al Queda's looking for a few good martyrs

On the 20-minute tape, al-Masri also called for experts in the fields of "chemistry, physics, electronics, media and all other sciences — especially nuclear scientists and explosives experts" to join his group's holy war against the West.

"We are in dire need of you," he said. "The field of jihad (holy war) can satisfy your scientific ambitions, and the large American bases (in Iraq) are good places to test your unconventional weapons, whether biological or dirty, as they call them." (Houston Chronicle)

Interesting how their recruiting sales pitch sounds so similar to our military's. I mean, "satisfy your scientific ambitions"? With al Queda? Who knew such opportunities existed? Do they also offer scholarships?

I wonder if al Queda runs ridiculous recruitment commercials on TV the same way the US Army does. Like, showing an al Queda fighter coming home, and his father proudly commenting on how the son looked him in the eye and shook his hand for the first time.

Or an al Queda terrorist meeting up with a bunch of his pals and explaining how he's been working with explosives. Then the friends ask, "Wait, couldn't you have done that here?" and the terrorist flashes back to how he helped make bombs for suicide bombers. Then he shakes his head and says, "No. Not really."

Or like that one really stupid commercial that used to air years ago, where the guy faces off against a bad CGI dragon, pulls out a sword, and is magically transformed into a marine. Only in al Queda's case, I guess instead of a longsword, it would be a scimitar, and instead of a dragon, it would be a bad Jewish caricature.

Anyway, instead of opening military bases in Iraq, we should think about opening labs. Not ones that would give them access to anything dangerous, mind you. Nothing involving deadly diseases or fissionable materials. But something that will allow Iraqis with scientific ambitions to focus them on something other than killing Americans.

Like diet soda. I mean, seriously, it's 2006. Fifty years ago, people thought we'd have jet packs and moon cities by now. Shouldn't we at least have a diet soda that tastes exactly like a regular one? Let's let all these Iraqi Einsteins help out with that.