Panel of the Week

From Conan The Cimmerian #1:

The Top 10 Joker Stories of All Time

What makes a truly great Joker story?

It's a difficult question to answer, as the last few years have provided a veritable glut of Joker stories, many of which feature totally different takes on character. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, as there's more than one legitimate interpretation, but it makes it pretty clear which writers "get" the Joker and which don't.

Here's my main criteria for a great Joker story:

1) There's a difference, however subtle, between a Joker story and a Batman story featuring the Joker. To be a great Joker story, it has to fall into the former category. Dark Knight Returns, as enjoyable as it is, is a Batman story.

2) Something important has to happen. Not necessarily something earth-shattering along the lines of Robin being killed, but you have to come out of the story feeling as though this was a significant moment in the Joker's career.

3) It has to be grounded in some semblance of reality. The Joker is a villain. He is not a supervillain, except in the loosest sense of the word. And while it's fun to see him occasionally take on Superman or hang out with the Secret Society or whatever, at the end of the day, the Joker is just a man. The craziest, most dangerous man in the world maybe, but still a man. Which is why stuff like Emperor Joker ultimately doesn't work, as far as I'm concerned.

With that in mind, here's what I consider to be the ten best Joker stories ever told.

10. "The Clown At Midnight"
by Grant Morrison & John Van Fleet
Batman #663

Plot: Is it possible for the Joker to go even crazier? It turns out, yes, as he begins one of his periodic metamorphoses of personality inside Arkham Asylum, this one making him even deadlier than before.

Why It's Great: I can't recall a comic in recent memory that caused such a schism amongst readers as this did. People seemed to think it was either genius or crap, with very little middle ground. I came down squarely on the genius side. It's probably one of the most ambitious comics in recent memory, a mostly-prose piece that accomplished what Morrison's Arkham Asylum seemed to want to do, which is get inside the Joker's head and show readers exactly what goes on in there. While admittedly, the prose is a bit overdone in places, and the artwork a distraction, this really is an excellent story.

The Quotable Joker: "They all used to ask me, 'What makes the Joker laugh?' and I'd point to YOU. We'd all laugh at you and your stupid bat-toys behind your back."

9. Untitled
by Bill Finger, Bob Kane & Jerry Robinson
Batman #1

Plot: In his first appearance, the Joker goes on a robbery and murder spree across Gotham.

Why It's Great: It's really impressive how fully-formed the Joker is from the very start. All the major character beats are there (personality, costume, Joker venom, etc.), and even though comic books were ostensibly for kids back then, it's pretty clear that the Joker's creators intended for him to be one scary-ass character. And even though the Joker's origin has been retold and modernized numerous times, this story holds up amazingly well almost 70 years later, unlike a lot of other comics from that period.

The Quotable Joker: "If the police expect to play against the Joker, they had best be prepared to be dealt from the bottom of the deck."

8. "The Laughing Fish"
by Steve Englehart & Marshall Rodgers
Detective Comics #475-476

Plot: The Joker demands that the Gotham City Copyright Office grant him a trademark on his "Joker-Fish," so he'll get a cut of every fish sale in the world. When he doesn't get his way, he begins murdering government bureaucrats until he does.

Why It's Great: The plot's as corny as anything that ever appeared on the old Batman TV show, and yet Englehart manages to make it work. In a lot of ways, this was the prototypical modern-day Joker story: Part absurd, part serious, and able to swing back and forth between the two without missing a beat.

The Quotable Joker: "But--what if everybody stops eating fish? I hadn't thought of that! What if they all conspire against me--leave my Joker-Fish in the sea? But no--that would never work! The vegetarians wouldn't go along!"

7. The Devil's Advocate
by Chuck Dixon & Graham Nolan

Plot: After years of skating by on the insanity defense, the Joker finally stands trial for a series of murders, and is given the death penalty. Unfortunately, Batman suspects he might actually be innocent this time.

