanding."

And as for the protesters' claim that they're absolutely, positively, 100% not against Fernandes because they don't consider her to be "deaf enough":

"We thought she wasn't deaf enough," says freshman Stefano Scarna, 19. "She's very oral in her communication style, and we're American Sign Language oriented."

"I definitely feel she's been too friendly, catering to the technology sector of the hearing world that wants to help deaf people hear," said senior Noah Beckman, the student body president. (USA Today)

Ah. Well, I'm glad that's cleared up.

Gallaudet Crisis: Day...whatever

"Can we make it any more clear?" Jan Hafer, a professor on sabbatical from the school's education department, said after the meeting. "Dr. Fernandes must resign. She does not have the support of the university. It's clear. It's overwhelming."

...
The faculty also narrowly passed a vote of no confidence in Jordan and resoundingly asserted a lack of confidence in the board of trustees. (Washington Post)

It's becoming increasingly apparent what the real problem is, here. The faculty members appear to be gleefully exploiting their students in order to further their own agenda. While the students are out blocking gates, going on hunger strikes, and risking their futures, the faculty...passes resolutions. Impressive.

Of the 130 or so faculty members who are demanding Fernandes resign, how many were out there being arrested on Friday? How many are willing to risk their jobs by refusing to teach, just as the students are risking their grades by refusing to attend class? How many actually give a damn about the kids they're egging on?

It'd be really easy for Fernandes, Jordan, and the trustees to back down at this point. It's good that they're not willing to be bullied. For the students who are demanding strong leadership, hopefully, they'll see that it's right there, staring them in the face.

A little too ironic. And yeah I really do think.

"What I find ironic, if there is an investigation, is that no one would tell me until three weeks before the election," Weldon said at an appearance in Media. "This incident was 2 1/2 years ago." (Philly Burbs)

Aside from the dubious requirements that already exist, can we please make it a rule that members of Congress understand what the word "ironic" means, as opposed to the fucking Alanis Morissette definition of the word?

"Surprising." "Disturbing." "Really, really inconvenient." Any one of these would have accurately expressed what Weldon wanted to say. But instead he goes with "ironic," presumably because that's long been a word that stupid people use when they want to sound intelligent.

This whole thing is just so ironic.

(See, here it works, because I accuse other people of misusing the word to sound smart, then I do it myself. That's irony! Wait...or is it? I don't know. Maybe I should run for Congress.)

It was a huge, bitter disappointment for us, too, Joe

"Obviously this was a huge, bitter disappointment for me," a grim Redskins coach Joe Gibbs said after the game. "It's all of us together and certainly that starts with me." (Washington Post)

While it would be easy to put the entire loss on Brunell, the truth is, he didn't have a terrible game. He didn't have a great game, but at this point in his career, it would be unfair to expect great games from him, unless we're allowed to play Houston every week. And despite their 0-5 record going in, the Titans were nowhere near as bad as Houston.

No, it's really starting to look like the problem is Gibbs. With Williams handling the defense and Saunders handling the offense, what exactly is Gibbs responsible for? Other than being grim? Is he still the head coach in the eyes of the team? Is he a figurehead? If Gibbs stayed home on Sundays and the Redskins just set up a cardboard cutout of him on the sideline, would there be any appreciable difference?

And can we please admit that hiring Saunders was a big, big mistake? Bringing in a new offensive coordinator--sorry, offensive coordinator/assistant head coach--is something you do when your offense the previous season was terrible, and needs rebuilding from the ground up. Whatever faults the team had last year, you can't say that either the offense or defense was terrible. Not when they went on that amazing run at the end of the season, and made it to the second round of the playoffs. So what exactly was the need for Al Saunders and his legendary 300 page playbook?

In the past, I'd chalk up Saunders' hiring to simply more meddling from Dan Snyder, who's never met a waste of money he didn't totally embrace. But in this case, the decision to bring Saunders in seems to rest entirely on Gibbs. Just like the decision to keep Jason Campbell on the bench, no matter how bad it gets. (One can only wonder how Campbell feels, seeing Vince Young and Matt Leinart taking over the starting jobs from their teams' over-the-hill QBs less than halfway through their rookie years, while he's in his second year, and still waiting for his shot.)