Why It's Great: The criminal justice system in the DCU isn't something you can really dwell on too much. You read some of those old Batman or Superman comics, and it's bizarre how many times supervillains get released on parole. Really? The guy who's robbed a dozen banks, killed a few people, and joined a bunch of other villains in an attempt to take over the world, now claims he's sorry and is getting parole? Even in a hippie state like Massachusetts, that wouldn't fly.

Similarly, you can't really put too much thought into why the Joker, whose body count has to be in quadruple digits by now, keeps getting sent back to Arkham Asylum, when everyone knows he'll just escape again. So it's interesting to see at least an attempt at realism here. Plus, there are some great Joker moments, especially his unpredictable reaction to getting the death penalty.

The Quotable Joker: "So you're here to get me off. No double entendres, please."

6. "Soft Targets"
by Ed Brubaker, Greg Rucka, & Michael Lark
Gotham Central #12-15

Plot: Gotham comes under siege by a sniper who turns out to be...well, you know. As Batman and the Gotham City cops try and bring him down, the Joker makes their job easier by turning himself in. And that's when his plan really gets started.

Why It's Great: As far as Joker stories go, what makes this even more impressive is that he doesn't really even show up until it's about 3/4 of the way over. But everything leading up to that is gold, as we see how the Gotham City PD and the general public react to a Joker rampage. Even after he's been arrested and is seemingly disarmed, he delivers a chilling reminder of how dangerous he is. In terms of art, Lark really outdoes himself, as his sequence where the Joker steps out of the snowy night right up to police headquarters, is one of the creepiest I've ever seen.

The Quotable Joker: "An iced tea would be fantastic. I don't know about you, but I've always found police brutality really makes you thirsty. Who can say why?"

5. "Dying Is Easy, Comedy Is Hard"
by Edward Bryant & Dan Simmons
The Further Adventures of the Joker

Plot: Offended at the idea that anyone other than himself could possibly be considered the funniest person in Gotham, the Joker starts killing off stand-up comedians while they're on stage.

Why It's Great: I'm sort of cheating here, as this isn't a comic, but a story that appeared in a prose collection that came out around the first Batman film. But hey, it's my list. And in a book full of great Joker stories ("Definite Therapy" by F. Paul Wilson honestly gave me nightmares as a kid), this one was my favorite. It has everything you could possibly want from a Joker story, aside from art. But the real selling point? Batman going undercover as a stand-up comic. It just doesn't get much better than that.

The Quotable Joker: "Let us cut right to the heart of the matter, figuratively now, later perhaps literally."

4. "Wildcard!"
by Marv Wolfman & Jim Aparo
Batman #450-451

Plot: Badly shaken after his near-fatal shooting at the end of "A Death in the Family," the Joker is shocked when an impostor turns up, committing crimes in his name, forcing him to come out of hiding before he's ready to.

Why It's Great: One of the more unfortunate trends over the past decade or so is how writers now treat Batman less like a human being, and more like an unstoppable force of nature. Some of this has apparently also spilled over to the Joker. Yes, he's a scary psychopath. But he's still just a human being.

That's why this story is maybe even more refreshing now than it was when it was first published almost 20 years ago. Why wouldn't the Joker, as crazy as he is, be subject to the same confidence problems as everyone else?

The Quotable Joker: "You're more pinstripe than pinhead. Brooks Brothers than Ringling."

3. "A Death in the Family"
By Jim Starlin & Jim Aparo
Batman #426-429

Plot: The Joker (with an assist from the readers) manages to do what no other villain had: kill Robin.

Why It's Great: If any one of the following things happened in a Joker story, it would probably be enough to make this list. The fact that all three of them do, is nothing short of awesome. First, the Joker beats Robin nearly to death with a crowbar, and then finishes the job by blowing him to kingdom come. Second, he meets the Ayatollah Khomeini and becomes the Iranian ambassador to the UN. Third, the whole thing is capped by one of the better climaxes of any Joker story ever.