A couple of years ago, during Gibbs' first disastrous season back, I used to laugh whenever anyone would bring up the possibility of Snyder firing him. Because in this town, Gibbs could probably go 0-16, and fans would still side with him over Snyder. (Granted, that's not saying much. Fans would probably side with Charles Manson over Snyder.) But now I'm wondering, just how much goodwill does Gibbs really have? Do two Super Bowl victories from twenty years ago mean he can do no wrong now? Just a few weeks ago, I would have said yes. Now? I don't know.

It seems like there's a decent chance that Jon Gruden will be looking for a new job after this season. I'm just saying.

Comic of the Week: Nightwing #125

Nightwing #125
"Targets" by Marv Wolfman & Dan Jurgens
Published by DC Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

Nightwing tracks a villain named Raptor, Dick Grayson tries to find a job, there's a massage, a shadowy figure, and zzzzzzzzz....

Comments:

Ask any comic book fan in his late 20s/early 30s what his favorite comics were as a kid, and it's almost certain that New Teen Titans will be one of them. It was young, it was hip, it was drawn by George Perez, so it looked amazing, and most impressively, it outsold X-Men. Wolfman wrote one of the few modern superhero comics that can legitimately be called a classic. Not only did he create some of the most prominent characters in the DCU (Deathstroke, Cyborg, Starfire, etc.), but his most impressive achievement was probably transforming Robin into Nightwing, turning him from kid sidekick to A-list hero.

Fast forward 20 years. Wolfman is once again writing the character, but it's just not the same. It's not bad, per se, but it's not especially good, either. And Dan Jurgens is no George Perez. On a positive note, the shadowy figure stalking Dick because he was "supposed to die in the Crisis" is an intriguing bit, and I'm curious enough to see how it plays out that I'll stick with the book for at least another couple of issues.

Line of the week:

"I do not subscribe to the theory of last names. It stems from an historical artifice indicating neither position or possession."--Zen

Overall grade: C-

Week six NFL picks

9-5 last week; 49-25 for the season

Buffalo at Detroit: Detroit
Houston at Dallas: Dallas
Carolina at Baltimore: Baltimore
NY Giants at Atlanta: Giants
Tennessee at Washington: Washington
Cincinnati at Tampa Bay: Tampa Bay
Seattle at St. Louis: St. Louis
Philadelphia at New Orleans: New Orleans
San Diego at San Francisco: San Diego
Kansas City at Pittsburgh: Kansas City
Miami at NY Jets: Jets
Oakland at Denver: Denver
Chicago at Arizona: Chicago

Gallaudet Crisis: Weekend edition!

Campus police arrested dozens of student demonstrators at Gallaudet University last night to reopen the famed college for the deaf after a three-day shutdown staged in a long-simmering protest over the appointment of a new president. (Washington Post)

Well, they can't say they weren't warned. Repeatedly.

Thankfully, there weren't any injuries during the arrests. The longer this goes on, of course, the less likely it is that'll still be the case. Although the announcement that classes will resume on Monday would seem to indicate that Gallaudet has decided that the protests will be over by then, no matter what.

I was around Gallaudet this morning. As of 11 o'clock, there were only a handful of protesters left at the main gate, although they seemed to be in pretty good spirits. Hopefully, they realize the futility of this whole thing now, and are just enjoying the experience before life goes back to normal.

Gallaudet Crisis: Day 3!

Police met with student protesters yesterday evening, telling them they had to reopen access to campus. Protest leaders agreed to open the Sixth Street NW entrance and went to those who were blocking the gate. Those students refused. (Washington Post)

Oh, for God's sake. Who's running this thing, anyway?

Look, the one thing any protest requires is leadership. Otherwise, you're not protesters. You're a mob. If the people with whom the school is negotiating with can't deliver on any compromises or concessions they make, why should the school bother negotiating at all?

Unless the protesters are actively looking to get arrested (a distinct possibility, given that they've come too far to simply back down), they need to get it together. Agree on a leader, and give him or her the authority to speak for the group. And opening up an entrance would absolutely be a good idea. Aside from delaying any police action, it'll deflect some of the criticism that the protesters are denying others their education.

The football players who have become the gatekeepers since deciding to shut the school down allowed voting faculty members in at 11 a.m. for a meeting, shepherding them through campus in a group so they could not sneak to their offices.

Unreal. So basically, we had several 20-year old football players standing guard over a bunch of middle-aged professors. What would have happened if one of them had decided to break away? Would they have been tackled? Truly, yesterday was a proud day for Gallaudet University.

The protesters have demanded that Dr. Fernandes come to speak with them, but said privately that there was nothing that she could conceivably say to change their minds. (New York Times)

Way to give her an incentive to show up, guys.

And this illustrates why this protest is, and always has been, doomed to fail. The goal here should have not been to remove Fernandes. Any idiot should have been able to see that wasn't going to happen. The school has no reason to set the precedent of giving into this sort of pressure, and Fernandes has even less of a reason to.

No, the protesters' ultimate goal should have been to achieve something on a smaller level. Perhaps getting the school to agree to form a student advisory board that would have a say when it came time to select the next president. Or something else that would address their other grievances.

But instead, they went for the zero sum game, saying they won't leave until Fernandes resigns. Then they undermined their immediate demand, that she come and speak with them, by freely admitting that there's really no point, other than giving the students a chance to shout her down.

Worst. Protest. Ever.

Gallaudet Crisis: Day 2!

Here's the morning news round-up of all things Gallaudet. Anyone looking for fair and balanced would do well to go elsewhere.

"We are not opposed to anybody," said Margaret Vitullo, chairwoman of the school's sociology department and organizer of the group. "We stand for education. College students supporting this protest are denying education for other college students. This morning, they began denying education for kindergartners." (Washington Times)

A voice of reason. I'd ask rhetorically if the protesters are proud of themselves for this, but unfortunately, I suspect the answer would be yes.

"We want the oppression to stop," graduate student Ryan Commerson said. "We want people to understand our pain. With the pain, we can not continute our education. It's not constructive." (The Examiner)

Talk about an irony overdose. Hey, Ryan, you know what else is oppressive? Taking over a fucking school. You know who else can't continue their education? The sane students and faculty who you aren't letting in. You know what else isn't constructive? The temper tantrum currently going on at Gallaudet.

"We have a failed leader put in position of president. I can't continue my education until things improve. She has to resign now," said student Tara Holcomb. (NBC 4)

This sense of entitlement among Gallaudet students is staggering. "She has to resign now"? On the say-so of Tara Holcomb the Gallaudet football team?

And again with the claim that protesters can't continue their education. How are people supposed to take this seriously? You can't bail on classes to take part in this thing, and then complain that you're being denied an education. This is one of the worst examples of circular logic I've ever seen.

"Every step of the way, we have attempted to negotiate a peaceful resolution only to have the negotiators and their demands change whenever a solution seemed at hand. Even when we had a signed agreement with the SBG President, they backed out. This afternoon, while claiming to fear the Department of Public Safety (DPS) officers, they marched on the DPS building and issued an ultimatum that either the head of security leave campus or that all campus security must leave. (President I. King Jordan's statement at Gallaudet.edu)

Let's just look at that last part again. "...they marched on the DPS building and issued an ultimatum that either the head of security leave campus or that all campus security must leave."

First, props to the Gallaudet security department for exercising more patience than I would have if some students informed me that I had to leave the campus. And a big round of applause for the protesters. Clearly, these are the actions of a rational group of people. Well done.

Enough's enough

This morning, they moved outside to curtail access at all entrances to the campus.

"Until further notice, Gallaudet University is closed and all gates are blocked," their statement said. The students said Model Secondary School for the Deaf and Kendall Demonstration Elementary School would be shuttered as well. (Washington Post)

Oh, come on. Now this is just pathetic.

Nothing...nothing...Jane Fernandes has done or hasn't done, said or hasn't said, justifies this. People haven't gone to these extremes to protest Bush's presidency, for Christ's sake.