And while the gimmick of allowing readers to decide Robin's fate via telephone vote remains one of the hokiest ideas in the history of the industry, for once, the fans got it right. This story wouldn't be nearly as well-regarded if Robin had actually survived. The fact that twenty years later, real-life supervillain Dan Didio would undo this great story by unwisely returning Robin to life, doesn't negate its impact.

The Quotable Joker: "Prepare yourself for a severe spanking, young man. But let me tell you right from the start...this is going to hurt you a lot more than it does me."

2. "The Joker's Five-Way Revenge "
by Denny O'Neil & Neal Adams
Batman #251

Plot: The Joker suspects one of his old henchmen sold him out to the cops. Rather than find out which one, he figures he'll just play it safe and kill them all.

Why It's Great: Aside from being a perfect story in general, I don't think any artist has ever done a more frightening-looking Joker than Adams. It's also notable for being the first Joker story to dispose of the campy elements of the 60s, and return the character to his roots as a homicidal maniac.

This story also features two of my all-time favorite Joker moments: First, as an exhausted Batman investigates one of the Joker's henchman's apartments, the Joker steps out of the shadows, sucker punches Batman, knocking him out, and could easily finish him off. Then he realizes that would be a hollow victory, and leaves. The other is at the end of the story, when a furious Batman is chasing after him. Admitting that one would have to be stupid (as opposed to crazy) to take on a pissed-off Batman, the Joker flees instead of even trying to put up a fight.

The Quotable Joker: "No! Without the game that the Batman and I have played for so many years, winning is nothing! He shall live...until I can destroy him properly!"

1. The Killing Joke
by Alan Moore & Brian Bolland

Plot: The Joker's origin is told via flashback, while in the present, he goes on a rampage of terror unlike anything seen in a Batman comic at that point.

Why It's Great: Yes, putting this at number one is about as predictable as you can get. But there's really no denying that this is where it belongs.

Undoubtedly the most important Joker story ever told, the "Suggested For Mature Readers" label allowed Moore to get away with murder. Well, attempted murder, anyway, as the Joker cripples Batgirl and mercilessly tortures Commissioner Gordon. More importantly, it's the definitive examination of their relationship, from the beginning of the story, when Batman goes to meet with him in an attempt to get them off the collision course they've found themselves, to the end where, in a moment of lucidity, the Joker refuses Batman's offer of rehabilitation. And if Adams drew the most frightening Joker ever, Bolland drew the perfect, most expressive Joker ever, and is probably considered by many to be the definitive artistic take on the character.

The Quotable Joker: "You had a bad day once, am I right? I know I am. You had a bad day and everything changed. Why else would you dress up like a flying rat?"

Where does he get those wonderful toys?

For whatever reason, as big a comic book geek as I am, I've never jumped aboard the whole action figure/statue bandwagon. I'm not saying I dislike them or anything. I can definitely appreciate them as both works of art and fun toys, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't flip through the new issue of Toyfare when I'm at Borders, just to stay up to date on what's coming out. I've just never really had any urge to actually own them. (I'm equally mystified by the appeal of bobbleheads, which, as far as I can tell, are action figures for people who would be horrified at the idea of owning action figures.)

Except that for whatever reason, I've decided that I must have one of these:

Supposedly, these were pulled off the shelves not long after being released, because Mattel or WB or someone worried that the figure's resemblance to Heath Ledger was too uncomfortable, and they've since replaced it with a less creepy version.

Naturally, the Ebay market has exploded, with most of the figures selling for about $30-$50 each. Which, while not a lot, is still more than I can spend on a toy and be able to look at myself in the mirror. It's not just the cost, either. It's knowing that I actually rewarded one of those greasy little Ebay scavengers that would really hurt.

So the question now is whether this is just a passing fancy that will fade a couple of weeks from now, or something I'll be kicking myself for not springing on now, as opposed to a couple of years from now, when they're going for a couple hundred each.

I get the feeling I'm going to be spending a lot of time on Ebay over the next couple of days. Hating myself the whole time.