I keep reading variations of the same quote over and over from Gallaudet students: "I don't understand why she doesn't just step down."

Maybe it's because she doesn't owe you idiots anything. Yeah, I get it. You wanted the selection committee to consider more diverse candidates. Which makes perfect sense, because Fernandes, aside from being a woman, has such a WASPy name.

You object to the fact that she didn't grow up using ASL. This is really a legitimate litmus test among deaf people? Why?

You object to the fact that you didn't get a say in the selection of the president. Boo-fucking-hoo. I'm sure there's one or two hippie liberal arts colleges out there that give students a vote in these things, but it's hardly the norm.

School administrators need to take a long, hard look at what this is doing to their school. I'm sure at first there was a sense of, "Just let them get it out of their systems." But that's clearly not working. And it's one thing for students to hurt themselves by not attending classes. But now high school and elementary students are being denied their education, because the protesters have taken it upon themselves to drag them into it.

In what universe is this acceptable behavior?

Gallaudet needs to do three things today: First, make one more unqualified statement of support for Fernandes. Make it clear that she's not going anywhere, no matter what. Anyone who can't live with that, student or faculty, knows where the door is. Second, offer any student who walks away now, immunity from punishment. I suspect that a great many of them have simply been caught up in the romance of protesting, and would happily accept an out at this point. Third, tell any students who don't disperse that the police will be called, arrests will be made, and expulsions will be handed down. And then follow through.

These aren't just college kids fighting against "The Man." They're goons. Worse, they're self-righteous goons. And it's time to start playing hardball with them.

Fox wants your blog

I was watching The Simpsons last night, when I was surprised to see a commercial with Brian Bolter inviting people to go to WTTG's website and start their own blog. When I visited the site, I was even more surprised to see how active it is.

Which...I don't get. Why would anyone in DC want to house their blog on the Fox affiliate's website of all places? It's not like there's a dearth of free blogging sites out there. God knows Blogger and Livejournal aren't perfect, but they're far superior to anything you're likely to find on Fox's site.

For their part, even though Fox assures blogging neophytes that "there's no wrong way to blog ," they don't hesitate to spell out exactly what all the wrong ways to blog are . Among other things, they don't allow any posts that are "libelous, an invasion or privacy or publicity rights, defamatory, obscene, profane or indecent, abusive or threatening."

The problem is, 99.999999999% of all the blog posts in the world fall into one or more of those categories. So what the hell does Fox expect people to write about? Rainbows? Puppies? Dandelions?

But even if that's your scene, you may want to hold off on publishing your poem about rainbows, puppies, and dandelions to your Fox blog. Because it turns out Fox owns everything you write. I don't mean they can just use it for publicity purposes. They own it. Even if you delete it. So long as there's a copy floating around somewhere on their server, it's theirs to do with as they please.

Holy shit, can you imagine what would happen if you posted that epic O.C. fanfic you've been working on for months? The one where Seth and Ryan get drunk one night and screw? Fox could totally steal it from you and put it on the air. And there wouldn't be a damn thing you could do about it. Oh, right. You wouldn't be able to post it anyway, because it would undoubtedly be considered obscene, profane and/or indecent. But still.

So come on, people. If you want to start a blog, start a blog. But don't be an unpaid content provider for Fox. At least not until they agree to get rid of Holly Morris.

1-4!

In three out of my four fantasy leagues, I'm having a pretty good season so far. After this week, I'm 3-2 in my primary league, and 4-1 in two others. Granted, this is just as much due to dumb luck as it is my expert draft choices and savvy trading, but hey, a win's a win.

However, in the Fantasy Blogball league, made up of DC bloggers, it's been a disastrous season all around. In retrospect, it's hard to say what my biggest mistake was. Taking Edgerrin James in the first round? Thinking that Ben Roethlisberger was capable of putting up decent numbers, which was a problem even when he was healthy? Not starting Frank Gore for the first two weeks, when he was putting up some serious points? Starting Frank Gore after those first two weeks, when he suddenly started having trouble hanging onto the ball? The simple bad mojo of having Drew Bledsoe on my team?

Regardless, up until now, I've been the only player who hadn't gotten a win. But that changed this week. Against a 3-1 team, no less. So I'll go ahead and say it now: this was a turning point for the DC Universe team. My players are healthy, they have their confidence back, and they're motivated.

We're going all the way, baby.

I want my old Bush back

In Washington, President Bush condemned the claimed test as a "provocative act" that deserves an immediate response from the U.N. Security Council. He warned that any transfer by North Korea of nuclear weapons or material to "states or nonstate entities" would be considered "a grave threat to the United States" and that North Korea would be held "fully accountable" for such action. (Washington Post)

The fuck...?

If North Korea gives nukes to terrorists or hostile nation, they'll be held "fully accountable"? What the hell kind of pansy, lame-ass, little girl threat is that? Telling someone they'll be held fully accountable is something you tell a vendor when you think they might miss a deadline, not a country that's now in possession of nuclear weapons.

This should be a field day for the Bush Administration. See, unlike with Iraq or Iran, they don't have to manufacture or exaggerate the threat when it comes to North Korea. These people ACTUALLY HAVE NUCLEAR WEAPONS. And the country is run by an honest-to-God lunatic. Jesus Christ, I'm a hippie liberal, and I'm nervous enough about North Korea that I'd probably support some sort of military action.

And all Bush can say is that they'll be held accountable if the nukes wind up in the hands of terrorists? This, from the man who gave us the Axis of Evil (i.e., list of anticipated US bombing targets)? The one percent doctrine? "Bring it on"? How about the US and the rest of the world do something before there's a nuclear weapon or ten floating around on the black market?

Unbelievable. Can someone give the president his balls back? He seems to have misplaced them.

Comic of the Week: A Nightmare on Elm Street #1

A Nightmare on Elm Street #1
"Freddy's War" by Chuck Dixon & Kevin West
Published by Wildstorm Comics ($2.99)

Synopsis:

A single father and his two teenage children make the mistake of moving to Springwood, IL, and the even bigger mistake of buying a house on Elm Street. It isn't long before both kids are having bad dreams, and the family soon has one less mouth to feed.

Commentary:

There have been multiple attempts to bring Freddy to comics over the years, and they've pretty much all sucked. This attempt, the first from a major publisher, unfortunately keeps that streak alive.

This isn't entirely the fault of the creative team. There's really only so much that can be done with Freddy as a character. He comes in, he kills a few kids, and then gets beaten. This is fine for a movie franchise, when the sequel is two or three years away. But in comics, he has to come back the very next month for the next issue. And the next, and the next, and the next. So the whole thing just turns into a neverending Itchy and Scratchy cartoon.

The only way an Elm Street series can work is if they actually give Freddy a purpose other than simply killing, or at least keep coming up with cool and interesting ways for him to dispatch his victims. But based on this issue, neither seems to be happening.

Line of the week:

"Let me fluff those pillows for you, Jade. So you can take a nice long nap."--Freddy

Overall grade: D

The thin line between stubborn and stupid

Hundreds of students took over Hall Memorial Building on Thursday night, demanding that the school reopen the presidential search that led to the appointment of Jane K. Fernandes in May. Yesterday afternoon, a handful of protesters still stood guard at the building's door while, inside, dozens of students engaged in a sign-language discussion with school officials. (Washington Post)

Sweet Christmas, I hate protesters. I hate protesters even when I agree with them. But more than anything, I hate protesters who simply don't know when to quit.

Obviously, Gallaudet students and faculty are vehemently opposed to Fernandes as president. But even after doing some digging online, I have yet to find a good reason as to why. At least, not one that would justify this level of outrage. I mean, taking over buildings? Blocking entrances? Calling on Congress to step in? Have they broken out the torches and pitchforks yet, or does that come next?

School officials would be idiots if they gave into the protesters' demands. Because if they don't stand up for themselves and their decision to appoint Fernandes, the inmates really will be running the asylum, and anytime the school did something that students found upsetting, there would just be more protests.