Comic Riffs

Finally. On a site overloaded with blogs about pointless crap like politics and terrorism and professional hockey, the Washington Post launches a blog about something that actually matters:

For Schulz, the Pulitzer might as well have been the eternally elusive Little Red-Haired Girl. But he was confident of one acknowledgment: Millions and millions of people who vote with their eyes take comics extremely seriously.

Which is precisely why today, we are launching this daily comics blog. Because from the funny pages to "Wall*E" and Batman at the cineplex to graphic novels to this month's San Diego Comic-Con, we take cartooning in its many forms seriously. (Comic Riffs)

It'll be interesting to see how this develops, and I think its ultimate success or failure will depend a lot on how critical Michael Cavna is willing to be about the strips that the Post runs. But so far, I'm encouraged. I especially loved the Mark Trail anecdote, and as a result, I'm officially backing off my stance that the Post should drop it. No doubt, this comes as great relief to all the loyal Mark Trail readers in D.C. All ten of them.

Speaking of comics and the Post, there was a really good article in yesterday's paper about why the Joker is more fascinating than Batman. To be honest, when I saw the article advertised in Friday's Express, I mentally penciled in a blog entry for today where I'd rip it to shreds, because it seems as though whenever an outlet like the Post tries to discuss comic books in a serious manner, they not only fail, but fail in an epic way.

But between the gorgeous half-page Brian Bolland art from The Killing Joke and distinct lack of a headline along the lines of, "Pow! Bang! Zap! The Joker's At It Again!", it's surprisingly well done. Anyone looking to get jazzed for The Dark Knight (not that you should really need anything to get you jazzed for The Dark Knight, of course) should check it out.

Panel of the Week

From Booster Gold #1,000,000:

Do it, Danny. You know you want to.

As much as I like Brett Favre, there's no denying that his rumored desire to come out of retirement is sort of a dick move. It puts the Packers in an uncomfortable situation, it puts the fans in an uncomfortable situation, and it puts Aaron Rodgers in a really uncomfortable situation. (And considering that from the draft on, his entire NFL career has basically been one long uncomfortable situation, that's saying something.) Ultimately, I think he'll stay retired, but if he does come back, it won't be with the Packers. Which presents Washington with a golden opportunity.

I want Dan Snyder to sign Brett Favre.

The Dan Snyder of eight years ago would jump at the idea. Dan Snyder 2000 would have offered Favre a gajillion dollar contract to play for the Redskins. Gajillion isn't even a real number, but Dan Snyder 2000 would still have find a way, even if he had to cut the entire defense, using the questionable logic that if you have Brett Favre as quarterback, you don't really need a defense. Dan Snyder 2000 would have sent Redskins One to pick up Favre, his family, and all their belongings, and bring them to D.C., at which point he would have the Greatest Press Conference In NFL history. Dan Snyder 2000 would have built a weather machine like on General Hospital to make it snow over FedEx Field every week, just so Favre would feel at home. In short, there is nothing Dan Snyder 2000 wouldn't have done to sign Brett Favre.

Unfortunately, Dan Snyder 2008 seems to have learned his lesson about signing over-the-hill veterans like Deion Sanders, Mark Carrier, and (shudder) Jeff George. And to be fair, there's really no good reason to get Favre. He would cost a lot of money, Jason Campbell is doing great, and we still have Todd Collins.

No good reason except for one: I really, really, really want a Brett Favre Redskins jersey.

Short of world peace and my recurring fantasy where I meet an elderly widow who offers me her dead husband's comic book collection, not realizing that it contains hundreds of priceless old comics in mint condition, I can't think of anything I want more than a Brett Favre Redskins jersey.

Yeah, I could get one custom made, but aside from the geniuses who ordered Ron Mexico Falcons jerseys before the NFL banned them, has there ever been anyone cool who ordered a custom NFL jersey? No, it has to be the real thing. Even if Favre didn't play that much (or at all), it would get added to my rotation of Redskins jerseys I wear every Sunday during football season, along with my Portis, Cooley, and Landry jerseys. (You know, you never really realize how big of a dork you are until you actually find yourself typing out the words "rotation of Redskins jerseys I wear.")