Someone at Gallaudet needs to step in and tell the students that it's over. Even if it means threatening arrests and/or expulsion. Part of becoming an adult is accepting the fact that you don't always get what you want. Even when you think you're right. Hell, even when you actually are right. Now is as good a time as any for Gallaudet students to learn this.

Week five NFL picks

9-5 last week; 40-20 for the season

Detroit at Minnesota: Minnesota
Tennessee at Indianapolis: Indianapolis
St. Louis at Green Bay: St. Louis
Buffalo at Chicago: Chicago
Cleveland at Carolina: Cleveland
Washington at New York Giants: Washington
Tampa Bay at New Orleans: New Orleans
Miami at New England: New England
Oakland at San Francisco: Oakland
New York Jets at Jacksonville: Jets
Kansas City at Arizona: Kansas City
Dallas at Philadelphia: Dallas
Pittsburgh at San Diego: San Diego
Baltimore at Denver: Denver

Don't mess with Texas chainsaws

The original Texas Chainsaw Massacre was basically the 70s' equivalent of Snakes on a Plane: a completely average movie with a killer title.

When I first saw it about ten years ago, I was fairly disappointed. It wasn't a bad movie, just not nearly as good as years of hype had led me to believe. I much preferred the next two films in the series, although Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation, starring a then-unknown Matthew McConaughey and Renee Zellweger, was a godawful mess. (There was a rumor that when their careers took off, they tried to buy the rights to the film to ensure that no one else saw it. Even if that's not true, it's something they should consider.)

The remake that came out a couple of years ago was just okay. As with any movie that has Michael Bay's name attached, I went in with zero expectations, so I wasn't too disappointed. There were a couple of good gory moments, R. Lee Ermey was fun to watch, and hey, it had Jessica Biel running around in a tank top. But all in all, nothing special.

So if possible, I went into Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning with even lower expectations. And what was the result?

I thought it was awesome. Totally fucking awesome.

I mean, if you're looking for clever dialogue or shocking plot twists, this isn't the movie for you. Even before the movie starts, you know how things are going to end. Or you should, anyway. I'll give you a hint. This is a prequel. Since Leatherface and his cannibal family are still going strong in the previous film, it's a pretty safe bet that none of the characters escape to notify the FBI.

But there are two things that make this movie a great experience. First, Ermey is even better than he was in the last one. While you may think you're going in to see the origin of Leatherface, the focus of the movie is actually on Ermey's character. And after years of playing roles that are basically just cartoonish parodies of his Full Metal Jacket character, he seems to be having a blast here, playing a completely psychotic parody of his Full Metal Jacket character.

Second, the gore. Not Hostel-level good, but still pretty damn impressive. Certainly, seeing Leatherface slice a guy's face off and make it into a mask is the high point, but there's enough slicing and dicing throughout that you're sure to be entertained. (Assuming you find that sort of thing entertaining. But then, if you don't, you've hopefully stopped reading this by now.)

This was a really great way to kick off a month of horror movies. Next week: The Grudge 2.

Geekgasm

Battlestar Galactica season premiere tonight.

Four weekends, four horror flicks

This is why October rocks. Horror movies!

Oct. 6: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning

Aside from some nifty gory moments, I didn't really care for the TCM remake that came out a couple of years ago. So why go see a prequel to a remake I didn't like? I dunno. It features a guy slicing up hippies with a chainsaw. Sometimes, that's enough.

Oct. 13: The Grudge 2

A lot of horror fans hated The Grudge. Especially those horror snobs who swear by J-horror, and are programmed to automatically turn their noses up at American remakes.

But I loved it. It didn't make a lot of sense all the time (why did the ghosts kill everyone who entered the house, except for Sarah Michelle Gellar, who they just provided helpful exposition to?), but it had some truly creepy moments, and was a hell of a lot better than most of the PG-13 horror films that have come out in the past few years.

Oct. 20: The Prestige (technically not a horror film, but close enough)

I've heard it's not that great. But come on, it's a movie about dueling magicians, directed by Christopher Nolan, and staring Christian Bale and Hugh Jackman. Freaking Batman and Wolverine in the same film? It can't...can't...be that bad.

Oct. 27: Saw III

Hated the first one. Loathed it. Despised it. Didn't even bother watching the sequel in theaters. In fact, I only grudgingly got it off Netflix when there was nothing else I wanted to see. But it actually turned out to be a surprisingly good film, with some truly inventive death scenes. Hopefully, this one will continue the trend.

Anyway, go out and have fun at the theater now. Looking at the IMDB's release schedule, aside from maybe Casino Royale and Black Christmas, it appears as though it'll be a pretty bleak winter for movies.

Common sense never solves anything in DC

A D.C. task force created this year to address double-parking around city churches has recommended enforcing existing parking rules while using common sense to resolve the issue.

The task force issued a report yesterday that outlines proposals to create additional spaces for those attending religious services. They suggest allowing cars to park on medians or use parking structures, or having churches provide shuttle services from parking lots.
...
Other neighborhoods should learn from the Logan Circle example, said Henry Stewart, the mayor's director of community affairs. "I think we used common sense to solve a contentious issue," he said. (Washington Post)

Whew, I'm glad that's over! Now the church crowd can go back to worshipping God, and the Logan Circle crowd can go back to driving their cars on Sundays.

Except...how are all those cars going to fit on medians? Also, isn't there a safety issue?

And where are all these supposed parking structures located, whose owners would be fine with letting people use them for free? How far away are they from the churches?

And shuttle buses? Sure, because churches can afford shuttle buses. Big ones. And lots of them. Because otherwise, there would be tons of pissed off people standing in parking lots, waiting to be transported to and from church every Sunday.

I admit, I've always been solidly in the corner of the Logan Circle residents on this issue. I feel for the God Squad, but people have the right to park their cars and not be blocked in. But I have no idea how Henry Stewart can throw out a bunch of half-assed ideas that the church-goers are probably going to find objectionable, and then simply declare the problem solved.

Since Williams' guy doesn't seem to know what he's doing, why not pass this along to Fenty? He's just cooling his heels right now, waiting for the formality of the general election (is there even a Republican running against him?) before he takes office. Let's see if he can Blackberry his way out of this one, so all parties are satisfied, and not just Henry Stewart.

Who does Chavez hate more, Bush or Batman?

Against that backdrop, we now have the president of Venezuela, Hugo Chavez, using that same stage to proclaim that President Bush is Satan. As if that weren't enough, Chavez later said that Batman and Superman movies "make people stupid." (Mlive)

I have no idea in what sort of context a world leader would make such a statement, so I can only assume that Chavez was just cranky and frustrated that day, and started ranting and tossing out weird non-sequiturs about why America sucks.

But I kind of agree with him, at least as far as Superman Returns goes. I know I certainly felt dumber walking out of the theater. It's three months later, and I'm still pissed about that movie. I mean, seriously, how is it that people didn't find it even a little strange that Clark Kent and Superman came back to Metropolis after a five year absence, at the exact same time? Investigative reporters, no less! And Luthor's plan still makes no sense whatsoever! And fucking Kate Bosworth as a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist with a five year old kid? Ugh.

But Batman Begins kicked serious ass. And for a comic book movie, it was actually pretty intelligent. So I have to think Chavez never saw it, and is just basing his opinion on the two Schumacher films. Bush should invite Chavez to the White House for a screening of Batman Begins. Because if he likes it, and realizes that he was wrong about Batman, maybe he'll decide he was wrong about Bush, too.

Then Bush and Chavez can go to the UN together, and declare that Bryan Singer is the devil for making such a piece of shit movie.

Week four NFL picks

9-5 last week; 31-15 for the season

Miami at Houston: Houston
New Orleans at Carolina: Carolina
Minnesota at Buffalo: Minnesota
San Diego at Baltimore: San Diego
Arizona at Atlanta: Atlanta
Dallas at Tennessee: Dallas
Indianapolis at New York Jets: Indianapolis
San Francisco at Kansas City: Kansas City
Detroit at St. Louis: St. Louis
Jacksonville at Washington: Washington
Cleveland at Oakland: Oakland
New England at Cincinnati: Cincinnati
Seattle at Chicago: Seattle
Green Bay at Philadelphia: Philadelphia