Some might say that signing a player, especially one of Favre's stature, just so one fan could live his dream of owning a jersey with his name on it, could be seen as a waste. But come on. When else are the Redskins going to get a chance like this? How many living legends like Favre are out there? Actually, now that I think about it, if I were Snyder, I would sign all of the game's major superstars to one game contracts after they retire, just so I could slap their name on a Redskins jersey forever. In fact, the only thing that might make me happier than a Brett Favre Redskins jersey is a Joe Montana Redskins jersey.

Come on, Snyder. For once, use whatever superpowers you posses that allow you to squeeze money out of every possible revenue stream imaginable (and some unimaginable) for good instead of evil and get this done. Do it for Brett. Do it for the Redskins. But most of all, do it for me.

Passive vs. Active Aggression on the Metro

Over the past two weeks, I've seen two women request seats on two Metro trains in two very different ways.

The first woman, literally as she set foot on the train, started loudly demanding that someone stand up and give her a seat. You couldn't really even make out what she was saying. It was something like, "Blarg, blarg, blarg, someone...blarg...seat...blarg...I need...blarg." But because she was older and was walking with a cane, it worked. These two young women who were in the handicapped seats couldn't get up fast enough. As she sat, the woman said, "One of you can stay," but the two girls seemed to want to put as much space between them and her as possible. I didn't really blame them.

The second woman was also older, but apparently in perfect health. Unlike the first woman, she didn't say a word. She boarded the train, looked around for an empty seat, and not finding one, walked over to where this young guy was sitting, and glared down at him. He, like a lot of Metro riders, was completely engrossed in his book and iPod, and didn't notice. So she stood there for a good two minutes, just staring at him, waiting for him to stand up. And finally he did stand up, but only because it was his stop. The woman muttered a sarcastic, "Thank you," which the guy didn't even register because he had his headphones in.

I've given it some thought, and while neither one will win the Miss Congeniality award, I've decided that I respect the first woman a lot more. Yes, she was rude, and I suspect she has whatever mental problem is common among people who think it's perfectly fine to start shouting in public, but at least she made her desire known. Over the years, I've seen lots of people on the Metro who, even if they're not glaring at someone whose seat they want, will just hover passive-aggressively until that person realizes that there's someone who's elderly/handicapped/pregnant standing next to them, and, sometimes a bit flustered, will jump up and say something like, "Oh, I'm sorry! Please, sit down!"

On which I call bullshit. I have no problem whatsoever giving up my seat, but I don't think anyone has an obligation to keep their eye out for someone who might need it. Even if they're sitting in the handicapped seats. Would it be nice if they did? Sure. But if they happen to be not paying attention for whatever reason, and you need to sit down, just fucking ask them to stand up. There's a 99% chance they will. If they happen to be the 1% that are just complete dicks, someone else will, and you get the added benefit of watching everyone in the general vicinity turn on the person who's acting like a complete dick. But unless you have a medical reason why you can't speak, there's really no reason why you can't just ask someone to move.

Also, on a somewhat related topic, there's this guy on my bus who has an almost pathological need to offer his seat to women. Not just older or handicapped ones, either. Young, old, attractive, unattractive, whatever. I've seen him get up from the back of the bus and walk all the way to the front to let a standing woman know a seat is available. I object to this behavior on two levels. First and foremost, I suspect he's just trying to impress women. And while I can't fault him for that, his approach seems a bit needy. Second, I think it sets a really bad precedent. I hate standing on the bus. The last thing I want is for the women on my route, some of whom are younger and in better shape than I am, to get used to this sort of treatment. If this keeps up, I may have to circulate a memo to the other guys who ride my bus regularly, suggesting that we take him aside one day and beat the chivalry out of him. Maybe with a couple of broken legs, he won't be quite so eager to offer up his seat.